A TV series, reports Variety, based on Cocaine Cowboys, a documentary about the 1980s drug trade. Both men's involvement would be limited to executive producing services, but don't expect that to mean the impressively pedigreed series, which could end up at HBO, will skimp on spectacular action sequences. The premiere finale alone is a showstopper: An exotic sports car race through the streets of Miami results in a Saleen Twin Turbo flying in slo-mo over four lanes of Lincoln Rd. traffic, through the glass-bricked facade of a local salsa club, and into a mountain of cocaine, the drug's high gasoline-content instantly erupting into a block-consuming fireball.

• Bruckheimer, Bay eye reteam [Variety]

[Confessions] is not just for women, the filmmakers insist. "We all have spending habits, a lot of us do," said Jerry Bruckheimer, one of the film's producers, speaking by telephone last week. "If we do our job right, this could be another Wedding Crashers." ...

As Mr. Bruckheimer noted of Shopaholic, we all have issues. "How do you cope with money and love?" asked this producer, whose credits include the 1983 hit Flashdance, about a Pittsburgh woman with a passion for welding, exotic dancing and ballet. He added, "That's something everyone can understand."

Bruckheimer's own experience with money and love is indeed famously complex, often ending with Michael Bay or Tony Scott blowing the shit out of something. This dovetails nicely with Confessions of a Shopaholic, whose fashion and romance themes currently skew female but have yet to undergo the extensive green-screen and CGI that will place plucky star Isla Fisher among a futuristic Fifth Avenue wasteland of transforming accessories and mutated, bloodthirsty shop clerks who steadfastly refuse to stock clothes in her size. Whether or not guys eat it up, God knows Nora Ephron will never know what hit her.

[Photo Credit: WENN]

• Wary Hollywood Plans More Chick Flicks [NYT]

· Second generation Bluth patriarch Jason Bateman will direct the Fox pilot The Inn, an "Upstairs/Downstairs set at a hip New York hotel." [THR]
· Just in case Wipe Out doesn't deliver all the herniated laughs its rock-solid premise suggests, ABC has ordered another comedy pilot, called Bad Mothers Handbook. [Variety]

Despite having won Oscars as well as most other film and television awards, Mr. Grazer remains largely unknown outside Hollywood. And while he acknowledges the success of his work, he still craves public recognition.

Mr. Grazer almost passed up a partnership with Mr. Howard because he feared the director's celebrity would overshadow his own role in the company. "He was just too famous for me," Mr. Grazer said. "I felt that no matter how hard I could work, it would always be gigantically eclipsed by him." [...]

"I probably should have a brand," Mr. Grazer said, "but I think you can't get the best artists to work for you if you're branded. I get the trade-off, and I really would like to be more famous for my work, get more credit for my achievements. We all want more of that. But on the other hand, if you get too big — like it says in 'American Gangster' — success is your enemy."

If that final quote is sincere, it seems that if Grazer might finally be making an uneasy peace with his situation, accepting that building an ego-feeding personal brand might hamper his ability to collaborate with more celebrated artists who can help him execute his every mildly quirky vision. Still, we won't believe he's completely internalized this cognitive breakthrough until he has one of his assistants remove the giant, sneering, battered portrait of rival Jerry Bruckheimer that hangs behind his desk at Imagine's headquarters, which he mercilessly attacks with his cherished A Beautiful Mind statuette each morning, crying, "Think you're better than me, Mr. Puts His Producing Stamp On Every Film? I have a fucking Oscar, you pirate-loving hack!," a ritual that allows him to begin yet another Sisyphean day of pushing his anonymous boulder up the hill of public recognition.

Bonus: Nikki Finke explains how Grazer *nearly* received a Thalberg lifetime achievement award at the 2004 Oscars.

• Hollywood Producer of Varied Interests, Many Hits, but Little Fame [NY Times]
• Previously: Brian Grazer Puts 'American Gangster' On His Back, Carries It Into Theaters Himself [Defamer]

In today's episode: Lindsay Lohan (in Sundance, Utah); Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart; Winona Ryder; Vince Vaughn and "a Wilson brother"; Seth Green; Mandy Moore and Jason Segel; Jerry Bruckheimer; Reggie Williams and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar; Larry King; Oliver Stone and Tom Ford; John Stamos; DJ Danger Mouse; Busy Phillips; Michael Gross and James Avery; Willie Garson; Chris Kattan and Preston Lacy; Chelsea Handler; Kato Kaelin; Asia Argento; Roger Cross; Eric Christian Olsen; Brandon Davis; Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge; Samantha Ronson.

