hollywood strikewatch
Of the countless doomsday scenarios we've pondered since the kickoff of the StrikeWatch season, perhaps none has been more upsetting than the one suggested by the above Fox e-Alert that just landed in our inbox: a primetime TV schedule where's there's nothing to watch but Regis Philbin and Clay Aiken furrowing their brows in frustration at grade-school geometry lessons long forgotten, determined not to hear a smug Jeff Foxworthy ask, "So, since it's obvious that being famous has made you retarded, why don't you ask little Bobby over here how many sides a rhombus has?"
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Defamer Costume Ideas
It seems not a season can pass without at least one foul-mouthed, racist celebrity tirade rearing its ugly head, and we suppose Dog the Bounty Hunter would seem as good a candidate as any for the latest iteration. For one thing, his name is Dog. Furthermore, the guy's a bounty hunter. In an n-word splattered audio recording obtained by The National Enquirer, Dog forbids his son from dating an African-American woman for the rather curious and self-fulfilling logic that it will force him to utter the n-word more often—that's just the way he refers to African-Americans, you see—and that might eventually find its way into "the Enquirer magazine," ultimately putting the cuddly bounty hunting persona he's worked so hard to cultivate in jeopardy.
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Though it pains us to admit it, we fear our once-torrid relationship with HBO fuckumentary
Tell Me You Love Me has gotten a little stale; where we once eagerly tuned in to freeze-frame each possible stunt-cock scene for evidence of the Truth or to uncover acts of penetration that were supposed to be obscured by a cinematographer's carefully cast shadows, there's no longer any joy in our Zapruderesque examination of the sex-riddles we're offered each week. Things have gotten so bad, in fact, that following last Sunday's episode, we couldn't even be bothered to wonder whether Ian Somerhalder's actual scrotum made a cameo, or if a contractual no-balls rider necessitated the use of a nuts-double. Maybe we'll bring it up with our surprisingly foxy, sexagenarian therapist in this week's session. Anyway, there's footage of the scene at the link following this item, for those whose workplaces allow the viewing of graphic depictions of attractive people screwing. [
Fleshbot]
hollywood partywatch
It's been a busy week for Defamer PartyWatcher Ann: Having barely recovered from Saturday night's Guitar Hero III launch festivities in which she got a little carried away and set her controller ablaze in a Hendrix-channeling moment, she managed to pull it together in time to check out Monday night's celebrations in honor of the 100th episode of Family Guy. Accompanied by photographer Maggie Serrano, the two were warmly welcomed by the various Seths in attendance. Her report, and another one of those fun photo galleries, follow after the jump.
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bulges
Regardless of what your Halloween plans might entail, chances are pretty good that you'll eventually come face to face with the compressed, Lycra-silhouetted junk of at least one dude dressed as a superhero. Pretty on the Outside decided to grade some of the shrink-wrapped celebrity shlong on display this haunting season, giving head-of-the-class marks to Brody "The Hills" Jenner's shapely, right-bending manhood.
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Following a Savannah Film Festival event at which Brett Ratner was named
Rush Hour Sequel Director of the Year by the fest's blue-ribbon panel, the flattered fauxteur decided to take the students in attendance out for a crash course on the only aspect of the cinematic arts he's truly mastered: the part where one hands over all of his footage to an editor, tells him, "Make a movie out of this, would ya, bro?," then embarks on a celebratory search for a titty bar: "Ratner wasn't finished answering the students' questions when the party ended, and led at least a dozen on a pub crawl which involved a caravan of cabs crossing the bridge to South Carolina in search of a topless bar open in the wee hours of Monday morning. It was a valiant, misguided quest, but the students won't soon forget their seminar with Ratner." [
P6]
hollywood strikewatch
With not much else left to do but wait for news on the upshot of today's final bargaining session before the strike-enabling midnight expiration of the WGA's contract with the studios, at least one of the concerned Companies has decided that it's time to give its employees some easy-to-follow tips on what to do if they find themselves surrounded by a
phalanx of red-shirted picketers when they arrive at work over the next few days. Thankfully, Warner Bros. heads Barry Meyer and Alan Horn urge—at least for now—a patient and nonconfrontational approach to dealing with potential strikers, realizing that the unwanted interference of their civilian workers could undermine their security personnel's attempts to disburse any traffic-impeding Guild protestors with the trusty combination of fire-hose-soakings, rubber bullet strafings, and tear gas clouds that effectively disburse even the most resolute of union members. A pair of WB memos detailing their strike instructions follow:
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rulings
The Lane Garrison legal saga found a measure of closure today, a judge having decided that 40 months in jail was a suitable sentence for the Prison Break actor's cokey-boozy bender that ended in the death of Beverly Hills High School student Vahagn Setian. From the AP report:
"The public has the right to know that conduct such as this, causing devastation such as this" will have consequences, Superior Court Judge Elden S. Fox said.
"Unfortunately, in this case, you have to be the messenger," he told Garrison.
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happy defamerween
We always eagerly anticipate Franklin Avenue's coverage of the annual pumpkin carve-off that pits the various media-related tenants of the Wilshire Courtyard office park (E!, The Weinstein Company, Variety, The Family Guy production headquarters, etc) in a thrilling exhibition of their impressive gourd-sculpting skills, an event that more often than not ends in a regrettable knife-fight in the companies' shared courtyard over perceived voting irregularities.
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Trade Roundup
· In other strike-related news, post-production houses prepare for the hit they'd take during a work stoppage, while indie film companies could see "the labor mess as a potential silver lining." [
Variety,
Variety]
·
IggyGate provided
The Ellen DeGeneres Show with a nice ratings boost, leading producers to plan a monthly stunt in which Ellen generously gives away one of her recently rescued pets to a young audience member, only to suffer an emotional breakdown as the gift is immediately ripped from the arms of the bawling child by adoption agency shock troops. [
THR]
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promising imports
Today's Variety offers a cornucopia of eye-popping advertisements meant to catch the attention of American Film Market buyers looking to find a B-lister-starring, low-budget diamond in the rough (David Boreanaz in Ghost Writer! Patrick Swayze's Jump! Treasure Raiders, with David Carradine! ) they can polish up for audiences hungry for any entertainment product featuring a semi-recognizable Hollywood name.
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Perhaps still giddy from the raves earned by
his recent tour de force journey through Tracy Morgan's troubled childhood,
30 Rock star Alec Baldwin stands upon his HuffPo soapbox to pledge his solidarity with the WGA's cause: "The not-so-secret truth is that everyone in show business, of those who live 'above-the-line,' are overpaid. The only ones above-the-line who usually are not are the writers. Let's hope there is no strike and let's hope the writers get a good contract." [
HuffPo]
Collectibles
It wasn't just Kiefer Sutherland's merry, drunken joyride through life that came crashing to a halt when he was stopped for a parole-violating DUI last month—so too did the party end for the ranks of professional John Hancock-procurers depending on Kiefer's autograph to put food on the table for their little ones. Sutherland now refuses to sign for them, Page Six reports, since damning shots of the slosh-faced actor taken the night of his arrest made their way onto the internets:
Autograph collectors are reeling over the "24" star's decision to stop putting his signature on memorabilia in the wake of his Sept. 25 bust for DUI, when fans and paparazzi snapped footage of him stumbling after he was pulled over at 1 a.m. "He was one of the best autograph signers there was," collector Michael Wehrmann told Page Six.
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