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crash dummies

Movie Industry Mouthpieces Shockingly Confident in Movie Industry's Recession Resiliency

In an environment as volatile and prone to bullshit as the film business is, we tip our caps to the guileless souls who keep it real when things are looking down. Particularly people like MPAA president Dan Glickman, who, when asked by Time Magazine how the industry's '08 crop of retreads, sequels and adaptations might weather the sluggish economy, steadfastly refused to toe the company line:

"When times are bad, our business seems to buck the trend," says Dan Glickman. ... "The movies are great therapy. It's a lot cheaper than a psychiatrist." ...

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9:00 AM on Mon Mar 24 2008
By STV
672 views, 11 comments

Latest by raincoaster: Just add a little recession-friendly alcohol behind the counters, though, and hear those cash registers sing. I like the way you think. This would have turned Sweeney Todd into a sing-a-long! more »

trade roundup

Innocent Data Entry Error Triples Reported College-Student Movie Piracy Numbers; MPAA Apologizes For Previous Call To Have All Universities Burned To The Ground

· Whoopsies! The MPAA admits that a 2005 study "incorrectly concluded" that movie piracy by college students is responsible for 44 percent of the industry's domestic losses, claiming that a "data entry" error ever so slightly inflated the actual "key number" of 15 percent. [THR]
· Fox and The CW have joined CBS in announcing a more "targeted" approach to the strike-abbreviated pilot season, taking an opportunity to dump projects the networks either can't or don't want to make whenever the WGA and AMPTP reach a new deal. Additionally, ABC is threatening to lighten its script load by 30 percent. [Variety]
[After the jump: Idol crushes rivals (again); studio speciality divisions dominate Oscar noms; Jericho finds a basic cable home.]

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12:35 PM on Wed Jan 23 2008
By Mark
1,304 views, 4 comments

Latest by thrillwill: But Jericho will fit in nicely right between the god awful Flash Gordon (I'm feeling sick just typing it) and Miserable People in Outer Space (AKA BSG). more »

deterrance dept

The Ultimate MPAA Anti-Piracy Ad


Even though the anti-piracy ad embedded above was mocked up by the writers of British (and soon to be NBC) sitcom The IT Crowd, we wouldn't be too surprised if the MPAA was already working on a version to run before American films to help stop the widespread disrespecting of copyrights. Sure, they'll need to change small details like having its scofflaw defecate into a more-recognizable LAPD hat rather than a quaint bobby helmet, but the Brits have already done the rest of the work in communicating to file-sharing teens the core message that downloading a camcorded copy of Good Luck Chuck will earn them a bullet in their bittorrent-addled brains.

3:42 PM on Mon Sep 10 2007
By Mark
1,008 views, 6 comments

Latest by BabylonSister: @Miss d: Yeah, I think your punishment for downloading a recent Hollywood film is actually having a copy of it in your home or office, and maybe accidentally watching it. more »

It doesn't have any mention of "grizzly images," but this list of MPAA ratings justifications does have an "intense depiction of very bad weather", a Jeffersonian "bawdy puppet show," and "strong bloody ninja violence." [Matineer]

4 comments

not-so-stupid pet tricks

Lucky And Flo Take Manhattan


We're still feeling a little guilty for posting that photo of fake naked leopard man earlier today, which we readily admit was equal parts nauseating and underwhelming, and utterly devoid of any of the charms that made the authentic Naked Leopard Man such a timeless classic. To make it up to you, we have what we consider to be a very special treat: Lucky and Flo, the two highly trained dogs who can not only sniff out pirated DVDs, but then engage their handlers in a vigorous match of Frisbee Fetch with said contraband, paid a visit to The Today Show this morning.

