Defamer

Short Ends

Short Ends: The Fonz, Sexual Abuse Prevention Spokesgreaser


· Please take a few minutes to allow a tag team of the Fonz and Henry Winkler (how'd they do that?) educate you about sexual abuse. You might think you're too old to benefit, but if nothing else, maybe your inner child will be saved from a scarring encounter with your inner handsy uncle. [via Fast Hugs]
· Jake Gyllenhaal's personal secrets to becoming famous, revealed!
· Please, we beg of you, don't view this video of the Clippers' Shaun Livingston injuring his knee. Trust us, don't watch it. Just don't. We're not kidding. Go watch some moose ball instead.
· The Big Pussy jokes really do write themselves.
· Suri Cruise is not only real, but really cute! Also, it took Tom's genetic engineers about forty tries before they produced a clone that could do that adorable pointing thing with the left index finger.

6:48 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
3,761 views, 10 comments

Latest by Miss d: aaagh! more »

borat

'Borat' DVD Packaging Completes The D.I.Y. Kazakh Filmmaking Illusion


For the millions of you patiently awaiting the DVD release of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan, either in anticipation of adding the film to your home video library, or merely to see if your slavery-endorsing and/or urinal-peek-a-boo scene might have by some miracle been excised from the final version despite a judge having ruled otherwise, March 6 will be the magic date to circle upon your calendars. The matter of how much, meanwhile, is looking to be a very nice suggested retail price of $19.95. Slashfilm.com has seen an advance copy, which is purposely designed to look as though you may have bartered for it from a toothless Kazakh street urchin for a bottle of goat urine: "[There's] not a word of English on the packaging...[It looks] color-copied...complete with off color tones, slightly blurred company logos, blurry text and moire pattern/lithographic scans." Whether the "HILARIOUS DeeVeeDee EXTRAS" touted on Borat's official website will maintain the illusion remains to be seen, though we're indifferent as to whether or not Ken Davitian's commentary track comes from him or in character as producer Azamat Bagatov—as long as we get some kind of insight into just how stimulating Sacha Baron Cohen's proboscis felt when he lowered his feculent taint upon it. More »

6:43 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Seth
3,296 views, 4 comments

Latest by Miss d: :( The Australian edition is very normal and 'english' looking... more »

hilton-dui2.jpg Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton's Violated Probation Inadvertently Sets The Stage For 'The Simple Life 6: Lockdown'

When Paris Hilton threw herself on the mercy of the court back in January, Lady Justice looked sympathetically upon the wayward heiress' DUI ways, sentencing the preeminent area flashbulb-whore to 36 months of probation, reducible to 24 with optional community service. Sadly, Hilton's recidivist nature would prevent her from resisting the Call of the Strip, as she was stopped speeding on Sunset around 11 p.m. last night, with her headlights off and in possession of a suspended licence. The probation violation could result in the "Stars Are Blind" singer's next impromptu table-top performance occuring at a medium-security correctional facility dining hall near you: More »

4:48 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Seth
8,192 views, 13 comments

Latest by The Fabulous Thelma Todd: She's taken over the planet and there is no hope.. Now even the hip world of home sewing has it's more »

To Do

To Do: Ima Robot, Mamet, Mean

· Music round-up: French Kicks at the Troubadour; Kate Earl at the Hotel Café; Ima Robot at Social Hollywood.
· The Borders in Westwood provides you with your latest opportunity to ask David Mamet to sign your copy of his latest book, Bambi vs. Godzilla; On the Nature, Purpose, and Practice of the Movie Business, with "What's my name? Fuck you, that's my name!"
· We'll leave it up to your own resourcefulness to figure out how to get in, but Mean magazine is apparently throwing a party at Les Deux to preview its new issue with Very Special Sober DJ Lindsay Lohan on the turntables. Good luck.

4:11 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
569 views, 1 comment

Latest by nick_r: Is DJ Steve Aoki Lindsay's Sober Companion? That's quite a cover those people have to keep up. more »

beyonce-hepwatch.jpg hepwatch

Hollywood Hepatitis ScareWatch: Crash Oscar Diet May Have Saved Beyoncé's Life


While TMZ's valiant efforts to reveal the list of industry parties possibly tainted by Wolfgang Puck's hepatitis-infected pre cook have so far been stymied by the combination of a tight-lipped Health Department and the shadowy Hollywood Event-Catering Industrial Complex, their TV-based corporate siblings at Extra have managed to advance this important work: According to a press release, they've received confirmation from a publicist that Beyoncé passed on all the tempting—but possibly dangerous!—trays of hors d'oeuvres waved under her nose at Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue bash at the Pacific Design Center on February 14th, the Party Zero of the ongoing hep-A pandemic that's terrorizing the city. She's safe! There's still no update on the status of Visual Effects Society awards banquet attendees George Lucas and John Landis, but TMZ's earlier story about the at-risk directors seems to have disappeared; hopefully, the site's warnings about the scare reached them before its deletion and they've taken the necessary medical precautions. More »