· I've been at a resort in Utah for the past week, two days ago I'm coming down a trail from my cabin when I see someone else walking up the mountain. From a distance I saw a girl that I thought was out of place for the environment. People that come to that part of the country are outdoor/gear enthusiasts who are a little crunchy and tend to dress/live the part. This girl had on a baseball cap, H U G E sunglasses and wasn't really fitted for a trek. Had I been in LA, I would have thought, "what lame-o celeb is trying to work the, "I'm-hiding-from-the-paps-in-the-most-obvious-way" disguise?" As we got closer to each other, I thought, "that looks like Lindsay Lohan." My logical brain then intervened because why the eff would she be in the middle of nowhere, by herself and on the same trail as me? Had going cold turkey for a week on all media caused me to hallucinate a party girl in the sticks? When we passed each other she smiled at me and then looked down—-aside from noting that this doppelganger was way too thin, I could see that she had on no make-up which made her look really young and then spotted ooodles of her tell-tale freckles. When I got to the bottom of the mountain I told some friends that I had passed a girl who I would swear was LiLo...ha ha, the altitude must be making me nuts, right? They then reminded me that there was a super posh rehab a few miles away so I might not be totally insane. My sighting was sort of a running joke for the rest of the weekend ala Sasquatch/Firecrotch until I got emails from friends linking me to sites announcing that Ms. Lohan was indeed in my neck of the woods.

· Saw Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, with (her?) kid at the Dodger game on Sat nite. They seemed to be having a good time despite the Dodger loss, and stayed for the whole game. And yes, Calista ate junk food at the game just like the rest of us.

· my boyfriend and i were at the weho target sunday (8-5) about 3pm and I saw a girl and i thought, "wow she looks like winona ryder" i turn and look and my bf's jaw hit the ground. just from that, i knew it was her, he's a great celeb spotter, she was with her bf and they were buying new pillows. as soon as she saw us follow her to the elevator, she put on her HUGE and i mean HUGE sunglasses that covered her entire face. she asked everyone in the elevator if they needed p2 pushed and we were the only ones who spoke. she was so so tiny and i thought she looked stunning, but bf thought she looked like an old sickly lady....her skin was flawless!!

· 8/4/07-Saw Hunky Vince Vaughn and a Wilson Brother trolling for drunk Volley Dolley's at the Manhattan Beach Volleyball tournament. Neither wore shades or a hat so their star power could really shine and reel in the ladies.

8/6/07-In and Out Universal City...Small Fry Seth Green eating outside. His hair was definitely "Animal Style"

· Friday, 8/3. Dresden Room, Los Feliz. Drinking with friends when in walks Jason Segel from How I Met Your Mother. He orders what looks like whiskey and sits down at the piano bar by himself. A little later, he's joined by some woman who seemed like the average 20-something from the back — messy hair, frumpy black jacket. Then she turned around and it was Mandy Moore. Looked like they were just there as friends. So that would be plenty celebrity for the night...until Vince Vaughn walked in. Yeah, the guy from Swingers who shot his movie in the Dresden Room still drinks at said establishment. Vince skipped the bar and hung out in a booth in the back with his posse or something.

· So last night (Wed Aug 6th), we decided to head over to Q's on Wilshire for some casual after-work drinks on the Westside. As it was a weekday, the place was pretty dead (who goes out to Q's on a Monday night when there's $2 margaritas at Acapulco in westwood???) Apparently, none other than the master of Pirates himself, Jerry Bruckheimer! We couldn't believe our eyes as he casually strolled in, and saddled up to the bar next to (who we assume) were a couple of fellow producer friends from his company or perhaps some guys from his management team. Everyone in our group kept staring at him (we're all production/agency kids), but no one else in the bar seemed to notice. Within 5 minutes of entering, of course, he was on his immediately on his blackberry taking calls (at 10pm).

· Reggie Williams and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar were sitting in front of me on a flight from LAX to Honululu (Aug 3), talking about their NBA championship games. Then they started arguing about who could sink more 3-pointers in a row. Pretty insane!

· Just saw Larry King (Aug. 4) coming out of the Pacific Grove theatres at The Grove in Hollywood. Was here with a young kid. Son? Grandson? Wasn't wearing the customary huge plastic glasses. Maybe he only wears those on TV...

· Friday night (Aug. 3) at the Tower Bar - Saw Tom Ford in all of his tanned, open chest haired glory. I must say that he is extremely handsome and stylish in person. What a waste for us women....Also saw Oliver Stone in all of his tanned, open chest haired non-glory. The man looks like he has been through the wringer times 10 ( is he still making movies anyway?)

· 8/6/07 Not the most interesting but worth noting. Out with the fam for some BBQ at Lucille's in Long Beach and randomly spot John Stamos tucked away in the corner. Uncle Jesse was doing his best to stay unnoticed, even donning a cap when leaving (if it wasn't dark already I'm sure sunglasses may have been in order as well). Seemed nice enough, even helped a server with something she dropped to the floor from her already full hands.

· 6 Aug 7 I saw DJ Danger Mouse at The Belmont on Saturday (4 Aug). On my way out I asked the bouncer if that was in fact the man himself, and he said he didn't know who Danger Mouse was. Once I explained that he's opposite Cee Lo in Gnarls Barkley (ever heard of 'em?) he knew right away. Aparantly he's friends with the owner.

