Defamer
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sanjaya malakar
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sanjaya malakar
Sanjaya Not Gay, Just Gay-Seeming
As far as we're concerned, as soon as any penis-bearing young adult sets foot on the American Idol stage, they're instantly classified a Gay, regardless of sexual inclination. But Season 6 breakout star Sanjaya Malakar was more than just a Gay to us: He was a no-talent Gay with almost supernaturally versatile hair. As it turns out, however, Sanjaya is actually a 100% red-blooded heterosexual male, trapped in the body of an extremely gay-seeming teenager: More »
tim gunn
Tim Gunn Reports From Sanjaya's White House Correspondents' Dinner Table
When even Rich Little has to admit this year's White House Correspondents' Dinner could have used a marquee act with some edge ("It's a little bit of a hard room. Next year, they may go back to someone a little more biting," the cuddly, Carson-era impressionist said shortly after bombing to a packed D.C. Hilton ballroom), it fell, as we predicted, to People magazine's guest of honor Sanjaya Malakar to inject the proceedings with a little watercooler-worthy pizzazz. Looking dashing in a blue pinstriped suit and chunky highlights Valerie Plame would kill for, Malakar greeted his throngs of admirers (including a gushing Governor Eliot Spitzer), as lesser celebrity entities at the People table—Valerie Bertinelli, Zac Efron (ask your teenage daughter or new AOL chat room friend), Eddie Izzard, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., and Project Runway's Tim Gunn—simply looked on in astonishment. Gunn describes the scene to his blogging boss Andy Cohen, in a post discomfortingly titled, "Sir Tim Does DC and Sanjaya!": More »
sanjaya malakar
Breaking! Sanjaya Taking Meetings, Has Entourage!
This maddeningly brief report on fallen Idol Sanjaya Malakar's current whereabouts just came in from an operative over at Fox: More »
sanjaya malakar
America, it seems, has spoken: Sanjaya Malakar, whose rendition of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me" rendered little girls completely paralyzed with tears of existential terror and whose final performance of "Something To Talk About" will likely drive Bonnie Raitt back to the bottle, will not be your next American Idol. At first, it may be difficult to watch this clip of Ryan Seacrest casting a tear-soaked Malakar out of Karaoke Eden, but know that his supreme sacrifice was for Idol's greater good: his dismissal represents the restoration of this grand competition's dignity, and with the distraction caused by the myriad conspiracy theories about the pitchy, pony-hawked incubus's continued success finally removed, it can again focus on its noble mission of deciding whether The Girl With No Neck, Bat Boy's Slightly More Handsome Older Brother, or The Guy Who's Hypnotized Simon Cowell Into Believing That Beat-Boxing Is Somehow Cool deserves to be temporarily installed atop the pop charts following the show's season finale. More »
Sanjaya Malakar Out On 'Idol', Immediately Enters Negotiations To Join William Hung On Album Of Christmas Standards
America, it seems, has spoken: Sanjaya Malakar, whose rendition of the Kinks' "You Really Got Me" rendered little girls completely paralyzed with tears of existential terror and whose final performance of "Something To Talk About" will likely drive Bonnie Raitt back to the bottle, will not be your next American Idol. At first, it may be difficult to watch this clip of Ryan Seacrest casting a tear-soaked Malakar out of Karaoke Eden, but know that his supreme sacrifice was for Idol's greater good: his dismissal represents the restoration of this grand competition's dignity, and with the distraction caused by the myriad conspiracy theories about the pitchy, pony-hawked incubus's continued success finally removed, it can again focus on its noble mission of deciding whether The Girl With No Neck, Bat Boy's Slightly More Handsome Older Brother, or The Guy Who's Hypnotized Simon Cowell Into Believing That Beat-Boxing Is Somehow Cool deserves to be temporarily installed atop the pop charts following the show's season finale. More »
short ends
Short Ends: Sanjaya Ruins Another Lowbrow American Institution
· Not only is Sanjaya Malakar bent on destroying American Idol, he's now corrupting Maxim Online's Hot Chick in a Skimpy Outfit of the Day feature. He must be stopped. Vote tonight and end this madness. [via LAist]· Everything seems great in Jennifer Garner's family life—except, of course, for the small problem of her husband's crack problem: "'You know how as a kid you picture yourself with a tall, handsome husband, and you imagine him cuddling your baby?" she asks. 'Ben is like that, like, on crack.'"
· Fucking-averse HBO series Entourage curiously chooses Ron Jeremy's fuckpad for a location shoot.
· "The floor of the home was covered with a layer of animal feces between 2 and 3 inches deep, authorities said."