3:15 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
4,983 views, 4 comments

Latest by Miss d: Good God - I wouldn't eat anything remotely connected to Wolfgang Puck either... And speaking from experience of working in commercial kitchens more »

John Travolta

Wherein Ellen Degeneres And A Leather-Clad John Travolta Ruin 'It Takes Two' For Us For All Time


Thank God that John Travolta was on Ellen to let the world know what his upcoming Wild Hogs is really about; without the admirable honesty of this promotional appearance, potential ticket-buyers might have been fooled by conservative Disney's ad campaign marketing the film as just another slapsticky, City Slickers rip-off breeder-bonding comedy, but now they know that it's actually the story of four leather daddies' musical romp through the country's wildest S&M bars. More »

1:30 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
8,784 views, 18 comments

Latest by deusdiabolus: it's actually the story of four leather daddies' musical romp through the country's wildest S&M bars. Now, I'd pay to see more »

Oscars

Oscar Sound Mixer Smackdown II: Team 'Apocalypto' Responds

If going back and reviewing the press room video of Dreamgirls' Best Sound Mixing Oscar sore-winner Michael Minkler's shocking backstage sneak attack on record-setting, 19-time also-ran Kevin O'Connell fails to convince you that the whole thing wasn't actually some kind of straight-faced joke between below-the-line frenemies (as we were secretly hoping it was, because that was some cold shit), the angry and frustrated response that O'Connell's Apocalypto partner Greg P. Russell gave to InContention.com should remove all doubts about Minkler's intentions when he said that his colleague was an "OK mixer" who should "take up another line of work." Prepare for things to get even uglier: More »

12:39 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
10,959 views, 12 comments

Latest by Little Mintz Sunshine: @Mooninite: ...and speaking of Defamer t-shirts... I am giddy with anticipation as I look forward to the first time I can more »

fifth-grader.jpg Trade Roundup

Trade Round-Up: 26 Million Americans Officially Dumber Than A Fifth Grader

· But how did yesterday's 416 point stock market bed-shitting affect the faceless multimedia corporations behind your favorite entertainment products, you ask? Disney was hit the hardest with a 6% fall, followed by Time Warner at 4%, and 2-4% drops by News Corp., CBS, Viacom, and Sony. [Variety]
· Kelsey Grammer's Grammnet Productions throws away a 15-year relationship with Paramount for a one-year fling with 20th Century Fox TV's younger, hotter piece of studio ass. [THR]
· Fox's Fifth Graders Humiliating Morons draws a depressingly huge 26.6 million viewers in its American Idol-boosted premiere. Realizing that the series' initial numbers might be a little inflated by its lead-in, the network hopes to continue to hold that audience's interest by adding an element to Fifth Grader in which the show's precocious ten-year-olds kick its contestants in the genitals after each incorrect answer. [Variety]
· Oscar winner Alan Arkin will join Little Miss Sunshine co-star Steve Carell underneath the Cone of Silence in Warner Bros. Get Smart movie adaptation. [THR]
· Robert Downey Jr. signs on to play "Kirk Lazarus, the greatest actor of his generation and a four-time Oscar winner" in Ben Stiller's Tropic Thunder, but there's no mention if that's the role that Tom Cruise was reportedly hoping to land to extend his buddy time with Stiller past Hardy Boys. We'd hate for Downey to get blacklisted at Cruise's United Artists for stealing a role away from the new mogul. [THR]

12:05 PM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
1,588 views, 10 comments

Latest by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: Me, too, Jordo! more »

enquirer-smith.jpg Anna Nicole Smith

'National Enquirer' First To Hit 'Official Cause Of Anna Nicole's Death' Buzzer

In a National! Enquirer! Exclusive!, the pioneering periodical, which long ago perfected the winning tabloid formula of sketchily sourced celebrity exposés interspersed with white trash recipes, reports that the autopsy performed on Anna Nicole Smith revealed the cause of her death to be pneumonia. Drugs played a part only so much as the prescription meds she was washing down with contraband SlimFast shakes were masking the illness's potentially fatal symptoms: More »

11:57 AM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Seth
13,289 views, 3 comments

Latest by Miss d: She shouldn't have snorted that Methadone... more »

Kevin Federline

Kevin Federline Finishes Deadbeat Dad-Hab Program Well Ahead Of Schedule

In landing Us Weekly's cover to tell His Side of the Why Britney Spears Went Batshit Insane, Shaved Her Head, Entered Rehab, Escaped Rehab, And Ultimately Bought Out An Entire Wing At Promises Story, Kevin Federline's improbable journey from Superbowl ad punchline to Deadbeat Dad & Estranged Househusband Quarterly's Comeback of the Year recipient is nearly complete. Soon, the entire world will know all the gripping details of Federline's "transformation into Super Dad," a total image rehabilitation marked by crippling crying jags over his better-monied soulmate's troubles, depressive episodes that subside only upon his realization that his emergency custody of Sean Preston and the other one might prove highly lucrative if "sources close to him" keep feeding magazines stories about how he's selflessly resisted the temptation to drop off the rugrats at Promises' Sober Day Care program so that he can focus on his promising music and acting careers. More »

10:55 AM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
3,278 views, 5 comments

Latest by Miss d: I predict that SP & bro are going to end up best friends with the Beck trogs. Hmmm - a room more »

kate-walsh-spinoff - Defamer Abc

'Grey's Anatomy' Spinoff Ensures TV's Most Disgruntled Cast Stays That Way

No sooner had some semblance of normalcy finally returned to the Grey's Anatomy set, with a fully rehabilitated Isaiah Washington using his newly acquired anger-management tools to temper his castigations of line-flubbing co-star T.R. Knight with the far less incendiary, "Nice job, ffffforgetful!" comes news of further dissension among the horny-physician ranks. The recent announcement by ABC of a possible spinoff for Kate Walsh's character, Dr. Addison Montgomery-Shepherd (aka Dr. Ex-Mrs. Dr. McDreamy) has, notes Star magazine, received a chilly reception from the rest of the cast: More »

10:40 AM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Seth
14,689 views, 15 comments

Latest by Scout: "disgruntled"?? How much do these folks earn in a week?? $50,000? $100,000? Way more than most people earn more »

Oscars

The Academy Orders Erasure Of YouTube's Oscar Memories


Var reports that the Academy has officially demanded the immediate removal of all unauthorized clips from Sunday night's Oscars telecast from the YouTubes, dealing a severe blow to modern-dance fans wishing to experience Pilobolus' kinetic, silhouetted interpretations of popular films over and over again. The purge has already claimed the racy footage of Clint Eastwood's wife's now-infamous crotch-swipe, and we suspect it won't be long before the joint YouTube/AMPAS copyright task force removes the historical record of our new favorite Oscar moment: when triumphant Best Foreign Language Film director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck taunts vanquished frontrunner Guillermo del Toro by wiping his hindquarters upon the back of the Pan's Labyrinth also-ran's head. More »

9:18 AM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
1,340 views, 7 comments

Latest by Miss d: I'm a recovering Oscars watcher... And the last ceremony fixed me of my addiction...thanks Ellen, I now offically hate anything to more »

puck-lucas-landis.jpg Wolfgang Puck

Hollywood Hepatitis ScareWatch: A-List Directors At Risk!


Hollywood event-catering watchdog group TMZ.com is all over the Wolfgang Puck Hepatitis A scare story like yellow on the jaundice-afflicted eyeball of a party guest who unknowingly gobbled down a tainted tuna roll, pledging that they will reveal the list of all 13 Puck-catered events reportedly worked by his infected employee (luckily, not the Governor's Ball at the Oscars) in a selfless quest to inform all potential victims of their possible exposure to the disease. More »

8:28 AM on Wed Feb 28 2007
By Mark
4,331 views, 3 comments

Latest by April Winchell: If George Lucas didn't have that beard, I'd have no idea where his face ended. more »

puck-hepA.jpg Short Ends

Short Ends: Wolfgang Puck Hep Scare!


· Yes, there's a hepatitis A scare related to a Wolfgang Puck event, but it's for the Sports illustrated swimsuit issue party at the Pacific Design Center back on February 14th, not the Puck-catered Governor's Ball following the Oscars. Any Academy member experiencing the symptoms of jaundice, fatigue, fever, abdominal pain, vomiting, or diarrhea since Sunday night probably should just place an angry call to their coke dealer about the poor quality of their celebratory Oscar eightball rather than waste the time of public health officials trying to provide immune globulin shots to the potentially infected.
· Gary Sinise as Bones? Yeah, that kind of makes sense to us. He can probably pull off the "Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a [name of occupation for which the physician is not qualified]" lines with no problem.
· 12-year-olds are always at their most adorable while getting a lapdance.
· Even back in 1970, people still sounded ridiculous trying to take the Oscars seriously.
· Want to fill up with righteous indignation about Children of Men's total Oscar fuckage once again? Go watch this.

