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Letting Inmates Run The Asylum
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Letting Inmates Run The Asylum
Devolution
7 MTV-Defining Stars Who Wouldn't Be Allowed on MTV Anymore
After word emerged yesterday that MTV was planning an extreme dieting beauty pageant, we knew it was time to ask ourselves, "Do we still want our MTV?" Many of us grew up in a time where the network was perceived as alternative, cutting-edge, and cool, though it's hard to picture the stars who made it that way getting a foot through the door of the modern-day MTV casting office. Here, then, are seven iconic MTV personalities who would have no place on a network that now fills its programming with multiple iterations of the "spoiled rich girl" reality genre:
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health
MTV's Latest Heartfelt Message to Girls: Lose 80 Pounds in 3 Months!
Though MTV spent the earlier part of this week teaching men how to emotionally manipulate their girlfriends, it's got plenty of advice to dole out to women, too. Why, just have a gander at the casting call for the network's upcoming entry in the crowded "model reality" genre! In what could be a first for the network, they're looking to cast the show solely with overweight women, but there's a catch: those women will be expected to lose up to 80 pounds in just 12 dangerous weeks. Says ABC News: More »
paris hilton
Paris Hilton Sued For Finally Refusing To Talk About Herself
While many actors view publicity tours as a necessary evil for promoting their projects, Paris Hilton always struck us as a different breed: the sort of celebrity who makes intermittent, half-hearted screen appearances simply so she'll be able to discuss something, anything on Letterman's couch. However, it now appears that even Paris has her limits. After declining self-promotion for the first time in her life, TMZ reports that she's being sued for it:
More »Her 2006 "comedy" "National Lampoon's Pledge This!" was apparently so bad, even Paris wouldn't shill for it. Worldwide Entertainment Group says she got paid a mil — a mil, folks — to act in the movie and then push it on TV and radio. They say she didn't do the latter and so they're going after her in Federal court.
Blond Ambition
Paris Hilton Reveals Campaign Platform: Line of T-Shirts at Kitson
Some things are simply too fragile for this world, and so it goes with our newfound toleration for Paris Hilton. After building up unexpected goodwill with her on-point McCain rebuttal, Hilton has immediately moved to quash the memory of those kudos with a mercenary cash grab: she's rushing out a line of "Paris for President" T-shirts (to be sold exclusively at Kitson, natch). E's Marc Malkin has more on this flagrant abuse of the campaign finance system:
More »"They'll probably be a women's T-shirt and one for men," a source tells me. "They're hurrying to get them out as soon as possible."
Ay yi yi: inspired, perhaps, by the evocative mashup that is The Dark Cock, Disney has decided to retool its controversial comedy Beverly Hills Chihuahua into an empowering political fable worthy of Manohla Dargis. No longer simply a slapstick stereotype-fest, it's now the story of a lone chihuahua birthed Athena-like from the head of Kevin Costner and thrust into that most awe-inspiring of responsibilities: casting a vote to decide the fate of the U.S. presidential election. After two hours of sturm and drang (and the advice from his precocious liberal daughter), will he make the right choice? Spoiler alert: after a persuasive lobbying from surrogate Tinkerbell, he picks Paris Hilton. [Beverly Hills Chihuahua]
Please, Don't Call It a Comeback
In New Video, Paris Hilton Rebukes McCain, Successfully Pronounces Big Words
First we were forced to give reluctant props to reality wannabe Khloe Kardashian, and now this: Paris Hilton has starred in a new video rebutting John McCain's "Celeb" ad, and it's...sigh, not that bad. Sure, we can give the lion's share of credit to writer Adam McKay (though he didn't help Step Brothers any), but the dim-bulb heiress totally nails her lines, forcing our grudging admiration. Just one bit of advice, Paris: though your proposed energy plan is intriguing, you'd better stay away from Tyra as VP.
Watch the video, after the jump:
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working blue
In Unorthodox Bid For Thin Mints, Joan Rivers Calls Women 'Whores' At Girl Scouts Fundraiser
Where does a 75-year-old comedienne go after being banished from British TV for cussing out Russell Crowe? Well, if you're Joan Rivers, you pick your filthy mouth up off the floor and move on to the next logical place for your brand of blue humor: a Girl Scout fundraiser in Orlando, Florida.