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2:26 PM on Tue Aug 28 2007
By Seth
2,209 views, 6 comments

Latest by BabylonSister: And they came off as at least 70 IQ points higher (each) than Li'l Miss Caitlin, aka The Miss Teen South Africa, um, Carolina such as, on the same program. more »

trade roundup

Fox Throws Hands In The Air, Decides It Has No Choice But To Make 'Dallas' As A Comedy

· Realizing that no matter what their vision was going in for a long-planned, big-screen adaptation of Dallas, the final result would be hilarious, Regency and 20th Century have finally decided to just give up and officially make it as a comedy. Betty Thomas will direct, and John Travolta will still star as JR Ewing, playing the part in only a slightly bigger fashion as a nod to the project's new direction. [Variety]
· Once again, the DGA refuses to allow For Your Consideration DVD screeners to be sent to members for their yearly awards, forcing guild members to schlep out to screenings to see their peers' work presented as it was intended. [THR]
· Following the less-than-blockbuster results of promotions for movies like Akeelah and the Bee and Arctic Tale, Hollywood is discovering that Starbucks might not be marketing monolith that they'd had hoped it would be. Several studios are now considering scaled-back versions of the failing Starbucks experiment, such as planting paid confederates to sit by the door of The Coffee Bean and loudly shout into a cellphone about how much they loved a partner's movie. [Variety]
· It's about time someone made a RenFair comedy*: Universal buys the Rainn Wilson project Renaissance Man, about two community theater actors who hide out a renaissance fair after thinking they've killed one of their co-stars. (*For real; and no, we don't count that one part in The Cable Guy.) [THR]
· Focus Features accepts the MPAA's NC-17 rating for Ang Lee's erotically charged espionage thriller Lust, Caution for "too many scenes of artsy-fartsy fucking." [Variety]

12:16 PM on Fri Aug 24 2007
By Mark
1,786 views, 8 comments

Latest by ericdsnider: Travolta's head is so big he'll have to wear a 15-gallon hat. (ba-DUM) more »

heroes

Lucky And Flo To Receive Malaysia's Highest Honor

We're happy to report that Lucky and Flo, the two bacon-lovingest detectives in all of the MPAA, have nearly completed their Malaysian tour of duty, during which they uncovered millions of dollars worth of counterfeit DVDs while successfully evading the bounty hunters who sought to deliver their doggie heads on a plate. Unlike their annoying, Jason Lee-voiced big screen counterpart, however, these canine heroes are every bit the real deal, and the Malaysian government is throwing them a ceremony to show their gratitude: More »

2:49 PM on Thu Aug 16 2007
By Seth
721 views, 4 comments

Latest by BabylonSister: Was there a live performance of Thriller? Oh, wait, wrong Pacific Rim nation. more »

At Thursday afternoon's Cinerama Dome celebration of the memory of late MPAA icon Jack Valenti, Steven Bochco offered these words of tribute: "He was the human equivalent of the iPhone. He was a small, sleek package with irresistible features." It's probably best that Valenti himself didn't live to see the iPhone era himself, as he likely would have seen the device as "the Son of Sam of intellectual property theft waiting to blast away the young lovers of copyright as they make out in the front of a parent's Oldsmobile, an infernal machine that infuriatingly allows the brazen pirate to call up his friends and brag about how easy it is to steal food from the mouths of hard-working Hollywood professionals." [LAT]

2 comments

ursine torture porn

More 'Captivity' Ad Fun: Elisha Cuthbert Vs. The Grizzly Bears


The producers of Captivity, still reeling from protests about their overly graphic, unauthorized billboards, should gird themselves for a fresh round of outrage from the public. Once it's discovered that their movie contains disturbing images of star Elisha Cuthbert being disembowelled by sadistic bears, they'll likely face protests by PETA, and be forced to fall back once again on the disingenuous explanation that they're just trying to tell an uplifting story of grizzly empowerment. More »

8:19 AM on Thu Jun 21 2007
By Mark
4,097 views, 21 comments

propaganda

Dan Glickman: We Are Living In A Golden Age Of Hollywood Crap

To celebrate a summer movie season that has delivered an unprecedented, soul-crushing string of record-breaking pirate-, ogre-, and superhero-related sequels, MPAA spirit squad captain Dan Glickman has grabbed his pom-poms and megaphone and headed for the Huffington Post to lead the world in a call-and-response "Holly!"..."WOOD!" cheer, careful not to tear anything amid his flurry of ecstatic scissor-kicks. Glickman reminds us that the while the MySpaces and the YouTubes may have their place in modern life, nothing beats a wholesome trip to the multiplex to watch horny college girls get eviscerated by sadistic hostel-keepers for old-fashioned community-building: More »