6:24 PM on Tue Feb 27 2007
By Mark
4,185 views, 10 comments

Latest by Miss d: @Melsicle: Right On! And the scary thing is - if people outside the hospitality industry knew what went on in more »

abigail-breslin-HP.jpg Oscars

Why Any Viagra, Metamucil, Or Abigail Breslin You May Have Spotted During The Oscars Wasn't In A Commercial

For those of you held captive by Sunday evening's Oscars telecast—either by having some financial stake in the proceedings or by simply feeling the inexplicable call to duty to weather every snore-inducing montage ("Here's one for America! Here's one for not-America! Here's one for NAFTA!") the ceremony had to offer—the commercials offered some creative respite. Sure, a 30-second close-up of a Marie Callender chicken pot pie wasn't going to salvage your evening, but you never knew when Wes Anderson might stroll along to confound your expectations of what an AmEx commercial could be, or one of those iPhone "Hello" ads might pop-up, which, while not necessarily groundbreaking, at least remained refreshingly Justin Long-free. According to AdWeek, not just any company willing to shell out the record prices of $1.7 mil per 30-second spot are allowed to advertise on the Oscars; the Academy has some strict guidelines about what is considered appropriate material to immediately precede Ellen DeGeneres's "vacuuming and tossing of a joint into the orchestra" bit: More »

6:16 PM on Tue Feb 27 2007
By Seth
4,092 views, 7 comments

Latest by el smrtmnky: @HeatherNumber1: totes. that would have saved us from sally kirkland's crazy ass dress. more »

cruz-oscars.jpg Penelope Cruz

Oscar-Nominated Celebrities: They Order In-N-Out While Protected By A Security Detail, Just Like Us!

We are disappointed anew by each firsthand report we receive from readers recounting their run-ins with celebrities they've caught performing the life-perpetuating acts of eating, drinking, or excreting, as we prefer to stubbornly maintain our belief that the Creator frees the famous from these messy, mortal routines, allowing them to be preserved in the pristine state of the exact moment in which He first chose them for eternal greatness. Imagine, then, the letdown we experienced upon reading about how one of this year's Oscar nominees carelessly allowed herself to be seen sullying her physical vessel on the one night that should be dedicated to upholding our possibly delusional ideas about her perfection: More »

4:44 PM on Tue Feb 27 2007
By Mark
12,227 views, 9 comments

Latest by guineamic75: As someone who works on these shows, I can tell you how f'ing hungry they are. From virile red more »

Tyra Banks

Santa Monica Bans 'Top Model' Bus Ads Over Concerns It May Send Wrong Message To Its Population Of Aspiring Starlets

You may have noticed city bus ads rolling around town touting the latest season of America's Next Top Model. On it, host Tyra Banks poses dramatically by a waterfall, surrounded by the latest batch of aspiring models/ catfight - experts/ bi-curious lust-objects vying for the ANTM crown. (The photo is rendered all the more impressive when you consider that just out of camera range were approximately two dozen hungry alligators and a school of piranha hungrily snapping at the models' feet, as Mr. Jay shouted, "I don't care how many toes you have left! Look sexier!") The residents of Santa Monica, however, were none too pleased by the traveling hoochie-show on display: More »

4:40 PM on Tue Feb 27 2007
By Seth
4,308 views, 12 comments

Latest by Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq.: @Miss Anne Thrope: Those aren't even her calves, darlin! h, I'm so mean. If Tyra loves the ribs, she loves the more »

simmons-mystery.jpg To Do

To Do: Foreign Born, Golden Road, Richard Simmons

· Music round-up: Money Mark at Amoeba; Rockstar Supernova at the Long Beach Arena; The "Let's Independent" indie music night at Boardner's has Foreign Born, Hector, and Molecules.
· Caille Millner signs coming-of-age memoir The Golden Road: Notes on My Gentrification at Vroman's.
· The Comedy Central Stage at the Hudson hosts The Richard Simmons Mysteries, an improvised TV drama starring everyone's favorite overtanned, short-shorted, clean-shaven exercise enthusiast sleuthing it up for a live, Deal-a-Meal-craving audience.

3:39 PM on Tue Feb 27 2007
By Mark
672 views, Comment

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