· It's your favorite Defamer operative from Starbucks Sunset & Gower: today a nice young blonde woman came in and ordered her drink. When my co-worker asked for her name, she said Busy. He commented that he'd never heard the name before. From the espresso machines I commented that I had, and asked him if he'd ever heard of the actress Busy Phillips. He hadn't but the customer had, saying "He even knows my last name!" I looked up and realized it was her. She was pleasant , and stayed for quite awhile drinking her iced green tea unsweetened. Oh how I miss Freaks and Geeks, but love my dvd set!

· It was a TV Sitcom Dads breakfast at HOME on Hillhurst, yesterday morning (8/5): First up, James Avery, surrogate father to Will Smith, from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Then, Michael Gross slid into the booth next to ours. Apparently I said, "hey, that's Alex P. Keaton's dad!" a little more audibly than my boyfriend would have liked, because he shot me a look and said, "you're so loud!" No, I'm not. Also, I would assume Michael Gross would be more apt to have someone recognize him from Family Ties, than, hmm... let's say, Tremors?

· Friday, 8/3 Formosa Cafe—Willie Garson (Stanford from Sex & The City) was wandering around the main bar/train car area with a male friend. They seemed to just be looking around at the place, but not interested in sitting down. Willie is adorable—had a red baseball cap on, for some inexplicable reason, but was still fabulous.

· Tuesday, August 1st. I saw Preston Lacy (JACKASS) and Chris Kattan (SNL) have lunch together at Jack n Jills in Beverly Hills (poet and didn't even know it). They both seemed friendly yet somewhat subdued. Preston is a big boy, and Chris was better looking than I would have expected.

· Chelsea Handler at the Gelson's in Marina del Rey. Pretty beautiful but surprisingly not skinny. She was with an attractive 40ish male. While waiting at the deli counter she complemented this scary, braless, overtanned, & overscalpeled bag in short shorts on her necklace - only to smirk and whisper evil nothings about the woman as soon as she turned around.

· Kato Kaelin banking in Toluca Lake across from the Graciela, August 7. I didn't know anyone under 80, or above 23, banked here; it's the nearly dead/newlywed memorial branch I think. Any-ho, don't know if he has a job, and I could do without the highlights, but he's tan and built, and chats up lowly bank tellers very sweetly. If this is what pushing 50 looks like (he's only two years older than me, thx IMDB), sign me up. And I'll take the black roadster type coupe he was driving too, dammit.

· I saw Miss Sixty spokeswoman and actress-filmmaker Asia Argento leaving Fogo de Chão on August 4th with about five others. She was looking a little scraggily wearing a long red tank over jean short cut-offs.

· I stopped at pickup stix on laurel canyon to feed my pregnant BFF at around 5pm, 6th of august, and who let us cut in front but the lovely ROGER CROSS, curtis manning off that "24" show.

· Spotted Eric Christian Olsen of "Dumb and Dumberer" fame (thank you, imdb) braving the Saturday crowds at Century City today (8/4) and taking advantage of the sales at Restoration Hardware. Also taking advantage of the really skinny blonde he was with. Well done, Eric Christian Olsen.

· I saw The Bourne Ultimatum at Century City on Friday and I ended up sitting near Brandon "Firecrotch" Davis. He smells so bad, I would have moved if there had been any open seats. I had to shower when I got home because I could still smell him in my hair — an unholy mixture of cigarettes, patchouli, BO and some undefinable something else. In addition to reeking, he left his seat at least twice during the movie, spent the entire time grunting/sniffing/moaning/snoring (while awake, which I thought was impossible), reading his Blackberry, and I caught him at least twice lifting up his tee shirt to grab and inspect a roll of belly fat. He also ate: a carton of Dibs, a bag of Skittles, a small bag of popcorn, a bag of chips, a soda, and a Slurpee. I can understand why he got disinherited.

· Because A-List stars are the only way I roll, Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge, jaywalking Robertson after apparently leaving the Ivy on Friday afternoon, August 3. No sign of Heidi and her big boobs or dickhead Spencer. Good. I hate them. Bring on Season 3.

· I saw Samantha Ronson (LiLo enabler) in a black Porsche near the BH hotel yesterday (8-6). She was wearing the same pork pie hat she always has on and looked sad and hung over.

• Same Sex Celebrity Moguls Get Knocked Up [Hurty Elbow]
• Knocked-Up Babymaker

Still reeling from a flurry of bad press on its PlayStation 3 gaming console, Sony isn't eager to claim this honor. A studio spokesman angrily rejects the $350 million estimate as a "complete fabrication," insisting that production costs didn't exceed $270 million. One of the film's producers, Laura Ziskin, also disputes the higher total, albeit in a less forceful manner. "I refuse to say the [real] number because it makes me choke," she tells Radar. Spider-Man 3 was a super-expensive movie—the most expensive film we've ever made. But there's no way you can get to $300 million."

Reports of Sony's record-breaking gamble have created a stir among entertainment insiders, seeming to evoke some combination of schadenfreude and envy. "Those are crazy numbers," remarks one leading industry figure.

