Defamer
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Owen Wilson
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Drews And Don'ts
Who Should Serial Monogamist Drew Barrymore Date Next?
After sufficiently mourning the split between Justin Long and Drew Barrymore by giving our iBook a tearful embrace, we found ourselves facing a familiar Drew-inspired dilemma: figuring out who the serial dater extraordinaire will add to her illustrious list of ex-boyfriends next. Even before sort of settling down with the Strokes’ token hottie Fabrizio Moretti, Barrymore winked and giggled her way into the hearts of a wildly eccentric group of actors, musicians, comedians, sex tape vendors, drug addicts, directors and Firecrotch ranters. She’s aimed high (Leo), low (Feldman), and was an early member of the Lesbian Chic bandwagon. After the jump, we take a look at all her past paramours in order to narrow down our own suggested candidates for the next round. More »
Mating
Kate Hudson, Goldie Hawn, And Some Homeless Guy Who Looks Like Lance Armstrong All Went To Lunch
You know what the best part about dating Kate Hudson is? Not the fun beachside lunches with a jolly Goldie Hawn and doting “unidentified males.” Not the late-night games of Pin The Tail On The Boob with 9-year old Ryder. Nor is it collecting your winnings from that bet you made with Owen Wilson about who could land the ebuillient blonde. No, the most enjoyable benefit to following Hudson around town and forcing grin after grin is the dynamite opportunity to finally get photographed dutifully wearing clothes coincidentally fashioned by your lifestyle-sustaining sponsor! More »
Lists
Diamond-Spotting: Cameron Diaz Latest Star Teasing Us With Rumor-Sparking Sparklers
Shouldn’t single actresses know by now that giant diamonds worn on a particular finger shouldn't be flaunted in public? Cameron Diaz was photographed sporting an ostentatious sparkler yesterday in Santa Monica, suspiciously displaying the gory piece on her engagement ring-reserved finger in a very blatant manner. But considering she’s just barely started dating former cokehead/Jennifer Aniston ex Paul Sculfor, and has been linked to half a dozen other canoodling partners in the past few months, we’re not jumping on the “Diaz Engaged!” bandwagon quite yet. The notoriously anti-paparazzi actress might have just wanted to fuck with her camera-flashing enemies. Still, whenever a star makes the decision to debut a big ol’ gem there, it’s proven tough to gage those inevitable engagement rumors’ validity. We looked back at celebrity diamond-spotting of the past, from the most firm denials that led to splashy weddings, to the sure things that turned out to be false alarms, after the jump. More »
wtf
Willie Nelson Is Fucking The Wilson Brothers, Jessica Simpson, Woody Harrelson, And Dan Rather
We can say with complete confidence that we have never been more confused, astonished, entertained, and oddly turned on by a music video than we are today, when we witnessed the magic of Willie Nelson’s “You Don’t Think I’m Funny Anymore.” What sounds incredibly boring turns out to be a tasty Southern stew featuring cameos from Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson, Woody Harrelson, Jessica Simpson, and Dan Rather. The casting kind of makes sense (Luke did that Movie That Shall Not Be Named with Jessica, Willie loves Jessica, Woody loves Owen, and Dan Rather is, well, available these days?), but whoever directed this clusterfuck of pool-hall scenes, lawn mower races and eerily quick flashes of an obese redneck wearing an “I (Heart) Owen” t-shirt has nevertheless managed to surpass Gondry in kookiness, surpass the Coens in suspense, and pretty much serve up the most bizarre clip we’ve seen yet this year. See what we mean after the jump. [People]
trailers
As if You Care, Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson are Chasing This Puppy
Keep your insulin handy while having a look at the first trailer for Marley and Me, the screen adaptation of John Grogan's tearjerking best-seller about "live and love with the world's worst dog." Moreover, keep your eyes peeled for Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, clinging to their bit-playing, beach-trotting pride as the namesake puppy's owners — helpless against its mischief, impossible cuteness and promotional star power. Look for the first teaser posters to follow shortly, with the A-listers and their names but specks below the pooch and Marley's 300-point tagline: WATCH THE DOG YEARS FLY BY. We can't wait for Christmas! [Fox via Vulture]
Stunt Dating
Three Reasons Why We Don’t Buy The Kate Hudson And Lance Armstrong Love Story
Only days after rumors surfaced that the on-and-off relationship between Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson had switched back to Off, the Stallion was seen preying on new anonymous blondes in New York City while lovelorn Kate was allegedly recuperating from the split. So naturally, the news that Hudson picked herself back up and found a new paramour in the fit form of one-ball wonder Lance Armstrong is slightly comforting. But after reading the details surrounding the pair’s so-called dates and blooming “romance,” we aren’t biting. The three clues in particular that leave us seated while others jump to conclusions, after the jump. More »
The Stallion Returns
Owen Wilson Loses Kate Hudson Yet Again, But Don't Feel Sorry For The Stallion This Time Around
Once again, the troubled blonde union between Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson has come to an end, and both stars are up to their standard post-break-up habits. Hudson is said to be feeling “dumb,” and Wilson is making attempts to crawl into the sheets with the nearest yellow-haired hanger-on. And while the last time these two split, it became tragically clear which party came out on top and which wound up barely alive, we took a look at the career prospects in store for both, and worry Kate’s the one who might hit the skids this time around... More »
Win A Date With My Daughter
Who Will Play Role Of Jessica Simpson's Boyfriend In Papa Joe's Sequel To 'Pimp My Daughter'?