10:43 AM on Tue Jun 19 2007
By Mark
1,008 views, 4 comments

Latest by Miss d: *sigh* oh the days when me and the gang rode our Huffys down to the 1 screen theatre, had some soda pop floats and then spent a delightful afternoon watching Flash Gordon serials and cowboy films... ahem.. 'young' Dan is talking more »

thank you for not smoking

Anti-Smoking Activists Not Buying MPAA's Lip Service


Back on Thursday, MPAA head Dan Glickman attempted to mollify an increasingly militant anti-tobacco lobby by introducing a complicated algorithm for adjusting the ratings for films in which the filthy, "increasingly...unacceptable behavior" of smoking is prominently depicted, which takes into account such factors as pervasiveness, historical context, and how many sexual partners a protagonist accumulates directly from the image-boost an omnipresent Marlboro affords him. More »

10:49 AM on Tue May 15 2007
By Mark
1,385 views, 14 comments

ratings

MPAA To Now Designate Movies As Rated Light, Ultra Light, And Menthol

As his first major order of business since the passing of his larger-than-life predecessor, current MPAA honcho Dan Glickman has announced that the federal ratings board will take the unprecedented measure of factoring in on-screen cigarette smoking into their ratings decisions. But rather than risking penalizing a worthy, smoke-filled-room movie like Good Night and Good Luck with a rating of "LC-17: Parents Strongly Cautioned Some Material May Indirectly Lead to Lung Cancer," the board has established several mitigating circumstances: More »

4:35 PM on Thu May 10 2007
By Seth
1,908 views, 10 comments

Latest by s00p3rm4n: Goddamn Jesus humpers and their selective hypocrisy. Seth's reasons why smoking is awesome (in movies): 1) It's something for actors to do - it's business in a scene, and actors need that to keep from slipping into their trailers and more »

trade roundup

Then Again, Maybe 'Spider-Man 3' Will Be Huge

· After shattering a number of box office records in Asia, Spider-Man 3 is now making a mockery of European ticket-buying benchmarks. Based on this preliminary data, we now predict a $400 million opening weekend in America, kicking off an eventual $3 billion domestic run. [Variety]
· We much prefer THR's "Tom Poston, master of sidekicks" obit headline to yesterday's weak "clueless everyman" effort. [THR]
· Emma Roberts will star "as a spoiled Malibu princess" in the Universal comedy Wild Child; accusations that Auntie Julia somehow got her the role by promising Universal a favor to follow. [Variety]
· NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg honors late MPAA copyright enforcer Jack Valenti's legacy by announcing a "three-pronged" attack on the city's movie pirates. [THR]
· Still giddy over the huge piles of cash Frank Miller's 300 generated for them, Warner Bros. options the rights to his graphic novel Ronin. They plan to shoot in the same CGI-heavy way, hoping that hordes of well-muscled "gangs of mutants and thugs" with computer-enhanced six-packs will prove as wildly popular as the first project's sweaty, ripped Greeks. [Variety]

1:34 PM on Wed May 2 2007
By Mark
499 views, 1 comment

Latest by TheLimey: Are you sure it wasn't Don Rumsfeld who said Spidey 3 would tank? Now a moment's silence for Tom Poston . . . RIP more »

trade roundup

Hollywood PallbearerWatch: Spielberg, Arnold Draw Honorary Duty At Valenti Funeral

· 3,000 attend the Spider-Man 3 Tribeca Film Festival premiere in Astoria, Queens, uncharitably described as "roughly the east coast equivalent of Van Nuys." We hope nobody from Var is planning any trips to that borough in the near future, as we fear for their safety after that slight. [Variety]
· The U.S. Trade Representative puts China and Russia on notice, naming the two nations as the world-leaders in copyright theft, and threatening them with visits from DVD-sniffing wonderdogs Lucky and Flo should they not demonstrate a commitment to stopping movie piracy. [THR]
· "Magic" screen test chemistry lands 26-year-old Australian unknown Luke Ford a key role in the next Mummy movie, a casting move that may allow Universal to jettison Brendan Fraser after this installment and continue the franchise with cheaper talent. [Variety]
· Steven Spielberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Fox's Peter Chernin, Disney's Bob Iger, and dozens of others pull honorary pallbearer duty at Jack Valenti's Washington, DC funeral. [THR]
· Peter Jackson is shopping around his spec adaptation of Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones; predictably left out of the bidding war fun: New Line, whom Jackson is suing for untold millions in Lord of the Rings royalties he claims to be owed. [Variety]
· In a move meant to recognize the breadth and quality of the original programming that plays above its famous scrolling grid of television listings, the TV Guide Channel boldly rebrands as TV Guide Network. [THR]

