Defamer

Welcome To Braintown

· Hollywood: Divvied by I.Q.s.
· Relive a rollercoaster of strike-related emotions.
· Carson Daly's decision to cross the picket lines and employ his father as a scab doesn't go over so great.
· If For Your Consideration ads had Oscars, Walk Hard would have already won.
· Find Enchanted's hidden "fuck!"
· Hm. Do fat people repulse us? Maybe we should apply for The Moment of Truth and find out!
· A fat line with Kenickie is like a Hallmark card...when you care enough to send the very best.
· The Curious Case of the Rashy Beauty Queen
· Marie Osmond wants to be the girl with the most cake, but that honor goes to Helio.
· Jake Gyllenhaal to climb into a butch pair of tights, but Reese wears the pants in the family.
· There's just something about Carrot Top, isn't there?
· A grassroots T-shirt slogan campaign arises around a simple, five-word desire: "I'm Looking to Blow Beowulf."

The Sound Of Two Hands Clapping Really, Really Fast

· Superclapper!
· Paris Hilton brings further shame upon her family name by haggling at a Japanese pawn shop: "We told her we'd give her another 5 percent off, as well as the tax reduction we'd already made. I figured I wouldn't always get a chance to get this close, so I asked her for an autograph. She'd said she'd give it to me, but wanted another 5 percent discount if she signed her autograph for me." [via Kaiju Shakedown]
· Surviving the 2005 tsunami has made that Victoria's Secret model into an adrenaline junkie. After all, what are the odds that she could live through clinging to a tree in raging waters for hours while 200,000 other people were killed, but then die two years later when her parachute failed to open?
· Self-awareness is really what landed Will Smith in the top ten on EW's Smart List.

Love-Refusing Bachelor Brad Womack Runs The Daytime Talk Show Gaunlet

Remember Brad Womack, the slab of The Bachelor man-beef who ripped out America's heart, doused it in Old Spice, and then set the still-beating organ aflame by failing to pretend he'd fallen for either of the two contestants who'd survived weeks of televised culling? Of course you do. That stuff only happened a week ago! Anyway: after giving him the what-for on yesterday's program, today Ellen DeGeneres invited Womack to her show so that should could get some fucking answers to questions she felt weren't adequately addressed during the post-finale interrogation that repeatedly stole the breath of a studio audience scandalized by his inability to let love heal his tortured soul.

Your Weekend Of Holiday Festivals

Dr. Seuss Presents: The Grinchy Negotiators Who Stole Christmas

As the last four day of negotiations between the WGA and AMPTP ended on a rather discouraging note, with the Guild's public statement revealing that they won't be jumping into bed to consummate the studios' underwhelming New Economic Partnership until they come up with some sexier numbers, Hollywood now hurtles quickly towards a holiday season full of empty stockings, less-than-joyous picketing carols, and scaled-back Yuletide orgies. Still, some who toil in the industry are determined to party themselves into the New Year undeterred by strike-induced despair; this e-mail invitation from a "bunch of junior execs at the studios who live together in a big house in the Hollywood Hills" posted over at CNBC reporter Julia Boorstin's Media Money blog defies twin negotiating Grinches Patric Verrone and Nick Counter to try and steal their Christmas with exhaustively Seuss-inspired verse:

Every roommate Down in Hollywoodville, Liked the holidays a lot... But the Guilds, Who lived just south of Hollywood, Did NOT!

Until we saw this clip from Larry King Live last night, we honestly had no clue how hard Johnny Carson made things for our secretly favorite Dancing with the Stars contestant, Wayne Newton, who couldn't pull on a single, sequined polyester outfit and launch into song in a Las Vegas floorshow without having the late night despot crack some crass joke questioning his sexuality. (And later, he claims, finagling him a spot on a Mafia's Most Wanted hit list.)

Evel Knievel Jumps Motorcycle All The Way To Heaven

According to his website (and now, these wire service reports), Robert Craig "Evel" Knievel, the motorcycle-jumping daredevil of the1960 and 70s whose flamboyant, patriotically decorated jumpsuits were nearly as thrilling as his breathtaking leaps across the Caesar's Palace fountains or the Snake River Canyon, has passed at the age of 69. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with his legendary body of work, our customary posthumous search for tribute material instantly yielded this musical montage celebrating the icon's stunts, allowing us to remember him in the gravity-defying fashion in which he lived.

• In Memory Of Evel Knievel [Evelknieval.com]
• Evel Knievel Tribute Video [YouTube]

Making Out With Our Advertisers A Little Bit

Please join us in laying a big, wet, thankful smooch upon this week's sponsors, any of whom we'd happily still kiss on-camera even if we were blood relations. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and break some taboos, see this page.

Special thanks to: Belvedere Vodka, Crunch Fitness, Daft Punk, Dewars, Focus Features, Mandalay Bay, The New, New Museum, Register.com, The Shot, Uwushunu.com, The Whitest Kids U'Know

Audience Video Offers Kathy 'Suck Me, Jesus' Griffin The Way She Was Meant To Be Seen

Rupert Murdoch Not Going To Let The Strike Ruin His Xmas Party Plans

· Tom Cruise's career as a studio mogul is off to an inauspicious start, as poor box office results for Lions for Lambs suggest he hasn't quite cultivated the hitmaking instincts MGM believed he had when they handed him United Artists. Next up: Tom tries to kill Hitler! [Variety]
· Entertainment companies are facing a difficult choice as the year draws to a close: Should they continue on with their holiday party plans despite the presence of nearby striking writers, pelting them with cocktail weenies and cups of eggnog purchased with money they're saving on internet residual payments? Or should they shut down their galas, recognizing the economic hardships brought about by the work stoppage? For its part, Fox will continue on with a somewhat scaled-down version of the weenie-and-eggnog assault plans, as Rupert Murdoch was especially looking forward to drenching a couple of strikers himself. [THR]

Elizabeth Berkley To Host Bravo's 'Project Dance-Off,' Darlin'

We've got a serious case of the rainy-day, writers strike blues—when not even Writer Boi's dope rollback rhymes, the fact that it's Friday, or the announcement that the Doggie Chow-loving star of Goddess has emerged from retirement to host a reality dance-competition on Bravo seems enough to cheer us up:

Elizabeth Berkley has been tapped to host Bravo's new reality competition series "Step It Up and Dance" (formerly "Step It Up"), sources said.

All Hail Reese Witherspoon, Hollywood's Highest-Paid Non-Male Performer

Today, all the world will bow before the awesome earning power of 2007's Most Expensive Female Movie Star: pointy-chinned romantic comedy juggernaut Reese Witherspoon, whose ability to command in excess of $15 million per picture can't even be compromised by ill-advised on-screen dalliances with her lower-grossing, dreamy-eyed, alleged in-flight soulmate. The Reporter has just released the list of Hollywood's best-compensated actresses, its annual reshuffling of the names of the only 10 ladies who get offered roles more satisfying than "allegedly homely best friend" or "youngish mother of a sassy teenager":

Double Shooting At Les Deux: Watch The Bloody Aftermath!

Always first on the scene when gunfire is exchanged, weaves yanked, or drunken opinions expressed outside Hollywood's most action-packed drinking establishments, TMZ's cameras captured footage of the disturbing aftermath of a shooting that took place near Les Deux last night.