Unfortunately, Ziskin was prevented from disclosing the actual number and enjoying a heady moment of publicly owning the coveted title of Producer Of The Most! Expensive! Movie! Ever! Made! (upon hearing the news, Jerry Bruckheimer will undoubtedly command his Pirates 3 crew to fire $100 million out of a cannon and into the churning sea, putting the competition safely out of reach), when studio head Amy Pascal sensed a disturbance in the Moviemaking Force, and with a pantomimed pinching of her profligate minion's throat, constricted Ziskin's trachea from afar, releasing the breath-stealing clench only when she was satisfied Sony's budgetary shame would go undisclosed to the meddling reporter.

• The Most Expensive Movie Ever Made [Radar]

Think you have what it takes to be the next Jerry Bruckheimer, James Brooks, JJ Abrams or Mark Burnett?

Then we want to hear from you!

AMERICA'S NEXT PRODUCER is a reality competition series seeking Hollywood's top producer who will create the next generation of hit TV shows. It will feature contestants from diverse backgrounds and varying levels of TV production experience who will compete each week to survive elimination rounds during a 10 episode competition. In each show, the vying competitors will face innovative challenges that will put their creative skills to the test. The winner of AMERICA'S NEXT PRODUCER will receive the ultimate TV producer prize package, including $100,000 cash, a first-look deal with TV Guide Channel and a production office in Hollywood.

We know what you're thinking right about now: "How can I compete to win a hundred grand and the chance to develop the kind of exciting basic cable programming that will run on top of a slowly scrolling schedule grid on the TV Guide Channel, and which contractually must include the talents of Melissa and Joan Rivers or B-level American Idol castoffs?" Well, you're in luck, Mr. America's Next Jerry Bruckheimer! There's an open call for the show tomorrow afternoon at Les Deux. But be forewarned: The casting process includes the tricky question, "What do you think a producer does?," and by the time the third or fourth hopeful goes before the judges, no one will find the answer, "He's the guy getting blown by a struggling actress he's promised a one-line role while everyone else does the hard work!" cute anymore.

• America's Next Producer: How to Apply [TVGuide.com]

Latimes.com: So my first question is how do you decide which projects you want to do. Like, what's your process?

[Jerry Bruckheimer]: Well, if I want to go see it — it is that simple. I don't know what you like, I don't know what anybody else likes, but I know what I like.

Latimes.com: So you choose movies that speak to you and not necessarily what you think will speak to a larger audience?

JB: Well, fortunately for me, what I've liked what other people have liked. So far I'm doing OK. It will all change some day, but for right now I'm doing OK. [...]

Latimes.com: Seems like you especially like action.

JB: I like drama — action is included in that. I like interesting characters. Interesting themes. Great arenas.

Latimes.com: What do you feel are the elements of a good story?

JB: It's always great plotting, great characters and then coming back to great themes.

Latimes.com: When you say great plotting, what do you mean by that?

JB: Storytelling. Beginnings, middles and ends. In that order.

Those eager to sell all of their belongings and head off to Hollywood for a superproducing career shouldn't be discouraged by these needlessly complex "Great Plotting, Great Characters, Great Themes" and "Beginnings, Middles, and Ends, In That Order" maxims, as Bruckheimer was obviously trying to impress a reporter with his mastery of Aristotelian dramaturgy; in the end, they're hardly essential to the success of a project. Neglecting all three of these supposedly essential elements and randomly arranging the order of beginnings, middles, and ends can, and often does, result in a hit; one need look no further than the career of maverick filmmaker Brett Ratner for proof of that, and for reinforcement of the single, inviolable rule of blockbuster-making: "Shit Must Be Blown Up."

• Chatting with Mr. Bruckheimer [LAtimes.com]
• Previously: Jerry Bruckheimer: I Am The Audience, And The Audience Wants Shit To Blow Up [Defamer]

The Defamer Special Correspondent on Possibly Suggestive Superproducer Small-Talk submits this snippet of conversation overheard at a fashion show last Friday (as well as the accompanying pic), lamenting that no free drinks were exchanged in the course of the following brief conversation:

At the D Voshion fashion show at Area Friday night: Megabucks producer Jerry Bruckheimer has no game, does not provide one drink minimum for the following conversation:

Jerry Bruckheimer: So what are you looking for tonight?
Asian Girl: What do you mean?
JB: What would make you happy?

AG: (looks skeptical) Good conversation and generally a good time. JB: And what would that be for you? AG: Seems like you're prodding me for a specific answer. JB: (leaning) Maybe. AG: A chocolate waterfall and a Maserati!

So I made that last part up, but I wished she'd said it, because if anyone could make it happen, it'd be JB. He'd even flip the car for free! Seriously though, isn't he married?

We're not so quick to ascribe untoward motives to Bruckheimer; after all, shouldn't a guy who's wealthy enough that a single day's paycheck could have him covered in escorts on a round-the-clock basis well into the next century be allowed to make some harmless conversation at a social function without it having to be a come-on? It seems clear that the girl's apparent skepticism caused her to fail a test that could have launched her to stardom, and should have answered the question about her happiness with, "Playing the next corpse on CSI: Miami. I think it's important to start small and earn every bit of success I eventually achieve in this business," a modest response that he producer would have immediately rewarded with a huge role in a future Pirates of the Caribbean sequel. Or, at the very least, a job as a stewardess on BruckAir.

