Defamer

Mistrials And Tribulations

Lisping Rocks, Posh Nazi-Hunters, And Tumescent Hacks

· No, The Rock, don't eat those cookies your daughter baked for you! There's cinnamon in them, and you'll have a hilarious allergic reaction that makes you talk like Robin Williams doing his Deaf Guy impression!
· Posh makes the far tougher-looking Nazi-hunter, in our opinion.
· Two generations of Stillers offer updates on Owen Wilson's recovery.
· Ratner embonered by the hott, NC-17 sex in Ang Lee's Lust, Caution.
· Sun rises, sun sets, Ryan Adams melts down onstage.

Kiefer Charged

Your Weekend Of Seemingly Limitless Festival Choices

Friday
· Music round-up: Girl Talk at Echoplex; The National at the Wiltern; Low at the Troubadour; Rob Dickinson at the Hotel Café.
· Garrett Morris' Downtown Comedy Club hosts the semifinals of the first annual California Comedy Festival.
· The Swerve Festival begins its weekend-long celebration of "West Coast creative culture and its community inspired by art, film, music and action sports" with an opening night screening of surfing doc Surfwise at the Vista, followed up by some spinning by DJ Kiino Villand.

Did Michelle Rodriguez Fall Off The Parole-Adherence Wagon?

While repeat DUI-offender Michelle Rodriguez's employment woes have been temporarily staved off, having won a role in James Cameron's hotly anticipated Avatar, her legal troubles continue to come up on her like a Spam-and-cheese sandwich after one too many after-work Scorpion Bowls. At issue is an L.A. parole violation for her drunk driving arrest in Hawaii, for which she was sentenced to 60 days in jail, and which, in typical celebrity justice fashion, turned into 4 hours and 27 minutes of hard time, and 30 mandated days of community service. Now prosecutors are claiming she came up short, and lied about the days she claimed she did work:

Prosecutors in Los Angeles want the former "Lost" star's probation on several charges including hit and run and driving under the influence, revoked for allegedly failing to fulfill her community service obligations.

The Inventively Sewer-Mouthed Return Of Winnebago Man

A tipster suggested that we reprise our Friday Afternoon Nonsense Theater feature with the above compilation clip of Found Footage Festival superstar Jack "Winnebago Man" Rebney, and since we're all about empowering our readers to make our jobs easier on excruciatingly slow news days, we're happy to comply. In the previous installment, we were introduced to Rebney's Milchian flair for profanity; in the opening moments of today's edition, we see a swearing pioneer pushing boldly past the borders of the English language and into the previously unexplored potty-mouth frontier.

• Winnebago Man Rides Again [Buzznet]
• Previously: Friday Afternoon Nonsense Theater: Five Minutes With Winnebago Man [Defamer]

'John From Cincinnati' Fans Still Have Faith In Their Surfing Messiah's Resurrection

The "save John From Cincinnati ad" taken out in today's THR is probably a case of too little, too late as the quickly aborted surfing drama's sets have been struck, its cast scattered, and its creator already tasked with dreaming up a new world in which his characters can communicate in a language primarily comprised of expletives. But if we've learned anything from the Jericho's successful Nuts! campaign, it's that the only way that fans can have their voices heard is by annoying TV executives with non-stop deliveries to their places of business, hoping that the constant presence of handtruck-pushing men in brown shorts in their offices wears down their defenses.

Incarcerated Girls Gone Wild titty-flash magnate Joe Francis isn't afraid to get topical in spreading the word about MeetJoeFrancis.com, the handsomely designed internet presence he launched last week to keep the public up-to-date on his hopes, dreams, and fears while he continues his ongoing battle with a judicial system hell-bent on keeping him off the drunken-coed-clogged beaches of South Florida and Mexico.

Don Johnson Encounters Feta Cheese In Larchmont Village

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw the ghost of one of The Others studying documents in a deli.

In today's episode: Don Johnson; Topher Grace, Seth Gabel, Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan; Drew Barrymore and Justin Long; Seth MacFarlane, Steve Harwell, Reid Scott and Michael Bunin; Dominic Monaghan; Michael Ovitz; John Cho; Dita Von Teese; Adrian Grenier; Monica Keena and David Anders; Gregg Araki and James Duval; Dizzy Reed; William Mapother; Brandon Davis and Danny Bonaduce.

We Would Never Make Our Advertisers Slaughter Their Own Chickens

Take a moment to share in our appreciation of this week's sponsors, whom we'd never ship off to New Mexico ghost towns to learn how to pluck poultry or slave away in the mercantile to earn a handful of nickels. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and flourish under our loving guardianship, see this page

Special thanks to: Annie Lennox, Crown Publishing, Crunch, The Darjeeling Limited, Dexter, Dirty Sexy Money, Evian, Garnier, KT Tunstall, Mandalay Bay, The TV Set, VW

The WGA Vs. Temptation

In what must be the most trying and unheralded period of Britney Spears's career yet, any sort of achievement—even topping a UKTV Gold poll honoring the "most embarrassing dance sequence of all time"—must come as welcome news. Surely learning not even the mass cringing elicited by Elaine Benes's thumb-flinging pas de incontinence could approach that of her own VMAs performance should be enough to comfort Spears with the knowledge that 2007 wasn't a total wash.

• Britney's "crime against choreography" tops poll [today.reuters.com]

'Seinfeld' Gives Recycling Scammers Business Inspiration

In what is being referred to as the "Seinfeld Scam," thirteen free-thinking entrepreneurs have apparently taken some inspiration from a 1996 episode of the show in which Newman and a pre-racist Kramer head to Michigan laden with aluminum cans, hoping to exploit the state's generous 10-cent recycling rate for profit. Sure, the can-smugglers have technically committed fraud and cost Michigan millions of dollars, but they do deserve credit for at least borrowing a potentially lucrative plotline from the show; other, less-imaginative—but more law-abiding—fans are hardly getting rich from their Seinfeld-derived businesses and snapping up seven-figure mansions.

• 13 Arrested In Seinfeld-Type Scam [Liveleak via Breitbart]

Pushy Junket Reporter Ropes Adam Sandler Into The Gay Cause

Mexican audiences will be able to find out what all the bear-on-bear fireman fuss was about, as Los declaro marido y ... Larry—aka I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry—is finally getting a release there. (It rolled into Spain a few weeks ago, with the far catchier title Os Declaro Marido Y Marido, and an accompanying feeder-fetish website that hearkens to other classics of the genre.) In Mexico City to promote the opening, Adam Sandler appears to have fallen for the oldest wire reporter trick in the book—answering "Sure, why not?" to a seemingly innocuous but strategically phrased question, then waking up to headlines outlining your passionate commitment to fighting for gay rights:

Adam Sandler says he would like to work alongside gay-rights groups after starring in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry."