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Dustin Diamond

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defamer casting

And The Gold Medal For Casting Michael Phelps Goes To...

Like a record-setting swimmer surging forward towards the goal, you, the Defamer readership, have flooded us with suggestions for which actor could best play the role of gold medal Olympian Michael Phelps. Swimming prowess was secondary (that's what they have CG for) and so were bankable names; after all, no A-list actor worth mentioning could hope to fill the speedo of these perfectly cast finalists.

Bronze, silver and gold medals awarded after the jump:

More »

5:40 PM on Thu Aug 14 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
7,788 views, 13 comments

Latest by Baronzemo: Fred Phelps? You guys wanna make a movie based on Westboro Baptists's Pastor Fred Phelps?+ Watch video ooohhh, Michael Fred more »

Go Bayside!

We're So Excited: Screech Set To Unveil The Sex And Drugs Behind The Scenes Of 'Saved By The Bell'

When we used to wake up in the mornin’ after the alarm gave out a warnin’, it was always alright ‘cuz we were Saved By The Bell. Yes, all you ‘80s-born kiddies, the show we embarrassingly grew up watching religiously despite the fact that catching a rerun these days makes us dry-heave, is in the headlines again. The frizzy-haired, unemployed trophy winner of the World’s Most Nauseating Sex Tape (that is, until Mini-Me stole the title), Dustin “Screech” Diamond, has given up on those comedy club circuit dreams and made the heroic decision to put his nose to the mirror grindstone. As Vulture reports, we will soon have the pleasure reading a tell-all book scripted by Diamond, detailing what really went on behind the scenes of that epic show. And if you’re like us, who consider Jesse Spano’s “I’m So Excited...I’m So...Scared” scene a pivotal moment in our adolescence, don’t despair — Diamond is said to be more than ready to spill each and every bean when it comes to revealing all of the dirty deets of Bayside High School's Class of 1993. More »

6:10 PM on Thu Jul 24 2008
By Molly Friedman
4,726 views, 15 comments

Latest by dluvvly: At least something interesting will finally come out of this show. Makes 'Zoey 101' look like 'Masterpiece Theater.' more »

the end of ideas

Celebrity Wrestling All Fun Until Dustin Diamond Gets Hurt, And Then It's Fucking Hilarious

It's either the best or worst idea in the history of television, but it's no doubt the most contradictory: Set for CMT this fall, Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling features competitors vying for some kind of reality-show supremacy in the wrasslin' arts, whose tactics they'll apparently learn from judges like Hogan and coaches including former pro stars Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Brian Knobbs. But then we had a look at the participants, and really, we wonder if CMT even has to buy insurance for this show: More »

11:20 AM on Fri Jun 6 2008
By STV
3,969 views, 16 comments

Latest by TheQuestion: @NoWireHangers: Now, see, THAT'S a show I'd watch, especially if Screech and Trashelle (no, that's INTENTIONALLY spelled that way) are more »

par-kay

Because Nothing Screams 'Buy This Butter Substitute' Like An Endorsement From Screech

The last time we saw Screech, he was waving a dildo around on Celebrity Fit Club. The time before that? It was in his self-released sex tape. With a resume like that, you'd think that Dustin Diamond's next gig would be as a jizzmopper at The Cathouse or something. But you'd be wrong. In what will surely go down as one of the most mocked marketing decisions of this still young year, Screech was just signed to be the pitchman of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter." More »

4:06 PM on Thu Feb 28 2008
By Mark Graham
3,227 views, 11 comments

Latest by SanFranBetsu: Feces loving Screetch selling butter. They better not count on me to buy their product. more »

dustin diamond

Dustin Diamond Sex Tape Reviewed; Verdict: Save Your Money

Glory-hole-inspecting sister site Fleshbot has selflessly subjected itself to the crimes against amateur celebrity pornography committed by opportunistic former Saved by the Bell star Dustin Diamond by reviewing Screeched, the "stolen" sex tape in which the actor supposedly lures a pair of stray bachelorette party revelers back to his motel room for an erotic adventure involving a bubble bath and the lighthearted defilement of a luck lady's upper lip with the feces of career-reviving desperation. The verdict? Unsurprisingly, the product is a letdown: More »