• Previously: Jerry Bruckheimer: I Am The Audience, And The Audience Wants Shit To Blow Up [Defamer]

In August, Mr. Bruckheimer met with the "Pirates" script writers Ted Elliot and Mr. Rossio, who wanted to give Will Turner more dialogue to develop the character. (Mr. Turner is played by Orlando Bloom.) Mr. Bruckheimer resisted, fearing moviegoers would be confused.

"He is willing to go with us down the road of complexity," Mr. Rossio said. "But at times we feel he is constraining us from doing things for fear they are too complex. It's common for us to polarize, although we end somewhere in the middle."

Mr. Bruckheimer said of the exchange: "I understand what they were saying but, the difference is this: I am the audience."

Having correctly shrugged off his screenwriters' precious, short-sighted desire to needlessly confuse moviegoers with "words," Hollywood's Sun King ("L'assistance, c'est moi" is now embroidered on the back of his chair on set) then ordered that Orlando Bloom instead be fitted with enormous dentures, knowing that a set of Bruckheimer Chompers™ effectively replaces pages of plot-slowing, character developing dialogue.

• Blow It Up and Start All Over Again [NY Times]

A man's body floated up near where a crew was filming a scene for the crime show "CSI: Miami," authorities said. The body washed up early Friday in Biscayne Bay at Bicentennial Park, which film crews were using as a helicopter staging ground for aerial shots of a fictional offshore investigation for the CBS show, police said.

A homeless man spotted the body and alerted an off-duty police officer who was working security on the set, police said. The body had no signs of injury, and the death was not considered suspicious, according to authorities.

"Unfortunately, it's not unusual during certain times of the year that people who have fallen in the bay, either homeless or people who were asleep or in some cases boaters who had a mishap, fall into the bay and turn up days later, said Detective Delrish Moss, a Miami police spokesman.

We don't even need to tell you that the new season of CSI: Miami premieres tonight, do we? It's too late for his Floridian victim, but now that he's clearly established an identifiable pattern of promotional homicides, we urge Bruckheimer's immediate apprehension; there's still time to prevent tomorrow night's planned mass slaying of a dozen high-priced escorts, whose freshly murdered bodies will be "accidentally" discovered in a Bellagio suite just in time for the first Fall broadcast of the original CSI series on Thursday.

• Whodunit? Body washes up near 'CSI: Miami' set [CNN.com]

I live at the apartment building that CSI:NY is currently filming in. The building is called Pacific Electric Lofts... or PE Lofts for short. On the corner of 6th & Main Street in downtown Los Angeles.

I found out last night during a gathering of tenants on the roof that a body of a man living on the 5th floor had been found yesterday. The body had been there for 6 weeks, and the rumored cause is suicide. The body of the tenant's chihuahua dog was also found, apparently killed by the tenant.

The 5th floor smells like someone flooded the hallways with disinfectant... so I am very skeptical that this was a publicity stunt pulled by CSI:NY. I don't know anything else, but when I get home from work I'll be sure to investigate more... as this would be a really shitty move on CSI's part if your claim is true.

And a note from one of our esteemed commenters in our earlier post seems to corroborate this story:

i live in the PE Lofts. The CSI crew has been shooting here for the past couple of days, occupying our lovely penthouse lobby and pool. I was riding the freight elevator yesterday and it smelled really bad- I assumed someone's dog had an accident. A girl got on and told me that a guy on the fifth floor had committed suicide, killing himself and his dog, and that the body had been there decomposing for months. She also said that the fifth floor smelled horrible.

I'd be pretty shocked if this is a publicity stunt, as it sure smelled real to me.

The simplest explanation, it seems, is that the original report was genuine, and Corpsegate is much ado about nothing. A more interesting explanation, however, would involve a devious Jerry Bruckheimer being so committed to a publicity stunt of dubious value that he would go to absurd lengths to fool even the building's residents of his subterfuge, right down to the piping in of unpleasant smells. For now, we suppose that we're going to just have to believe the boring, former version and put away our tinfoil helmets, at least until another anonymous e-mail sends us scrambling to strap it on again.

• Previously: CorpseGate: CSI Body Just A Publicity Stunt? [Defamer]
• Actual Dead Body Found On 'CSI: New York' Set [Defamer]

The CSI body found was complete and ABSOLUTE bullshit...a PR stunt. They had actually called up one of my best friends who currently is in charge of developing the site for Club View, the most expensive condominium complex in the US, located in Beverly Hills. They said they wanted to shoot on the site and when asked what it was they would be shooting, they said they wanted to plant a dead body and "discover" it. Because the fear was that the location would receive a bad rap and potentially dissuade investors, they said absolutely not and sent CSI on their way. The price tag for such an "adventure"? They were only going to pay $2000 to use the site.