11:57 AM on Tue May 1 2007
By Mark
684 views, 5 comments

Latest by lrubemp: Love how west coast types comment on everything cultural while knowing absolutely nothing -- it's so, well, Hollywood. more »

trade roundup

A Trade Paper Salute To Jack Valenti

· Variety remembers recently deceased MPAA legend Jack Valenti, calling him "colorful," "charismatic," a "prime mover behind the movie ratings system," and the "industry's most ardent cheerleader." Also: "The silver-haired Valenti was a natty dresser and courtly gentleman who enjoyed using five-dollar words and arcane historical and literary allusions as he spoke out on numerous issues, all of which seemed to get him into a high lather." [Variety]
· The Reporter remembers Valenti as an "eloquent, high-level power broker" and recalls the "hump the hostess" anecdote of which we're so fond. [THR]
· In other Valenti news: His memoir, This Time, This Place, will still be released on June 5th, as planned. [Variety]
· American Idol fans overlook the show's unspeakably inhumane gotcha! prank on eventual winner Jordin Sparks, donating $60 million to its Idol Gives Back charity drive so far. [THR]
· ABC rides a penis worm and a set of giant, deformed balls to a Thursday night win to kick off May sweeps. [Variety]

12:14 PM on Fri Apr 27 2007
By Mark
410 views, 3 comments

Latest by s00p3rm4n: @Everybody Likes Pandas: But in Valenti's world, the "lick" was an enjoyable movie and the "Tootsie Pop" was prison. more »

trade roundup

Trade Round-Up: Williams, Travolta To Form Latest Unholy Buddy Comedy Union

· No, sillies! His name is Gay! LOL! CMT would never hire a real Gay! [Variety]
· We thought that Disney could never top itself after casting John Travolta, Tim Allen, and Martin Lawrence together in Wild Hogs, but they've just officially blown our minds by getting Travolta and Robin Williams into Old Dogs, the story of "two best friends and business partners whose lives are turned upside down when they find themselves in the care of 7-year-old twins." This one could do $300 million, easy. [THR]
· With no more female-friendly MOW worlds to conquer after landing both Jennie Garth and Lacey Chabert for upcoming projects, Lifetime president/CEO Betty Cohen "steps down" barely 24 hours after the network's upfront presentations. [Variety]
· Following yesterday's (possibly premature) reports that Spiderman: 3 may have already been pirated in Beijing, enraged MPAA head Dan Glickman stops just short of announcing an immediate Hollywood-led nuclear strike against China. [THR]
· In happier MPAA news, pirate-hunter emeritus Jack Valenti is out of the hospital after a recent stroke, but could suffer a setback should he be updated on this troubling China/Spider-Man situation. [Variety] More »

12:07 PM on Wed Apr 25 2007
By Mark
1,046 views, 14 comments

Latest by Scout: @Desk_hack: I will gladly pay $50 to join you. We can hide out in a cave and watch Six Feet Under DVDs and pig out on those incredible Ferrero-Rochet-thing chocolates. more »

lucky and flo

Lucky And Flo Hightail It To The Philippines

Lucky and Flo, the MPAA's quadruped crimefighting duo that's a DVD pirates' worst, furry-faced nightmare, have left Malaysia for the shores of the Philippines, putting some much-needed distance between them and any Malaysian mercenaries out to claim the reported $14,286 bounty on their heads. Currently in Manila, the dogs have quickly put their polycarbonate-sniffing skills to good use: More »

1:50 PM on Mon Apr 16 2007
By Seth
1,429 views, 8 comments

lucky and flo

Lucky And Flo And The Case Of The Extended Tour Of Malaysian Duty

Lucky and Flo, the two most adorable, stinky-breathed foot soldiers in the MPAA's ongoing war against entertainment piracy, have been ordered to extend their illegal-disc-sniffing tour of duty in Malaysia well past the loaner month that had originally been agreed to:
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10:36 AM on Tue Apr 10 2007
By Seth
935 views, 6 comments