Defamer

mankas.jpg Week in Review

The Clip Show: Everyone Relax--Jake Gyllenhaal Is Fine

· The Gyllenhaals' fiery wake-up call puts a damper on Christmas, but everyone's OK.
· Arnold Schwarzenegger breaks his leg, standing.
· Brad and Ang, and other tales of celebrity good deed.
· The Godfather's gone, but not forgotten.
· Dakota Fanning feigns rape like a pro.
· Ryan loves his ball. More »

1:01 PM on Fri Dec 29 2006
By Seth
94 views, Comment

Bryan Singer

Short Ends: It's Like There's A Party In Mike Tyson's Mouth, And Everyone's Invited!

· Last celeb DUI of the year: Mike Tyson takes the current trend of mug shot flippancy to its logical conclusion. Either that, or he was so coked out, he was chewing on his own tongue.
· Oh come off it, Ryan Seacrest. We know who you really want to kiss.
· TVGasm's J-Unit weighs the pros and cons of your two stay-at-home New Year's Eve options.
· Julia Roberts is pregnant. Thank God—we were concerned her twins would grow up as only children.
· Bryan Singer is nothing if not a hands-on director.
· You don't want to scare Tyrone.
· Sometimes, it's difficult to see the obvious signs that your relationship isn't working out. This short film might help.

12:49 PM on Fri Dec 29 2006
By Seth
240 views, Comment

newyears-maximus.jpg To Do

To Do: Your Weekend Of New Year's Eve

Friday
· Friday night music: The Oohlahs play the Echo, Blackalicious are at the El Rey.
· For those who just can't shake the Christmas spirit, Rudolph the Red-Hosed Reindeer gives the old TV classic the Real Live Brady Bunch-style camp treatment. At the Elephant Theater.
Saturday
· Blondie (yes, Blondie!) play the Canyon Club in Agoura Hills.
· King of Sleaze Mario Diaz's ongoing homo-and-friends dance party Hot Dog at Club 7969 provides all the condiments: You provide the meat.
Sunday
· Dutton's Beverly Hills is being threatened with closure by the city. Go show your support for this island of literacy smack dab in the middle of big agencyville from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., where champagne will be provided.
Your New Year's Eve options:
· USC's Galen Center hosts The Flaming Lips, Gnarls Barkley, and Cat Power.
· The Little Radio Warehouse party features live performances by Autolux, Dead Meadow, and Bloodcat Love.
· Gridlock NYE on the Paramount lot features The Killers and your host, Carmen Electra. No CBS staffers without wristbands!
· Manny Lehman spins the gay circuit thing at the Hollywood Palladium. Rock out with your cock out, fellas.
· Serious house music lovers might want to check out Together As One 2007 at the Los Angeles Sports Arena, where Paul van Dyk, Deep Dish, Marco V and Danny Howell will be spinning, among others.
· Giant Maximus promises to deliver on its XXL name, with three tents downtown, featuring a six-hour set from Sasha & John Digweed, a three-hour DVDJ set from Sander Kleinenberg, and another three-hour set by Armin Van Buuren. Enjoy melting your brain into the new year, folks. More »

12:13 PM on Fri Dec 29 2006
By Seth
128 views, 3 comments

Latest by TedSez: Of course, I'll be spending the evening at the Madrid Theater in Canoga Park, where "Kevin Hogan and Fantastic Diamond more »

borat-friend.jpg Week in Review

Defamer's Year In Review, Part 4: Borat Has A Moment

Ah, the 90 degree weather and glorious autumnal foliage—still green, still on the trees. Yes, it must be fall in L.A. Let's continue on our skip down 2006 memory lane, shall we?
September
· The world meets Suri—a shaggy, kind of Asian looking baby.
· Tom Freston gets the boot.
· The Barney Greengrass brawl was one for the ages.
· Rosie's first day at The View.
· Anna Nicole Smith's nightmare begins.
· We can't decide if Sean Penn is a Player's or DuMaurier man.
· Studio 60 is pretty bad, but Defaker is way worse.
· Jim Carrey jumps to CAA.
· Banksymania!!! (Totally overrated.)
· Steve-O's red carpet tinkle.
· Let's make this simple: Here's all the Studio 60 you can handle, in one convenient link.
· Ditto, Anna Nicole. More »