Rivers was there as the entertainment as the Citrus Council saluted "Women of Distinction." But Joan evidently didn't distinguish herself with some attendees at the Wednesday night function at Rosen Centre Hotel. We hear that she dropped the f-bomb frequently, called women "whores" repeatedly and sounded off on what the Girls Scouts didn't teach girls.More »
TMZPD
Celeb-Crazy LAPD Chief Just Happy That Lindsay Lohan Has Found A Nice Girl to Settle Down With
Good news for the beleaguered Hollywood paparazzi: LAPD Chief William Bratton opposes a new proposal to place restrictions on particularly aggressive photographers. In fact, he took time out of his daily workout to tell KNBC that the problem lies not with the paparazzi but with the bad girls they photograph — a salient point made amusing by Bratton's brusque verbiage and up-to-the-minute starlet savvy (preserved on video after the jump):"If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank god; and, evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue."More »
Politics
Paris and Britney Confused By McCain's Suggestion That They Are Still Famous
A clearly flailing John McCain has just released his new Obama attack ad and boy, is it a doozy! Employing a risky "Obama is awesome...but is he too awesome?" strategy that seems designed to fail, McCain calls Obama "the biggest celebrity in the world" (because if there's one thing America hates, it's celebrities) and plays footage of Obama's massive rallies and beatific smile that could have come from an Obama b-roll itself. The only signs that something is amiss are the split-second shots of Britney and Paris spliced into the ad — inclusions that have baffled the reps for both washed-up celebutantes. Says the Huffington Post:A representative from the 42West public relations firm declined to make a substantive comment to the Huffington Post, saying only, "why would we want to get Britney Spears involved in presidential politics?"More »
Earning Vouchers
Paris Hilton's Genitals Finally Go Legit In 'Repo: The Genetic Opera'
If—and that's a mighty big if—you've been clamoring for a glimpse of Repo: The Genetic Opera, the rock musical Paris Hilton has been plugging on every one of her dozen or so conciliatory David Letterman appearances, well, then, do we have good news for you. Just days after its U.S. premiere at Comic-Con, a clip of the movie—which takes place in a horrific future in which everything looks like mid-'90s Meatloaf video—has surfaced on YouTube. And wouldn't you know it: it just so happens to be Hilton's big number! Flanked by her two Black Party-rejectee henchmen, the triple-threatening heiress makes the most of her cameo, playing, as best as we can figure, a really terrible singer in a Bettie Page wig who loses basic motor functioning whenever Windex is injected via pneumatic syringe directly into her genitals.
defamer celebrations
Guilt, Power and Paris Hilton-Slaying: Happy Birthday, Joel Silver!
While the French and those who somehow love them celebrate yet another Bastille Day, July 14 has even more festive repercussions around Defamer HQ and Hollywood at large. To wit: Megaproducer/amateur publicist/career advisor Joel Silver was born on this day in 1952. The pride of South Orange, New Jersey, Silver made his first impact in 1970 as the co-creator of Ultimate Frisbee and never looked back. NYU Film School preceded his journey west, followed by an assistantship (and eventual partnership) with producer Lawrence Gordon and, before long, his own shingle — Silver Pictures, the epicenter of bullying, intimidation, projectile paperweights and bona fide blockbusters like Predator, Die Hard, Lethal Weapon and The Matrix. The flops came as well, including Hudson Hawk, Richie Rich and House of Wax — the latter of which is avenged in a little tribute video we cobbled together after the jump. More »
Rats
While health inspectors may have fallen head over heels in love with Pixar's restaurant impresario "Little Chef", it seems they can't stomach a vermin infestation at mold-friendly Newsroom Cafe. The eatery, favored by pseudo vegetarian starlets, went from achieving average status to full-blown suspension in a shake of a rat's tail. The restaurant is understandably befuddled after receiving the notice of closure since the soup-diving, steak tartare-preparing rats appeared so lovable on screen. But, the now relevantly monikered establishment plans to turn things around.
