CBS Not Reinventing The Sitcom And Cop Show Wheel Here, Folks

Following a detour in last season's CBS programming strategy which saw the network throw a few wackier ideas against the fridge to see what stuck (Drac Steele, Vampire P.I. and The Singing Venetian, Hugh Jackman's addition to the musical-casino genre, were what stuck), it seems they have returned to the dependability of laugh-tracks and procedurals for the fall 2008-09 season. At their upfronts announcement this morning at their New York offices, Les Moonves and trusty commandantes Nina Tassler and Kelly Kahl made official their last-minute, 22-episode order of The New Adventures of Old Christine, the unlikely story of what happens when Elaine loses her balls and spends the majority of her leisure time bickering with her ex-husband and his new girlfriend. Following them on Wednesdays is a new sitcom, Project Gary, starring Jay Mohr, while another new, single-camera comedy, Worst Week, joins the Monday night lineup, alongside all the wisecracking nerd-geniuses and Britney guest spots you've come to expect.

Procedural goodness after the jump!

Mel Gibson To Don His Actor's Hat Once More

· Mel Gibson has signed on for his first acting job since Signs and We Were Soldiers back in 2002. In Edge of Darkness, a feature based on a BBC miniseries from the '80s, he'll play "a straitlaced police investigator whose activist daughter is killed, probably by the Jews." [Variety]
· Could one-half of the lusty network coupling responsible for siring struggling, bastard offspring The CW be missing their former identity? Warner Bros. just launched TheWB.com, where you can catch streamed episodes of old programming and newly launched online series. [Variety]

Viacom PR Admits 'Public Crapping' May Not Bode Well For New Pay Network

The marketplace reaction to the fourth feevee was predictable: Who needs it?

Paramount, Showtime, CBS Spend Weekend Fighting in Grandpa Sumner Redstone's Sandbox of Death

Tyra Banks And Ashton Kutcher Combine Deadly Reality Forces

· If the concept of the two names Tyra Banks and Ashton Kutcher (Tyrashton?) melding into a single, reality-TV -producing force for ABC would drive you to incontinence with excitement, well, maybe you should take a bathroom break before reading this story. [THR]
· Quarterlife, the drama from the creators of thirtysomething that started as a pilot at ABC, then got resuscitated for MySpace, and finally was resurrected on NBC, tanked last night, posting a 1.6 rating/4 share. The series about "twentysomethings coming of age in the digital generation" was doomed to be outdated before it ever reached a wide audience, already replaced with far more timely takes on the same material, like ABC's mid-season replacement, Tumblr Road. [Variety]

McG's 'Terminator' Stakes A Spot In The Distant Future

Hollywood Hills Real Estate Listing Brings Us One Step Closer To Mt. Mogulmore

With news that 138 acres of land just west of the H in the Hollywood sign have been put up for sale yesterday by Chicago investors, the last impediment to Mt. Mogulmore—Les Moonves's masterplan of constructing an enduring companion monument to the nine-letter icon—is but a mere $22 million check away.

Last Negotiator Standing

· Cobbling together various reports about what transpired between the WGA and the studios before negotiations were abruptly halted at the end of last week, the creators of Hollywood Rumble have produced this dramatic recreation of the unfortunate events of late Friday afternoon.
· You know who's not going broke even if the strike lasts until 2105? Les Moonves.
· Why are famous people so damn crazy? A crazy stylist-to-the-stars offers his exciting theories!
· Those too impatient to wait for Sweeney Todd's release can get a small measure of relief for their barber-blueballs here.
· You can't have The Office right now, but you can have An Office.

Angelina Jolie To Sex Up Boring Old Spy Story About Gun-Running And Terrorists

· Paramount acquires the rights to the life of spy Kathi Lynn Austin, whose arms-trafficking and terrorism-related adventures could become "an action vehicle" for Angelina Jolie that will ultimately bear little to no resemblance to the intelligence operative's real life. [Variety]
· To help CBS survive the strike/break the wills of writers, Les Moonves plans to repurpose edited versions of Showtime series like Dexter for use on his content-starved broadcast network, though it's unclear whether this idea will include a fucking-lite version of Californication. [THR]
· Publicists love Judd Apatow! He'll be named 2007's "outstanding film showman" at the 45th annual Flackies. [Variety]