11:27 AM on Fri Dec 29 2006
By Seth
111 views, 1 comment

Latest by Her Royal Empress Dr. Bufflekins III, Esq.: Hey, I just found out that i'm in the 99th percentile for precognition (thanks to my online ESP test). Let more »

defamer-ads3.jpg Sponsors

We'd Like To Buy The World A Product From Defamer Advertisers

Let us savor these last moments of 2006—kind of a crappy year, but hey, it's over—by toasting its one endlessly renewable source of hope and high spirits: the goods and services of Defamer sponsors. We only wish we could drop them from a UN cargo plane onto those who need them most. If you'd like to join their ranks, everything you need to know is right here. More »

10:25 AM on Fri Dec 29 2006
By Seth
28 views, Comment

parade-troopers - Defamer Trade

Trade Round-Up: Approaching The Flower Planet Of Pasadena

· Monday's Rose Parade will feature George Lucas and hundreds of nerds fans dressed as Stormtroopers marching alongside a "Star Wars Spectacular" float "inspired by the landscape of the planet Naboo." Also: The Grambling State U. marching band from Louisiana dressed as Imperial officers, playing "Main Title," "Imperial March" and "The Throne Room," with a "New Orleans Twist." OK, now we kind of want to check this out. [Variety]
· A look at ten "sure thing" stories predicted for 2006 that never panned out, including "Pellicano scandal is Hollywood's Watergate," "Kevin Reilly is on his way out," and all those agency merger rumors that ultimately went nowhere. [Variety]
· It was the year of the midrange budget movies, from Borat to Jackass: Number Two. Look for many more wobbly Handicam movies featuring even more testicles and homoerotic pranksterism in 2007. [Variety]
· The networks are grappling over whether or not to air Saddam Hussein's execution, with Fox reportedly looking at compromising by running a reality special entitled, Saddam Hussein: If We Hanged Him, Here's How We Did It. [THR]
· "Paging Mr. Boll. Mr. Uwe. Boll. Could you please approach the critic-pummeling, hacky video-game-movie director counter?" Capcom partners with Hyde Park Entertainment for Street Fighter: The Movie. [THR]

10:16 AM on Fri Dec 29 2006
By Seth
62 views, 1 comment

Latest by schvitzatura: If only Triumph the Insult Comic Dog were announcing this TORP... more »

johnny-freddy - Defamer Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp Overheard Extolling Virtues Of Fat Bottomed Girls In Shower In Preparation For Film Role

Disney's $3.26 billion box office take is due in no small part to the talents of chameleonlike Actor of his Generation Johnny Depp—more specifically, his Captain Jack Sparrow, whom he claims is a riff on Keith Richards, but whose effete posturing, let's face it, heeds somewhat closer to Elton John after five too many Cointreautinis. Fitting, then, that the actor should now be in talks to play another gay British rock icon, Queen's handlebar-mustachioed lead singer, Freddie Mercury: More »

9:36 AM on Fri Dec 29 2006
By Seth
1,826 views, 5 comments

Latest by Romana Klay: I don't know who Freddie Mercury is but Johnny Depp can do no wrong! Pee Wee Herman is the only one more »

Short Ends

Short Ends: This Parrot Can Do Everything Jim Carrey Can Do, Minus The Moodiness And $20 Mil Paycheck


· A parrot imitating a bird isn't that impressive, we guess, but just wait until you hear "evil" and "the spaceship."
· Mariah Carey has actually gone through with her threats to legally attempt to stop porn star Mary Carey from trademarking her name, out of concern that she'll be mistaken for the star of Lesbian Big Boob Bangeroo 2.
· As the Fast Hugs blog continues to wax philosophical on Tony Danza's suitability for the Max Bialystock role in The Producers musical, we'll just sit here and laugh hysterically at that photograph.
· Disney made off with $3.26 billion this year. Wonder what kind of bonuses they gave out this Christmas?
· Jesus! It's Harrod's big deal Winter Sale! Be nice, fuck!
· Organized child crime strikes again.