· These people are unafraid to ask some uncomfortable questions about the Death Star attack. Charlie Sheen endorsement TK. [via CC Insider]
american idol
J.Lo Brings Suspicious Message Of Rightness To 'Idol'
The tabloids are once again pushing the Scientology panic button on Jennifer Lopez, who was caught dropping some Hubbardian jargon into her attempts to soothe the feelings of vulnerable American Idol contestants following judge Simon Cowell's litany of enturbulating put-downs. Notes Rush & Molloy: More »
american idol
The Boy Who Slayed 'Idol?': A Sanjayamania Round-Up
You may have felt a sea change in the cultural consciousness recently, in the form of growing grassroots support for Sanjaya Malakar, the talent-deficient breakout star of an otherwise forgettable sixth season of the nation's opiate of choice, American Idol. In honor of His Awfulness, a round-up:· BWE.tv declares Sanjaya the "single most important personality" to emerge from Idol, declaring him the ponyhawked King Arthur to finally pull Excalibur from the stone (in the form of sensory-raping performances America can't seem to get enough of) and slay the mighty Idol dragon that has terrorized the TV landscape for the past five years. [BWE]
· AOL TV counts down all the reasons they love Sanjaya, including the fact that he's been parodied to limited comedic effect by Andy Samberg in a pointless Weekend Update appearance on SNL. What other reason could you possibly need? [AOL]
· Join master of the mopey thespian arts Zach Braff as he intros a clip from his new movie The Ex (spoiler alert: He offends an Irish dude!), capping it off with the kind of endorsement for Malakar that Hillary would kill for. [apple.com/trailers] More »
sanjaya malakar
On last night's edition of American Idol, pony-hawked karaoke incubus Sanjaya Malakar, did not, as we hoped he might, sprout enormous bat wings halfway through his pitch-raping rendition of "Bathwater," snatch a scandalized Gwen Stefani from the side of the stage, and ascend to the rafters, where he would hungrily gnaw at her flesh as hundreds of terrified audience members stampeded from the room, hoping to absorb some of her pop-star essence for his own nefarious use on subsequent performances. More »
Sanjaya Slaughters No Doubt Song, But Decides To Spare Gwen Stefani's Life
On last night's edition of American Idol, pony-hawked karaoke incubus Sanjaya Malakar, did not, as we hoped he might, sprout enormous bat wings halfway through his pitch-raping rendition of "Bathwater," snatch a scandalized Gwen Stefani from the side of the stage, and ascend to the rafters, where he would hungrily gnaw at her flesh as hundreds of terrified audience members stampeded from the room, hoping to absorb some of her pop-star essence for his own nefarious use on subsequent performances. More »
short ends
Short Ends: Sanjaya Hair Spoiler! Do Not Read
· Whatever you do, don't go here if you don't want to know how Sanjaya is going to wear his hair on tonight's Idol.· With her career not going so well that she felt comfortable spending a large sum of money on some orphans to bring back home, Jessica Simpson donates a van she didn't pay for to a Mexican orphanage instead.
· A Transformers screenwriter on why Megatron won't change into a gun: "That would be the equivalent of Darth Vader turning into his own lightsaber and someone else swinging him around." Good point!
· Tiny movie pirates infiltrate Jack Valenti's brain, induce stroke in sworn enemy.
· Watch out, Bindi! Behind you!
american idol
Gwen Stefani Suggests Sanjaya Tackle An Instrumental This Week
Tonight's guest coach on American Idol is Gwen Stefani, who, we anticipate, will come to rue the day she besmirched her resume by joining the same mentoring program that until now has been occupied by plastic-surgery-disaster musical relics like Kenny Rogers, Barry Manilow, and some guy from Herman's Hermits. Our stereo-hogging cousins over at Idolator, however, have found rumors on an American Idol fans' message board suggesting Stefani is already deeply regretting her involvement in the monolithic karoake contest, dreading the thought of one of her beloved No Doubt compositions finding its way onto "Sanjaya's Greatest Butchered Hits." More »
sanjaya malakar
If last week's Ford-sponsored bastardization of Modest Mouse's "Float On" delivered a point-blank gut-shot to popular music vulnerable belly, then Sanjaya Malakar's (whom we previously believed to be just a harmless, tone-deaf—yet alarmingly well-coiffed!—kid, but now realize is the earthbound emissary of some vengeful god sent to destroy us all) Tuesday night Idol performance of The Kinks' "You Really Got Me" stood astride its body as it lay bleeding in the gutter, rolled it over so that it could bite the curb, and then delivered the swift kick to the back of its head that finally ended its suffering. The strong of stomach can relive the harrowing ordeal through the clip presented above, in which an adorable little girl's salty tears stood in for those streaming down the collective cheeks of America on the night of music's grisly televised execution. More »
Sanjaya Malakar And The Death Of Music
If last week's Ford-sponsored bastardization of Modest Mouse's "Float On" delivered a point-blank gut-shot to popular music vulnerable belly, then Sanjaya Malakar's (whom we previously believed to be just a harmless, tone-deaf—yet alarmingly well-coiffed!—kid, but now realize is the earthbound emissary of some vengeful god sent to destroy us all) Tuesday night Idol performance of The Kinks' "You Really Got Me" stood astride its body as it lay bleeding in the gutter, rolled it over so that it could bite the curb, and then delivered the swift kick to the back of its head that finally ended its suffering. The strong of stomach can relive the harrowing ordeal through the clip presented above, in which an adorable little girl's salty tears stood in for those streaming down the collective cheeks of America on the night of music's grisly televised execution. More »
