Fatherhood Finds David Spade

To all you naysayers out there who always insisted that David Spade would never find a nice girl, settle down, and fall right into life as a loving new dad, time to start eating some crow: Spade has accidentally impregnated a Playboy Playmate. So there!

David Spade is the father of a baby girl born last week in Missouri to Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace, the actor's rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Help Jason Lee Name Pilot Inspektor's New Sister

Immaculate Male Pop Star Conception Month Continues With Twins For Ricky Martin!

When word came over the wires that Us Weekly was breaking the news, "Singer Ricky Martin Welcomes Twin Boys"... well, let's just say that headline promises a different article than the one we got. Still: congratulations are in order for the pop singer, who's followed in the footsteps of Clay Aiken and become a new father. Says Us:

The Latin superstar, 36, welcomed twin boys via a surrogate mother a few weeks ago, his rep tells the Associated Press.

Schoolyard Chants Of 'Rumer, Rumer, Big Hairy Tumor' Reveal Ugly Side Of Eccentric Celebrity Baby-Naming

As if second-generation Hollywood underdog Rumer Willis doesn't have enough to contend with living in the long shadows of her dazzlingly successful biological parents and a stepfather three years her junior, there's also those little life-obstacles thrown at her that could have just as easily been avoided. To wit: her name, one of the earliest and most egregious examples of the eccentric-celebrity-baby-naming trend that gripped the industry in the '90s and has yet to show any signs of letting up. We point as evidence towards such recent additions to the Weird Celebrity Baby-Name Registry as Sunday Kidman-Urban, Honor Alba-Warren, Birdie Phillipps (daughter of Freaks and Geeks star Busy), and the unabashedly onomatopoeic Phlbbbbbbfffft Simpson, the not-yet-born offspring of mother Ashlee. From Page Six:

RUMER Willis used to hate her name. The daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis tells this Sunday's Page Six Magazine that when she was 12, she realized she "got screwed."

Try Mighty McConaughey's Afterbirth Ale: There's Real Placenta In Every Drop!

There's something about Hollywood dads and afterbirth. Unlike Tom Cruise, who greedily pledged to gobble up every last drop of the nutrient-rich biological matter, however, Matthew McConaughey instead told CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta that he has something far eco-friendlier planned for his own son's:

Matthew McConaughey says the birth of his son will help bring a little joy to others in the world someday. The actor kept the placenta from the July birth of his son and plans to plant it in an orchard, he tells CNN's "House Call with Dr. Sanjay Gupta" in interview scheduled to air in two parts Aug. 9 and Aug 16.

Matthew McConaughey Vs. Clay Aiken: A Study In Dad Contrasts

Today brings the joyous news that ovary-shaking Idol demigod Clay Aiken has become a father to a healthy baby boy through the miracle of cutting edge fertilization techniques (the specs of how it was all accomplished are available here, if you care). In honor of this most improbable celebrity parenthood, we thought we'd compare and contrast Clay's siring achievement to that of another unlikely new dad, Matthew McConaughey:

1. Spawn
Clay
Sex: Male
Name: Parker Foster Aiken
Weight: 6 lbs., 2 oz.
Birth Defects: Highlights

Matthew
Sex: Male
Name: Levi Alves McConaughey
Weight: 7 lbs., 4 oz.
Birth Defects: One flip-flop

Behold, The Chosen Blobs

As we teased Friday, courtesy of the deep, deep pockets of the celebrity-baby-photo-crazy people at People, we bring you the first electronically captured and distributed images of The Chosen Blobs, the second and third genetically flawless products of Angelina Jolie's overtaxed loins. Similar in golden hue to their older sister—but providing twice the miraculous healing and war-ending properties—little Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline are pictured napping peacefully beneath their enraptured parents, cute enough to be devoured like two tiny, butter-poached escargots.

• Meet Vivienne & Knox Jolie-Pitt [People]

Yo, JCPenney: Eat. Our. Shorts.

Behold And Be Stoked! The Young Prince McConaughey!

We forwarded Matthew McConaughey's people your favorite suggestions of Bongo Romcom and Miller Chill, but it seems he chose to go the Old Timey Gold Prospector route, and named his son Levi Alves. The OK! magazine exclusive currently gracing Gelson's checkout aisles and 7-Eleven service counters reportedly netted McConaughey $3 million; paired with the earnings from his Beef Guild spots, this additional income allows the actor the freedom to pursue smaller passion projects like Surfer, Dude. Flanked on the cover by girlfriend Camila Alves and tiny, perfect Levi, McConaughey still manages to maintain sultry eye-contact with the camera, as if to say, "Yeah, I'm a dad. But I'm not dead. Catch my drift? Is anyone else's shirt chaffing them? Boy, I could sure go for a lobster roll. Is there a clam shack in the area?" McConaughey explained to the magazine how the delivery room was transformed into an flip-flop-devouring bongo-vortex:

"We found a great rhythm," Matthew tells OK! about the delivery of baby Levi. "Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music."