At this point in Jessica Simpson’s sad, sad career, it’s become clear that her only chance of making headlines is by sleeping with a new guy, getting dumped by that new guy, or whining over one of the many guys who’ve dumped and/or slept with her. As we learned this week, her most recent conquest — QB Tony Romo, who Jessica called “her future husband” in Glamour’s March issue before admitting that “this article could come out and Tony and I could be broken up” — rid himself of the Game Day Curse just as her ex-fling John Mayer was popping up all over the weeklies swapping spit with Jennifer Aniston and her fembot nips. Naturally, Jessica reacted by drinking herself silly and, we presume, making several late-night calls to her Dadager, Papa Joe, requesting her next romantic PR stunt stat. So the question is: which lucky bachelors will Joe
cads and cadettes
The Jennifer Aniston Dating Game: Fun Like 'Go Fish' Or Depressing And Endless Like 'Monopoly'?
When news that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer got together for a "touchy, feely" lunch date and dinner in Miami over the weekend broke, the entire community of celebrity observers and glossy magazine readers let out a big ol' collective yawn. Aniston has been linked to (and we're roughly estimating here) seven hundred or so possible paramours since her split with Brad Pitt, and Mayer has pulled what Liz Phair would call the all-too-common "fuck and run" on so many starlets that he earned Us's "Cad of the Year" award. But just because the gossip is yawnworthy doesn't mean there isn't a larger issue here: mainly, is Aniston really dating or trying to date all these guys-of-the-month, or is this charade her publicist's idea of spinning her post-divorce life into an unglamorous version of Sex And The City? More »
baby fever
Topping Kate Hudson's Shopping List: Men, Babies And Pretty British Boys
Even though she's only 28 and has already spawned one mini-me, Kate Hudson has baby fever. In an interview with London's Sunday Times, the smiley actress unloaded some very Cameron Diaz-esque baggage, including the fact that she's oh-so-ready to get knocked up as soon as possible. And apparently, Hudson has figured out the elusive secret to determining whether a potential suitor is a "man" or a "boy." But when it comes to dating, Hudson just needs a pretty pair of lips:"I need to find that 18-year-old in me again, who was way more adventurous when it came to kissing boys...I would love nothing more than to have a good, honest make out sesh."How Owen made the cut, and which Brit actor may be competition after the jump. More »
boys will be boys
Owen Wilson And Woody Harrelson Go For A Swim, Minus One Set Of Swim Trunks
Instead of fussing over headlines linking Owen Wilson to Jennifer Aniston on the set of Marley & Me, should Kate Hudson be more worried about the allure of Woody Harrelson's positively perfect butt? Looking downright McConaughey-esque (at least from behind), Harrelson displayed enviable the enviable skill of Olympic-style cliff-climbing while nude during a swim sesh with longtime pal Wilson in Miami over the weekend. And we couldn't be more delighted. Not only have these pictures edged Woody much higher on our list of celebrity crushes, but they've given The Daily Mail the opportunity to Photoshop a mini-animated tale of Woody's butt's ascent from the Atlantic. Though we highly doubt Owen will fall for the Woodster's cheeks, we couldn't resist taking a closer look ourselves after the jump, including a peek at Owen's much more demure choice of swimwear. More »
monday morning box office
Can 'Horton' Get A Woop Woop?
You wake up cold and confused, naked except for the half-singed bonnet on your head, and surrounded by hundreds of empty Peeps boxes and decapitated chocolate bunnies. Damn it: You've surrendered to another Easter weekend bender. Enjoy the last pulses of glucose shooting through your veins as you peruse the box office numbers:
1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! - $25.1 million
A second solid week atop the box office officially cements this all-CGI adaptation of the beloved children's verse as a bona fide blockbuster. Proving a perfectly successful Seuss adaptation can come from not veering too far from the source material, directors are now lining up to pitch their own faithful versions of works from his canon. First up: Oliver Stone's searing take on The Butter Battle Book, tweaked to better evoke the Iraq War with suicide-Eight-Nozzled Elephant-Toted Boom Blitz-bombing Zook-insurgents.
promotional consideration
Owen Wilson's Absence Makes Studio Hearts Grow Impatient
The second Owen Wilson film to hit theaters since his suicide attempt last August, the new comedy Drillbit Taylor, is likewise the second consecutive — and for his employers, hopefully the last — film for which Wilson has skipped doing publicity and promotion. To wit, while John Horn and Gina Piccalo acknowledge in today's LA Times that the teen bully-bodyguard film will probably find its adolescent boy market without Wilson doing the print rounds or baring his soul to the likes of Barbara Walters, their Great Moments in Publicity Awkwardness timeline suggests that date may need to occur sooner than later:
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the simpsons
Defamer Immortalized In Cartoon-Form By 'The Simpsons!' Sort Of! OK, Not At All!
We're loath to admit we've fallen behind on new episodes of The Simpsons, so we're extremely grateful to the reader who pointed the following out to us: On Sunday's show, after a fairly hilarious sequence in which Homer engages in an illicit affair with a gyro cone (which, for $4300, could basically give you all the unsafe satisfaction you could handle), the portly paterfamilias then puts a happy ending on his marathon session of rotisserie lovemaking with a trip to Pudding on the Ritz. His order? "One Butterscotch Stallion."
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