It's not too surprising that the luxury condo developers passed on a role in the CSI stunt, as a well-publicized corpse discovery at the site would have made the property only slightly more desirable to investors than its official zoning as a haunted Indian burial ground. We're even more disappointed that Jerry Bruckheimer allegedly offered only $2000 to buy their complicity, an embarrassingly piddling sum that the production probably just pocketed when they moved the fraud downtown, knowing that they could send a PA to hunt around a Skid Row shantytown for a body to ditch in an unoccupied apartment without a kickback.

Previously: Actual Dead Body Found On 'CSI: New York' Set [Defamer]

Though downtown Los Angeles was subbing for the streets of New York, the corpse was real, a source close to the show tells PEOPLE, adding that the remains were found on the 5th floor of the building - only two floors below the actors and film crew.

The body, the source says, "was discovered by a building engineer who checked on the tenant because he had not paid rent for the month."

Making matters weirder is that the show has already shot an episode revolving around the discovery of a mummified body.

Luckily, police and the coroner quickly arrived on the scene to remove the body for an eventual autopsy, before detail-obsessed producer Jerry Bruckheimer could see it, be impressed by how much more "real" an actual corpse seemed than even his effects department's best work, and demand that only genuine human remains be used in all of his CSI franchises.

• Real Corpse Found on CSI: New York Set [People]

We have had a lot of kids come out and wonder if they can just go over to the next theater and see No. 3," says producer Jerry Bruckheimer with a laugh. The third film will be released on Memorial Day weekend 2007.

Of course, Disney and Bruckheimer have done their best to accommodate these fans' requests, and have worked out a groundbreaking arrangement with exhibitors. Moviegoers feeling unfulfilled by the film's lack of resolution will have the opportunity to purchase an admission to a darkened theater that will eventually show the conclusion to the Pirates trilogy, where they may be padlocked until its release next summer. No contact with the outside world will be allowed, other than the occasional message from Bruckheimer urging them to "Hang in there, my little buccaneers!" and assuring them that the finished product will be "totally worth the loss of the family members who have moved on with their lives in your absence."

• Behind 'Pirates'' old-fashioned cliffhanger [LAT]
• Defamer Employment: Fly The Jerry Skies [Defamer]

Flight Attendant

Company: Avjet/Jerry Bruckheimer
Location: Burbank, CA 91505
Status: Full Time, Employee
Job Category: Airlines
Relevant Work Experience: 1+ to 2 Years Career Level: Experienced (Non-Manager)
Education Level: High School or equivalent

Job description
The ideal candidate is an exceptional person with meticulous attention to detail and above average organization and communication skills. Secondary education preferred, but not required. Experience in corporate aviation and fine dining service preferred. Candidate must be able to travel extensively worldwide and work professionally as an important member of the flight crew. Sense of style and etiquette a must. The successful candidate is resourceful and possesses an ability to juggle and prioritize in a very fast-paced environment. The position of flight attendant is a physical job and candidates must be able to stand, walk, kneel, bend, stoop, stretch, reach, and lift heavy objects.

The ideal candidate should also be willing to endure, if not actively invite, the crude, Mile-High-Club-based come-ons of frequent Bruckheimer collaborator and celebrated fauxteur Michael Bay on those occasions that the two men need to discuss their next blowing-shit-up project while in transit.

Also: No fatties, please. But you knew that already, didn't you?

• Flight Attendant [Monster.com]

[WARNING: The following content summary is explicit and will be EXTREMELY offensive to many. ]

A high school sex scandal leads to murder. During the course of the investigation, investigators question the victim s friend, Amber. The investigators tell Amber that Jen was raped. Amber is surprised, and explains that there was a party the day of the rape. As she describes the party, flashback scenes are shown depicting teenaged boys and girls participating in what can only be described as an orgy, including:

- A teenaged girl wearing just a bra and panties is sitting astride the lap of a teenaged boy kissing him while another girl in just a bra and panties fondles them both. The first girl is also shown making sexual bump and grind motions.

- Two other teenaged girls are sitting on either side of a teenaged boy, fondling him while another group of teens smoking pot and drinking beer watch them from the sofa on the other side of the room.

- A shirtless teenaged boy starts to remove his pants

- A teenaged girl with her back to the camera appears to be wearing nothing but panties. She appears to be sitting astride a teenaged boy kissing him while another girl in just a bra and panties fondles them both.

- There is a quick shot of a pile of naked flesh, mostly arms and legs, though obviously belonging to multiple teens.

- A young man without a shirt on has his head in the area of a girl s (apparently) bare breasts, next to them on the couch another girl who appears to be wearing just her panties (her breasts are visible in profile) is fondling a boy who is kissing another girl.

- A teenaged boy takes turns kissing two girls in their underwear.

- A girl is sitting astride the lap of a teenaged boy. Both are just in their underwear. They are rocking back and forth in a sexual motion.

- In another room, a girl is sitting on the floor surrounded by several boys. One of her friends yells, She s a porn star! The girl on the floor is wearing a bra and panties. One boy kisses her chest and fondles her, while another rubs his leg on the inside of her thigh, and a third pours liquor down her throat straight from the bottle then starts kissing her on the face.