5:48 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
123 views, 8 comments

Latest by mothrafairy: bitfactory, you do realize that, ironically, your participation has earned you one/third of the cookie. more »

mankas.jpg Maggie Gyllenhaal

Hollywood PrivacyWatch Special Edition: Maggie Gyllenhaal And Family Fine After A Disastrous Night At Manka's Lodge

We know many of you are concerned about the legitimately scary turn of events that saw a tree fall on, then start a fire in, Manka's Inverness Lodge in Marin County (pictured), forcing the early morning evacuation of its guests—among them Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal and Frances McDormand and Joel Coen. Well, thanks to a Defamer operative in the vicinity, we can now report that Maggie and family have emerged unscathed, with sandwich-eating appetites intact: More »

5:21 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
332 views, 4 comments

Latest by VoicefromAfar: Okay, now we are really talkin' gay, not only does the cat get a tea set and wind chimes for more »

lingerieparty - Defamer To Do

To Do: Knitters, Dancing, Lingerie

· Thursday music round-up: A Global Threat are at the Knitting Factory, One Side Zero play the Roxy, and The Knitters play Safari Sams.
· Did you often find yourself watching Dancing with the Stars, and thinking to yourselves, "Well, sure, Lisa Rinna is impossibly glamorous and spry on her feet, but most of that is accomplished with camera tricks and CGI?" Well, now's your chance to put all your lingering doubts to rest: Dancing with the Stars The Tour, brought to you by SlimFast, lands at the Staples Center tonight, and features all your favorites from three cheeseball seasons, including Rinna, Joey Lawrence, Drew Lachey and Joey McIntyre.
· Nude Ambition, the "nation's first consumer lingerie magazine," is hosting a New Year's celebration at Level 3 Nightclub. There's nothing like downing cocktails while feeling sexy and natural in a flouncy negligee. Cross-dressing discouraged.

4:40 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
429 views, Comment

Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest's Mistress Is A Big, Sparkly Ball

We realize not all of you will be out traipsing around your town this coming New Year's Eve, choosing instead to spend your final moments of 2006 in the comforts of your homes with ABC's own Father Time and Baby New Year—i.e. Dick Clark, whom they promise will be "back, live," and his bushy tailed yet meticulously manscaped replacement, Ryan Seacrest. And while we were giddily combing through photographs of the final touches being put upon the famed Times Square ball whose descent will be counted down by millions, it suddenly occurred to us that it was she—that shimmering, totemic orb symbolic of our communal progression—whom Seacrest should have been planting one on all along, and not Teri Hatcher! Congratulations, Ryan: You are the future. More »

4:16 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
879 views, 7 comments

Latest by Gallant Patsy: Ryan, God willing, the seas of life might wash you ashore on Hump Island in 2007, with Vince Vaughn waiting more »

keanu-reeves-amoeba.jpg Sightings

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Christmas Eve Memories With Keanu Reeves At Amoeba Records

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers—the best sighting submitters in the world! We fell far short of the 50 we challenged on Tuesday, so, unfortunately, there will be no cake. Still, we'd be remiss if we did not sweep up the last scraps of celebrity spottings for 2006—no matter how Z-list—in order to start with a clean slate in 2007. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Pauly Shore sulking near corned beef. More »

2:34 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
1,165 views, Comment

mel-mugshot - Defamer Year in Review

Defamer's Year In Review, Part 3: Mel's Mistake

Come along as we continue on our journey through the year's events, moving into the lazy, balmy months of summer. (We're not really sure why we're working the seasonal theme—it's not like L.A. has any.)
June
· The Chosen One is born.
· Brett Ratner: Irresistible to old Chinese women and Courtney Loves alike.
· Michelle Rodriguez does 4 hours of hard time.
· Warner Bros. starts to get the Gay Fear about their caped wonder.
· People pays $4.1 million for the first shots of Shiloh Nouvel.
· Piven Vs. Dorff.
· Daryl Hannah! You get down from that walnut tree this instant!
· Remember when Matt Lauer was getting heat for just baring his ankles?
· Believe It or Not! 2006 found Jim Carrey having trouble getting his projects greenlit.
· Brian Grazer's brief foray into the singles' scene.
· Aquaman doesn't exist, yet still manages to blow Poseidon out of the water.
· Aaron Spelling: The final stroke.
· Superman Returns. No one seems to care, except Matthew Perry and Darren Star.
· Star Jones gets the ax.
· Tori Spelling: Her heart wrenching last moments, on an Us cover near you! More »