French Hospital Forced To Cover Its Windows For 'Zat High-Maintenance Beetch' Angelina Jolie

As we round the corner onto the 17th month of weist-loss guru Angelina Jolie's seemingly interminable pregnancy (we're picturing the twins refusing to come out until the winner of their marathon, inter-uterus Boggle tournament is finally determined), the AP brings us this photo taken outside the Lenval Hospital in Nice, where Jolie is currently checked in under the assumed name of "J. Aniston." In it, a hospital worker can be clearly seen applying some kind of top-secret, high-tech material, developed by scientists at France's struggling space program, that effectively prevents any photographers from capturing any member of the Jolie-Pitt clan on film. (Amazingly, anyone else who happens to be in the room develops just fine, resulting in eerie shots of a staff of nurses and doctors fussing over empty space.)

[Photo credit: AP]

• Angelina Jolie [news.yahoo.com]

Freewheeling Infant Surfs Out Of Womb A Healthy Baby McConaughey

Sexiest Beef-Pusher Alive Matthew McConaughey can strike "dabble in fatherhood" from his phonebook-thick bucket list, as his girlfriend has just birthed the actor's first child: a healthy son, with ten fingers, ten toes, but—in an unfortunate congenital defect which doctors reassure will have no bearing on the child's quality of life—only one, tiny flip-flop. From the Reuters report:

The child — the first for McConaughey and model Camila Alves — was born on Monday evening, the report quoted the actor's publicist as saying.

McConaughey, 38, said in January that he and Alves were "stoked and wowed" by the pending arrival.

Help name him in our Name Matthew McConaughey's Son Poll after the jump!

Ali Lohan Zit Crisis Exclusive!

Chosen Blobs Won't Crown For 'Weeks,' Says France's Sexiest Celebrity Obstetrician

Twice now, we've dangled before you the magnificent prospect of Angelina Jolie delivering two more blob-angels to her growing lineage. Both stories turned out to be wrong—the last of which left us so disappointed, we found ourselves tormented by anxiety nightmares on the topic. (One particularly harrowing scenario involved the Wanted star in stirrups as she shot out two genetically flawless newborns, who somehow managed to curve around a suspended pig carcass and land gently in adjoining cribs on the far side of the room.) In any case, it appears we are inching towards some perfect-baby-making resolution here:

Angelina Jolie's obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussmann, who is watching over the 33-year-old actress at a French Riviera hospital where she is expected to give birth, called a news conference for later Wednesday afternoon.

Angelina Gives Birth! For Real This Time! Or Not! Don't Ask Us! We Just Work Here!

A little over a month ago, typically dependable celebrity-water-breaking newssource ET reported that Angelina Jolie had birthed conjoined-lifemate Brad Pitt's second batch of genetic progeny. But just as the world prepared to deliver a thunderous "Hazzah!" for Chosen Ones Numbers 2 through 3, the story was debunked, and a low moan of disappointment rolled across the land. Still, she can't hold on to those little messiahs forever—they'll eventually want out. In fact, one French publication called Closer (a brief look at their website suggests they cater to that lesser-sophisticated segment of France's population who demand access to exclusive photos of Really Skinny Colin Farrell) claims they are already here! From HuffPo:

En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu'Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr

Breaking! Jamie Lynn Spears Completes Circle Of White Trash Life

'Ahm Mashew McConauhdgrl--Ahm Gonna Be Daddee!!!'

We once pledged that impending fatherhood would do nothing to tame the mighty, freespirited party-beast that is Hollywood's most sought-after torsobitionist, Matthew McConnaughey. Loath as we are to deliver a pinky-flinging, double-shaka "we told you so" sign—well, we told you so:

The Fool's Gold star was in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua, on June 6 drinking himself into a near-stupor at the Iguana Bar, while groping and hitting on a number of women, Star has learned.

Vin Diesel: From Duck Addict To Dad

Sure, things may seem to have gotten quiet on the Vin Diesel front, but that doesn't mean Hollywood's Biggest Action Hero Bargain hasn't been keeping busy. He's currently shooting The Fast and the Fourious, the third sequel to the street-racing-movie franchise to which he once swore he'd never return. (His legendary kiss-off speech, climaxing with, "Pimp my balls! The only movie I'm interesting in making stars an army of elephants and costs eleventy billion dollars!" is required reading for USC's From A to Z-List: A Survey of Movie Star Hubris class.) Even more exciting? People reports Diesel is a new dad:

Vin Diesel and his girlfriend, model Paloma Jimenez, have quietly become parents of a baby girl, his rep tells PEOPLE.