• Content from the December 31, 2004 Episode of CBS's "Without a Trace" [ParentsTV.org]
• Previously: 'Without A Trace's' $3.6 Million Teen Orgy Scene [Defamer]

UPDATE: If you haven't noticed yet, YouTube has pulled the video. If you're really dying for a clip of a "teen sex orgy," we're sure Google can provide you with tens of thousands of more explicit options not owned by CBS.

• CBS Teen Sex Orgy Indecent? You Decide [Pan and Scan]
• FCC sticks by its hefty fines [Variety]

ENGAGEMENT-happy rock spawn Kimberly Stewart needs to learn the names of movie-industry power players if she wants to pursue an acting career. While partying with a gaggle of girlfriends at Mansion in South Beach last weekend, she kept introducing blockbuster-maker Jerry Bruckheimer, who was at the table next to hers, as fellow popcorn schlockster Michael Bay. We're told Bruckheimer never corrected the tipsy Stewart and seemed to get a kick out of the mistaken identity.

Bruckheimer may have been a good sport about the mistake (it's certainly not the first time a chick mixed up the frequent collaborators after a couple of chocolate martinis), but Stewart's probably ruined her chances of playing "Dogwalking Bimbo #3" in his next movie, a small, but pivotal, character who is tragically mowed down by an out-of-control Hummer as it jumps the sidewalk, pulverizing her, a pair of pink Ugg boots, and an adorable bichon frise. Sure, the scene sounds tragic, but the pathos of the moment is expertly lightened up when star Will Smith, the runaway Hummer's intended victim, quips out of the side of his mouth, "Daaaaamn, girl. That shit is nasty!"

• SEEING DOUBLE [NY Post]

COULD mega-producer Jerry Bruckheimer be behind the rash of huge white horse-teeth Hollywood's male stars are sporting these days? When Bruckheimer wants to work with a movie hunk, he insists they "look like a star," one insider giggled, "so they all have to go out and get what we call 'Chompers' - caps on their teeth. They all get their teeth whittled down and these big white gleaming caps on." Which would explain the blindingly white smiles of Ben Affleck ("Pearl Harbor"), Nicolas Cage ("National Treasure") and Clive Owen ("King Arthur"). A rep for Bruckheimer declined comment.

Bruckheimer's dental formula for success isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. Due to the diminished proportions of the small screen, actors on The Bruck's wildly successful television dramas (CSIs, Cold Case, etc) have their teeth yanked out and replaced by Chiclet-sized implants, lest their perfect smiles overwhelm the home viewer.

UPDATE: After the jump, a transcription from the Armageddon DVD commentary, in which director Michael Bay explains Affleck's $20,000 smile, courtesy of the Criterion Contraption blog:

I had him work out. We paid for a set of twenty thousand dollars of pearly white teeth—Ben's gonna hate that story—uh, I always like low shots that kinda come right under your chin, just make you a little bit heroic, and he kinda had these baby teeth. So, uh, I told Jerry Bruckheimer, I said, "God, he's got these baby teeth, Jerry, I don't know what to do." Jerry used a very famous star in a... plane movie that he replaced teeth with so, uh, he says, "We did it to him, why not do it to Ben?" So my dentist had Ben sitting in a dentist's chair for a week, eight hours a day.

• DENTAL DICTATOR [NY Post]
• Previously: Jerry Bruckheimer’s Spectacular iTunes Playlist [Defamer]
• Behind The Bruckheimer Brand

"In da Club" - 50 Cent: Moving rhythm and melody, makes you want to dance.

"Oh" - Ciara: A one-of-a-kind blending of great rhythms and melodies.

"Clocks" - Coldplay: The band many people call the next U2; this song is a great theme song for just about anything.

"Lonely No More" - Rob Thomas: Matchbox 20 meets Sam Cooke; my favorite song off of his solo album.

"Yeah!" - Usher: This might jus tbe the number one party song of all time! The rhythms and melodies make it so much fun.

"People Get Ready" - Alicia Keys: This song is on the Glory Road soundtrack. I think Alicia has an amazing voice, and her singing reflects the heart and soul of this film. I loved working with her.

Thank heavens for celebrity playlists. Else how would we have clued in to some of Bruckheimer's edgier and more obscure offerings? Leave it to Hollywood's most influential tastemaker to turn us onto the "moving rhythm and melodies" of this 50 Cent fellow's sounds. But the coup de grace really came when Keys sang her final note (now available on the Glory Road soundtrack!), and our iPod spontaneously erupted into a giant fireball, lodging shards of plastic into our face and eyes a final reminder that this playlist was yet another in a long line of spectacular Bruckheimer branded entertainment productions.

• [iTunes]

"I always like telling stories that are about individuals that changed things for the better," he says. "And [Texas Western coach] Don Haskins and those seven [African-American] kids changed things for African-Americans for the better, and athletics for the better."

