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The Complete Guide To The Series Finale Of 'Studio 60'

You may not have realized it, but at just a couple of minutes before 11 p.m. last night, the final credits rolled on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, ending Aaron Sorkin's bold, ill-fated experiment in melding the light-hearted Hollywood world of late-night sketch comedy shows with the absurdly high geopolitical stakes of his Emmy-winning White House drama, The West Wing. And while a lesser showrunner recently chose to cloak the last moments of his beloved series in frustrating ambiguity, Sorkin was confident enough in his creative choices to allow a metaphorical Man in the Members Only Jacket to wander the halls of the darkened studio, bringing each storyline to a satisfying conclusion with a bullet to the back of every character's head. Because we suspect that many of you missed the series finale, we're happy to run down how each of your favorite players finished up his or her primetime existence. [Warning to the DVR users whose selfish insistence on time-shifting the show kept it from reaching its Nielsen potential: There are spoilers ahead.]

Your Weekend Of Technobots And 'Sunshine'

Exclusive First Assistant Report From The Beverly Center Line!

Phalanxes of assistants willing to kill or die for the satiation of their employer's iPhone lust have already marched on our city's Apple stores, hoping that a triumphant return to the office with the shiny treasure will earn them a slightly less intense late-afternoon lashing. A Defamer operative posted at the Beverly Center has just submitted our first report from the battlefront, offering us the vicarious thrill of a glimpse into the shadowy and dangerous world of industry line-waiters:

We've entered the mall, just steps away from technological bliss and peer envy. We hold our golden tickets close to our bodies, fearful of falling asleep and being robbed.

Britney Spears Latest To Expose Hollywood's Shameful Fauxhab Secret

Bed Bath & Beyond Hosts A Swank-Lowe Reunion

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Ryan Atwood quietly plotting his next career move at a Venice eatery.

In today's episode: Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe; Jack Black; Colin Farrell; Dustin Hoffman; Michael Bay, Seth Green, Joshua Jackson, Lance Bass, Efren Ramirez, Josh Henderson, and Ben Lyons; Jennifer Jason Leigh and Noah Baumbach; Tom Freston; Cybill Shepherd; Wentworth Miller and Tia Carrere; Adam Brody; Benjamin McKenzie; Jonah Hill; Wayne Newton; Peter Cambor; Sanjaya Malakar and Phil Stacey.

Our Enthusiasm For Elective Plastic Surgery May Be Getting Out Of Hand

Hugging Our Sponsors On Their First Day Of Freedom

Join us once again in our weekly public display of affection for our advertisers, any of whom we'd show up to greet upon their highly publicized exits from prison, even if we'd have to curtail our vacations to be there. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and see our loyalty in action, see this page.

Thanks to: American Apparel, Canon, Evian, Hans Klok, Herbal Color, Live from Abbey Road, MSN Live Earth, Mandalay Bay, Nokia, Sprint

Rat Vs. Willis

· After a summerlong run of sequel-clogged weekends where the eventual winner of the box office battle was all too obvious, the outcome of the upcoming Die Hard vs. Ratatouille fight seems up for grabs. We're not betting against Pixar, even though we'll probably wind up watching John McClane blow shit up. [Variety]
· Oh yeah Die Hard made $9.1 million on Wednesday, its first official day of release. Is that a lot? We're not good with midweek box office record data. [THR]
· Universal signs up erstwhile Biggest Comedy Star In the World Jim Carrey for Sober Buddies, one of those magical projects with a title so concise that we don't have to waste any time explaining it. (OK, OK, Carrey is a Sober Buddy who falls off the wagon while helping an alcoholic pal on a business trip in Vegas. Hilarity ensues, etc etc.) [Variety]
· 3.2 million viewers tuned in to CNN to for Larry King's post-jail interview with Paris Hilton. While this was King's highest rated show since 2005, consider that three times more people watched So You Think You Can Dance on Wednesday night if you'd like to feel a little better about the public's TV-watching taste levels. [THR]
· We would never ask you to start thinking about the Oscars in late June. That's just sick, really. [Variety]

Britney Spears Serves Her Mother Trailerside With Scary Lawyer Letter

The trades are so often clogged with full-page, talent-fellating ads purchased by producers, agencies, or studios hoping that an insincere expression of their devotion will strengthen their mercenary bond that's it's a refreshing change of pace to see an actor thanking those who are nurturing his fledgling career. Those flipping over today's copy of Variety will discover the above message of heartfelt gratitude on the back cover, a gracious display sure to help one up-and-coming performer chase his crazy dream of traveling all over Eastern Europe alongside one of cinema's biggest movie stars, shooting the best straight-to-video action spectacles favorable Romanian tax codes will allow.

[Image: Digital Variety]

• Sonny Gibson [IMDb]
• Marker [IMDb]

iPhone To Force Hollywood Trendwhores To Adopt Two-Phone System

'Access Hollywood' Exposes The Truth About Paris Hilton And Drugs