10:55 AM on Wed Nov 22 2006
By Mark
28,258 views, 1 comment

Latest by Miss Cast: Would that be an expert ass-essment? more »

dustin diamond

Uncle Screech Wants You! To Pre-Order His Scatalicious Sex Tape

"Sultan of Sleaze" David Hans Schmidt appeared on Howard Stern's radio show this morning to plug Dustin Diamond's own entry into an already crowded field of celebrity sex tapes featuring furry, squeaky-voiced children's television stars. Apparently, Diamond's previous boasts to Stern about his megalithic manhood were not exaggerated: More »

5:19 PM on Wed Oct 11 2006
By Seth
4,956 views, 9 comments

Latest by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: How about the 'Rusty Widget Digit'? more »

screech

Screech Sex Tape Previews Not Getting Any Less Depressing

TMZ.com has unveiled the second installment of their de facto infomercial for the Screech sex tape, complete with a new clip from the video featuring Dustin Diamond's "co-stars." Luckily, their faces are pixelated, their voices digitally altered, and are only vaguely described as "from the heart of the Midwest and in their early 20's," which should at least temporarily forestall the unprecedented shame they will experience for accepting a gig that even the most emotionally ravaged porn star would refuse for the purpose of maintaining some elemental shred of dignity. (TMZ has also helpfully included celebrity smut-puddler David Hans Schmidt's entire promotional itinerary, so you'll know where you can next catch him hawking his wares.) As an alternative to the new preview footage, we offer this clip of SNL's Weekend Update coverage of the story, which while not all that funny, at least makes us feel less complicit in assisting Diamond's attempt to ride a Dirty Sanchez back to semi-fame. Isn't even a highly theoretical sex act sacred anymore?

6:06 PM on Tue Oct 3 2006
By Mark
951 views, Comment

screech

Screech's 'Saved By The Smell': The Teaser Trailer

TMZ.com has obtained (read: been given a copy of by the celebrity porn broker who's trying to sell it, and who's interviewed alongside the clip) a preview of the Screech sex tape, featuring 42 seconds of star Dustin Diamond soaking in a bathtub and then describing one of the video's featured sex acts to the camera. (Yeah, probably the Dirty Sanchez one.) For now, we can deal with the mildly scarring sight of Screech reclining in the tub, possibly in the early stages of sexual arousal. But we know that we'll eventually be required to watch the full video when it's eventually "leaked," a psychically scarring ordeal that will almost certainly permanently replace our happy, innocent memories of the Saved by the Bell gang sharing plates of French fries at The Max with nightmarish images of an imposingly bedonged Screech sodomizing a Jessie/Lisa tag-team as a self-gratifying Zach cheers them on. More »

5:41 PM on Wed Sep 27 2006
By Mark
62,905 views, 14 comments

Latest by iouuuuuu: Zack did not die in a motorcycle accident. He's very much alive and is doing a movie at the more »

sex tapes

Horseman Of The Sex-Tape Apocalypse About To Deliver Screech Scat Video

Prepare yourselves, for all of Western civilization is about to destroyed by the latest, utterly irreparable tear in the washed-up-celebrity/amateur-sex-tape continuum. This morning's news of a forthcoming Dustin "Screech" Diamond fornication video certainly signals the end of days, not only because of the childhood nostalgia-annihilating debasement of its onetime child star, but because of the highly theoretical sex act supposedly performed by a person whose previous on-screen romantic entanglements were limited to a severe case of Lisa Turtle-supplied prepubescent blue balls.* Hoard the bottled water, cans of tuna fish, and currency in small denominations, for it just gets worse from here. Reports Rush & Molloy: More »

9:12 AM on Wed Sep 27 2006
By Mark
37,649 views, 39 comments

Latest by BunnySkull: It's obviously a P.R. hoax. One big give away is at that lame "save my house" site he's hawking t-shirts more »