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Newsroom Cafe Update: Real Life Ratatouille Not Nearly As Popular As Movie
While health inspectors may have fallen head over heels in love with Pixar's restaurant impresario "Little Chef", it seems they can't stomach a vermin infestation at mold-friendly Newsroom Cafe. The eatery, favored by pseudo vegetarian starlets, went from achieving average status to full-blown suspension in a shake of a rat's tail. The restaurant is understandably befuddled after receiving the notice of closure since the soup-diving, steak tartare-preparing rats appeared so lovable on screen. But, the now relevantly monikered establishment plans to turn things around.
More »
clone wars
Don't Get It Twisted, Blake Lively Is Nothing Like Paris Hilton
Any way you slice it, Gossip Girl star Blake Lively is having one helluva year. Not only is her show a big hit (online, that is), but she's starring in the anticipated sequel to Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants, she got to spend a few minutes flirting with David Letterman and she landed herself on the cover of the new issue of Vanity Fair (and didn't even have to pose with McLovin to do it!). One would think all would be well in Blake Lively's world. However, one would be wrong. You see, there's this pesky problem issue of people getting her confused with Paris Hilton that is, like, so frustrating and stuff to her! As she explains in the new issue of Seventeen:
More »"Since I have a dog and blond hair, that must mean we're alike. It's a dumb thing to say. I don't think that makes us similar," Lively tells the new issue of Seventeen. "I don't know her, but I don't like being compared to anyone by somebody who doesn't know me. I'm my own person. I don't go to clubs, I don't party, I don't dance on tables and I don't like sex tapes."
Paris Hilton, What Have You Wrought?
Mini-Me Sex Tape Conclusive Proof That Our Civilization Is Doomed
Sex tapes. We've all seen them. Hell, by this point, we've probably all made them (and that includes Molls)! But even on your loneliest of lonely nights, when you dial up RedTube in search of the dirtiest, kinkiest porn that the Internets have to offer, we'd bet you dollars to donuts that none of you ever typed the words "Mini-Me Sex Tape" into Google looking to get off. That is, until now. According to our friends at TMZed:Yes, that's Mini-Me Verne Troyer in a sex tape shot with his former live-in girlfriend at the couple's apartment. A third party has snatched up the tape and although no deal has been made, we hear dealer Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Paris' video, is entertaining a $100k offer from SugarDVD to distribute the nastiness.More »
Tubby Tokers
Paris Hilton Proves You Can Never Be Too Rich Or Too Thin, But You Can Be Too Stoned
When it comes to values, there is no better role model than Paris Hilton. The heiress has a love for family members rich enough to post bail money, a love of puppies so strong it’s against the law, and a love for makin’ love in da club with other people’s boyfriends. But there are two things Paris cherishes more than anything in her Barbie Dreamhouse of a world: staying skinny and smoking the reefer. Which has recently presented a problem for the heiress with a heart of gold. According to the National Enquirer:
[Hilton] became concerned recently because her clothes have been growing tight and she knew she was gaining weight...’She will go to the bathroom to smoke at different Hollywood clubs, or sometimes she’ll just light up in the VIP area,’ said the source.”
So how does one choose between wearing pretty dresses and using Annie Hall's solution to having sex with an unattractive boyfriend? Paris’ decision, after the jump.
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hollywood privacywatch
Hollywood Privacywatch: Britney Spears Enjoys Some Poolside Chicken Fingers
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by the loyal readers of Defamer. We'd like to remind you that this feature is powered by you, so if you want to see more installments of PrivacyWatch, then all you've got to do is to send us your sightings. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Britney Spears huffing smokes while eating poolside chicken fingers.
In today's installment: Britney Spears, Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Luke Wilson, David Beckham, Dennis Hopper, Gwen Stefani, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Zooey Deschanel, Rainn Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Judy Greer, Phil Spector, Kevin Federline, Morgan Spurlock, Kristen Chenoweth, Judy Greer, Cloris Leachman, John Slattery, Emma Stone, Bijou Philips, Jane Lynch, Dean Cain, John Corbett, Paul Scheer, and more.
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Fighting Fire With Fur
