Defamer

Taunting Pinkberry

· By the time you get to the end of this video, the man with the microphone will already be dead, with Oreo crumbs and a curiously yogurt-like substance found near his lifeless body the only clues as to who did him in.
· Every wonder how Brandon and Dylan's 90210 sideburns influenced 9/11 jihad fashion? Radar explains.
· NBC's Jeff Zucker is so in love with his new rock star that he can barely find the words to express his ardor: "Ben [Silverman] brings great enthusiasm, optimism and energy, so it's always exciting to have Ben around because his enthusiasm and excitement is boundless."·
· Thighs Wide Shot celebrates The Lost Boys' 20th anniversary. (Damn, that makes us feel old.)

It's Shark Week!

• Access Hollywood

Steven Seagal: The Boy Who Lived

The Mystery Of The Hollywood Hot Tubs Solved!

M.I.A., Tight Sweaters, Ahmet

You're Just One Shady Craigslist Ad Away From Realizing All Of Your Hollywood Dreams

The Triumphant Return Of Kiefer Sutherland (to LAX)

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. (You have only yourselves to blame if they seem a little light or less than chockful of A-listers sometimes.) Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and share your amateur analysis of Tori Spelling's psychological state based on some observation while shopping.

In today's episode: Kiefer Sutherland and Shannon Tweed; Will Smith and Jada Pinkett; Cameron Diaz and Mary Lynn Rajskub; Britney Spears; Jeff Goldblum; Zachary Quinto; Paula Abdul; Dominic Monaghan; Jason Schwartzman; Josh Schwarz; Kirstie Alley, Paul Stanley, and Tori Spelling; Joey Lawrence; Andrew Dice Clay.

God Thinks Christina Aguilera Is A Ho

We had sensibly assumed the respiratory infection that struck down Christina Aguilera — forcing her to cancel her Australian concert dates — came from screeching those high notes prior to a parade of all-night, stress-relieving tour-bus orgies. But apparently we've been short-sighted, forgetting God's distaste for Louboutins, blondes, and wanton displays of sexuality the likes of which would make Satan pump his claws in triumph. Says the Baptists For Brownback blog:

[T]hanks to the majesty and power of God, the blaring megaphone of Chrisina [sic] Aguilera's sexual terrorism has been muffled.

The Defamer Job Board: Upgrade Your Quality Of Life From 'Sucks' To 'Better Than Bearable'

Var's Lady Lists

· Var issues its tribute to Hollywood ladypower, the Women's Impact Report, as well as its Hazardous Impact Report, an inventory of the tabloid-attracting trainwrecks who seek to sabotage the work of the Stacey Sniders, Nancy Tellems, and Laura Ziskins of the world. [Variety, Variety]
· Has there ever been a worse time to be a TV viewer? CBS and Fox split the ratings race last night behind a Two and Half Men repeat and a new episode of Hell's Kitchen. [THR]
·"U[niversal] brass felt Vaughn was money and he didn't even know it." [Variety]
· Wondering what Blair Underwood's been up to? Knock yourselves out. [THR]
· Hollywood StrikeWatch, Stockpiling Edition: A report from permitting agency Film LA to be released today reveals that local TV and feature production has risen at a rate unseen since the eve of a feared 2001 strike, a figure suggesting that the studios are indeed squirreling away all the product they can in preparation for a possible work stoppage next year. Meanwhile, WGA members are making their own preparations by fighting over pallets of canned corn in the aisles of Costco. [Variety]

Star Jones Finally Admits That Her Stomach Is Not Naturally The Size Of A Walnut

From the "no shit, Sherlock" department, Star Jones Reynolds is finally confessing what anyone with half an eye and a brain cell already knew: that her 160-lb. weight loss was due to gastric bypass surgery. After spending years denying that she went that route, in an upcoming Glamour column Star seems to gloss over the magnitude of that whole messy lying in favor of playing the insecurity card:

Why the delay in speaking up? "First, I didn't know if the surgery would work," she writes in the first-person essay. "I had spent my entire adult life telling everyone that I was fine with the way I looked. I never thought I'd have to explain it.

"But the complete truth is, I was scared of what people might think of me."

The Mystery Of Social Hollywood's Hot Tub Delivery

Bravo To Introduce Yet Another 'Successful Crazy Person' Reality Show Tonight

Continuing its proud tradition of reality programming centered around larger-than-sane-life characters whose low-grade mental illness enhances their professional success (see Blowout's narcissistic personality disorder sufferer Jonathan Antin and Hey Paula's apparent dissociative identity victim), Bravo tonight unleashes Flipping Out and its house-renovating, compulsively abusive protagonist on the world. Notes the NY Times:

Jeff Lewis is a very scary man, and he isn't scary solely because he treats his employees like dust mites or consults a psychic to assist him in the running of his business or sends his cat, Monkey, to an acupuncturist. No, Jeff Lewis, a Los Angeles real estate speculator, evokes a chill because he is so leveraged, a man balancing multiple mortgages like bricks on a noodle.

How To Make Shit Up Like Jenna Jameson

Apparently, merely yearning for the sight of Scarlett Johansson lovingly devouring pounds of sweaty ladyflesh does not make it so. Johansson's reps are swiftly, stiffly nipping in the bud all rumors that she will step into porn star Jenna Jameson's edible panties:

While Jameson has gushed for months that the A-list beauty-cum-Woody Allen muse would be the perfect choice to headline her lurid tale of sex, drugs and award-winning girl-on-girl action [...] Johansson denies any and all involvement in the sure-to-be skin-heavy flick.

Putting Pigeons On The Pill

• Good Morning America