1:59 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
105 views, Comment

departed-mattdamon-marky - Defamer The Departed

Awards Round-Up: Chicago Critics, Pencils Down Please

· The Chicago Film Critics Association decide upon The Departed as this year's best picture, with Helen Mirren and Forest Whitaker taking top acting honors. Congratulations: Through the process of critical concensus repetition alone, you have now been brainwashed into believing those two actors will take home an Oscar. [THR]
· The Florida Film Critics Circle also honor The Departed, Mirren and Whitaker, while the Pauline Kael Breakout Award (sponsored by Clearasil) goes to Jennifer Hudson for Dreamgirls. [Variety]
· The AFI name their "Moments of Significance" for 2006, a sort of Oscars for Hollywood trends, we guess, recognizing such abstract concepts as "Clint Eastwood - A National Treasure," "The Documentary Speaks To The World," and "YouTube Redefines 'The Tube.'" Sadly, "End to Years-Long Battle for Armrest Dominance Over That Guy Sitting Next To You at the Movies" is one Moment of Significance that has yet to see the light of day. [The Envelope]

12:05 PM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
36 views, Comment

James Brown

Breaking! See James Brown Off Into The Afterlife

A reader just told us that WCBSTV.com is running a live feed of the James Brown body viewing at the Apollo. Their streaming seems to be Mac-unfriendly, but any PC users out there wanting to pay the Godfather some last respects—now's your chance! More »

11:46 AM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
80 views, 3 comments

Latest by randmcnally: If you're a Mac user, use the Debug menu to change the User Agent to Mac MSIE 5.22. I did more »

flushedaway - Defamer Trade

Trade Round-Up: 2006's Cartoon Glut Meant Your 'Rats In The Toilet' Movie Might Suffer

· Analysis of this year's animated releases reveals that they tend to do better at the box office when another one doesn't open soon after. It's almost as if there was a single audience for these movies—say, parents and their young children. [Variety]
· MTV is looking to expand to the Middle East, signing a deal with Dubai's Arabian Television Network to launch MTV Arabiya. Meanwhile, Tabitha Soren and Kennedy go burqa shopping, hoping no one recognizes them at the open-call VJ auditions. [Variety]
· Bob Yari's Crash lawsuit gets tossed by a Superior Court judge. In other news, Variety's photo editor is clearly not a big fan of the producer. [Variety]
· CBS's CSI, NCIS, and any other series on that network featuring those initials, lead the network to a Christmas week victory, but Deal or No Deal's epic, obnoxiously Yuletide-themed Monday night episode wins NBC that night. [THR]
· Former Mediaweek senior editor and regular contributor Eric Schmuckler, described by colleagues as "the most lovable kvetch I've ever known," died at age 47 from cancer. Sigh. [THR]

11:36 AM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
83 views, Comment

jake-maggie-fire - Defamer Jake Gyllenhaal

Falling Trees And Fire Intrude Upon A Quiet Gyllenhaal Christmas

Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal, along with Frances McDormand and husband Joel Coen, were slumbering at a Marin County inn when a tree crashed into it early yesterday morning, igniting a fire and sending its guests—both celebrity and non—fleeing for their lives. Reports the Marin Independent Journal:
More »

10:46 AM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
482 views, 6 comments

Latest by Bon Jour, Pee Wee: Schvitzatura: Maybe someone should check the 'cellar door', huh? more »

defamer-facelift.jpg Diary

Letter From The Editor: Apocalypse Not Yet

Greetings, friends! Your associate editor here just checking in to make sure your transition into 2007 is as pleasant as possible. Blanket? Cookie? Britney Spears' vagina? Don't hesitate to ask. Mark is still on vacation, possibly readying himself as we speak for the pilgrimage to the Apollo Theater to pay his last respects to James Brown. (But in all probability eating Snickerdoodles and watching Oprah.) In the meantime, we'll be with you today and a half-day tomorrow, after which, you're pretty much on your own. Remember to avoid the deadly path of block-long, speeding Hummersines overflowing with shit-faced revelers wearing those 2007 novelty sunglasses. (Whatever will become of that industry in 2010?) And now that we're on the subject—we're feeling a lack of New Year's Eve spirit. Like, where's the party? Let us know. We're committed to spreading the word. More »

10:13 AM on Thu Dec 28 2006
By Seth
49 views, Comment

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