Reports from the set confirmed how incredibly moved Bruckheimer was by the film's powerful material. In fact, the producer was so overcome by feeling that he found himself unable to watch the production's final week of shooting, a logistically difficult series of shots in which the entire pioneering Texas Western team explodes once the title-winning buzzer-beater drops through the hoop. But this was a Jerry Bruckheimer Film, and Jerry himself made sure that no expense was spared to ensure that the climactic fireball would match the emotional pyrotechnics of the ultimate scene.

• Bruckheimer: The brand name in movies [CNN.com]
• Even Superproducers Get “The Slump” Blues [Defamer]

"Every picture costs too much and studios always want to spend less. I'm always fighting that battle, and I'm at the top of my game," producer Jerry Bruckheimer said. "Anytime you have a down year, it's tougher in the executive suites and they'll be second-guessing their decisions."

Before Disney posted an ugly $313 million loss at the end of last year, executives might not have blinked before signing off on Bruckheimer's requests to pile onto the already incredible budgets for his two Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. But in this new age of Slump-induced caution, Bruck's got to come up with a better answer than, "Because it's really fucking cool" for why he needs fifteen actual fighter jets to be destroyed by galleon cannon fire during Dead Man's Chest's final battle scene.

• '05 Box-Office Slump May Be a Blip in the Big Picture [LAT]

Lawrence Grobel: You make acting sound simple. Learn your lines, show up, get on with it. Is it really that easy?

Anthony Hopkins: I take the script, sit down with a bunch of pencils and markers and go through it very thoroughly until I feel relaxed inside. I learn the script. Then I go through the preparation, the wardrobe, and I know where I am and what I'm going to do. If they start rewriting on the set I say, 'No, no. I've done my preparation, don't start rewriting it now.' I always make sure that the rewrites come in time so I can learn them. When I worked with Chris Rock on Bad Company, the producer, Jerry Bruckheimer, would rewrite stuff, and I said to him one day, 'Why do you do this? To torture us? I just want to let you know when you send me these new pages I throw them in the trash.' People were shocked: 'You talk to Jerry Bruckheimer that way?' Yeah, screw it. If he sends me pages on the day we're shooting , they go in the trash can.

Lawrence Grobel: Did he send you new pages after that?

Anthony Hopkins: No.

Of course, humiliating a power player like Jerry Bruckheimer is a strategy best employed by an actor of Hopkins' stature. Rumor has it that Jerry O'Connell tried the same stunt on the set of Kangaroo Jack, but instead of easing up on the rewrites, Bruckheimer had him killed, then reassigned his lines to the movie's titular rapping marsupial.

• Jerry Bruckheimer Gets the Gasface [The Corsair]
• Defamer Counterpoint: Respecting Jerry Bruckheimer [Defamer]

I´m writing about an article that was written about Jerry Bruckheimer- "Jerry Bruckheimer: Enemy of Words,Thinking". It seems that you people don´t respect experts like Jerry Bruckheimer. If that´s the case that´s fine- i respect it but what a pitty- you have no idea what the word cinema means. But, because i like to share my inteligence i´ll tell you what it means- it means satisfiing the audience´s taste, it means giving to people that they want to see. Professionals like Jerry Bruckheimer khow how to entertaine the audience. And that´s why is one of the most sucsecfull producers of all time!!!! And that´s why his movies and his series are the most seen!!!!!

Love,
Michael Bay

• Jerry Bruckheimer: Enemy Of Words, Thinking [Defamer]
• Jerry Bruckheimer: The Handsy Uncle Of TV [Defamer]

Ann Donahue, executive producer of CBS' "CSI: Miami," recalled that after the show's first-season finale was edited, Bruckheimer praised the episode overall but detected something missing from the climactic chase: "You needed more cops in that last scene," Donahue recalled him saying.

Over the course of the next week, Bruckheimer worked around the clock with the showrunners and editors, adding some cops here, subtracting one there, until cop-equilibrium was achieved. This heroic note called to mind the time Bruckheimer famously saved a key sweeps episode of the original CSI series by realizing that the fresh corpse of a rape victim needed "more semen," which would look "way cooler" under blacklights.

• He's thinking inside the box [LAT]


• Jerry Bruckheimer: The Handsy Uncle Of TV [Defamer]
• Jerry Bruckheimer: Enemy Of Words, Thinking [Defamer]

"It's the same as it's always been — we like to entertain people," Bruckheimer said. "We just want you to sit back and enjoy yourself and stay tuned to whatever show we have on the air or in the movie theater."

See how easy it is? Just flip on the Brucky (so much catchier than "TV," isn't it?), lay back, and let Uncle Jerry do what he does best. Uncle Jerry just wants everybody to have a good time. Shhh...don't worry about where that hand is going. Yeah, it's a little uncomfortable, even confusing, at first, but it feels good, doesn't it? God wouldn't let anything that feels this good be bad, would He? Uncle Jerry knows what you like. And in a little while, they'll be a nice, tidy little resolution at the end of this "procedural drama." Just make sure you don't tell anyone about it, OK? It's your little secret, and no one wants things to be uncomfortable at the next family picnic.

Previously: Jerry Bruckheimer: Enemy Of Words, Thinking

• Bruckheimer to field a record 10 series [THR]