Defamer

smith-wedding-2.jpg Week in Review

The Clip Show: Anna Nicole Smith's Quiet Week Of Grieving

· The Week In Anna Nicole: Howard K. Stern claims paternity. The pathologist claims overdose. Anna Nicole claims "I do." But not, like, "I do I do."
· The Studio 60 Drinking Game: Drink every time something sounds familiar.
· Mel Gibson emerges from Malibu exile, but the Jews are still waiting for some Yom Kippur-style atonement.
· Without A Trace's writing staff swelters on the Warner Bros. lot as their A/C falls victim to Oceans 13's higher priority shooting needs.
· Fox reps get creative with their diagnoses of their morgue-bound series.
· A week of Lindsay Lohan magazine covers, present and future.
· Power divisions of Hollywood's comedy elite, for visual learners.
· The specter of Ain't It Cool News' Harry Knowles wearing nothing but boxing shorts is narrowly avoided as Uwe Boll battles his critics in the ring.
· Dessarae Bradford, stalker of the people.
· Charlie Sheen's pom-pom budget triples, rendering him exhausted.
· Jack Nicholson's strap-on currently fielding offers.
· After two, history-making weeks, Survivor: Race Wars goes back to old fashioned, vanilla Survivor. Bo-ring!
· The new, Suri-inspired trend could result in plenty of extremely embarrassed babies on gusty, autumn days.
· What does the President need? An engraved invitation?
· Rumored doc captures former child star applying rudimentary cat whiskers to female companionship.
· Joe Francis puts one ugly, undocumented, underage chapter behind him, looks wistfully ahead to many more.
· Another baby step of justice meted out to street-terror Paris Hilton.
· And finally, ladies and gentleman: John Travolta, Precious Cheese.

7:56 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Seth
121 views, Comment

Short Ends

Short Ends: Attack of the 50-Foot Fiance

· Now that Tom Cruise's team of genetic technicians have successfully engineered a baby molecularly stable enough to stay constituted for the duration of a major magazine photo shoot, they've moved on to bigger challenges, like manipulating the genes that have allowed Katie Holmes to grow a full foot since the beginning of September. [via CityRag]
· "Sexiest Woman Alive" Scarlett Johansson laments that her internal organs don't attract the same kind of attention as her most conspicuous external features.
Who says that comic book fans have too much time on their hands? [via BoingBoing]
Don't miss Wonkette's compelling coverage of the revelations that Rep. Mark Foley might be a Pedophile-American. Especially this post, with YouTube of ABC's Brian Ross narrating a disturbing IM exchange.
· Tomorrow is National Steve Guttenberg Day! It's probably too late to Netflix yourself a mini Guttenberg film festival, but here are some other suggestions on ways to celebrate.

6:54 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
433 views, 11 comments

Latest by dave the wet sprocket: just because the photo's a fake doesn't mean that tom cruise isn't a shrinky-dink. more »

robin-williams-wave.jpg Robin Williams

Robin Williams Ready To Show Off 28 Days' Worth Of New Mel Gibson Material

Fresh from rehab and eager to prove that his newfound sobriety hasn't depopulated his manic improvisational mind of its teeming multitudes who speak in a handful of comically exaggerated accents, Robin Williams is already treating junket reporters to the Mel Gibson material he worked on while drying out: More »

6:50 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
233 views, 1 comment

Latest by TheStarterWife: Please, no Comic Relief 2006 spoilers. more »

jackson-kids - Defamer Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson And Ex-Incubator Put Legal Disputes Behind Them

Michael Jackson's ex-wife, Debbie Rowe, has long held a giant chip on her shoulder against the singer, perhaps stemming from the time he snatched his placenta-covered daughter from between her legs and spider-scuttled along the hospital walls and out the window with the newborn. Rowe has been trying to reclaim legal custody of little Paris and her brother Prince in the years since she relinquished all visitation rights to Jackson in 2001, and Jackson in return filed suit against Rowe in 1994, claiming she "violated a confidentiality agreement." (Read: Blabbed about the seven-story, Donkey Kong-themed bunkbed room at Neverland Ranch.) Today, the two ex-lovebirds finally put their quarrels behind them: More »

6:40 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Seth
118 views, Comment

- Defamer To Do

To Do: Your Weekend Of Shrieks And Extra-Terrestrial Contact

Friday
· Atwater Village tries to prove it's more than just the part of town you drive through on the way to the celebrated Brand Boulevard of Cars, with its free Atwater Movie Night screening of E.T. at Red Car River Park.
· Friday night music round-up: Guster and Nada Surf at the Wiltern; Mojave 3 at the Roxy; Mastodon and The Bronx at the Henry Fonda; Starsailor at the Troubadour.
· We're not even going to pretend to understand what Which Side Are You On? (at Betalevel tonight) is, but it's described as "three multimedia diatribes about this angry, beautiful, and slowly warming world. PowerPoint, tangible electronics, performative lecture, next-gen positive vibrational dome music, among other things..." But it's free, and you can't really argue with that.
Saturday
· More music: We Are Scientists and Art Brut at the Henry Fonda; Silversun Pickups at the Echo; The Oohlas at Sea Level Records.
· Horror/sci-fi orgy Shriekfest 2006 finishes up Saturday and Sunday with screenings at Raleigh Studios. Sample titles from their offerings: Corpus Interruptus, In Memorium, and Zombie Hunter.
· The Committee to Save Silver Lake Reservoirs gives a tour of houses designed by architects so famous even we've heard of them.
Sunday
· Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, and Andrew Daly turn up at the UCB Theatre for an exciting night of improvisational Asssscatting.
· Halloween's just around the corner...sort of, anyway. But Northridge's Spooky House (boo!) is already open, ready to service all of your seasonal underemployed-actors-in-rubber-masks- jumping-out-from-around-corners needs.

4:21 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
53 views, 8 comments

Latest by Cutting Makes You Sexy: Waoh! No Commenter Cancellations?!? I still give great blowjobs. more »

lorraine-theater.jpg Movies

Theatre Owner Takes Two Week Vacation From Hollywood Crap

Rather than submit to a force-feeding of mindless he-witch fare or the Jackass Collective's latest foray into experimental reverse-peristalsis- and-blunt-force-genital-trauma cinema, an angry Illinois theater owner decided to issue the studios the ultimate symbolic "fuck you" (or at least the ultimate symbolic "fuck you" available to someone with just two movie screens): shutting down for two weeks to protest the "drivel" Hollywood is currently offering. Reports the LAT: More »

3:01 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
171 views, 6 comments

Latest by adultsupervision: Why is it that Podunk theatre owners are always so proud of their (invariably sub-par) sound systems? Whether it's more »

Disney

'Little Mermaid''s Happy Bishop Rendered Less Happy In Deluxe DVD Release

For followers of urban legends, Subliminal Smut Embedded Into Disney Classics division, there is perhaps no more discussed and overanalyzed single case than the Little Mermaid Officiating Bishop With A Hard-On. Disney has of course denied it for years, and per their word, from other angles the only bony protrusions peeking out from his cleric's clothes appear to be a pair of knobby knees. Still, the knot-tying moneyshot (pictured, left) does tend to suggest perhaps a surfeit of enthusiasm on behalf of the man of God, an ambiguity that the Jim Hill blog reports is now taken care of with the pending DVD rerelease (right). More »

2:57 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Seth
6,684 views, 8 comments

Latest by dave the wet sprocket: is it just a coincidence that the gawker artists ad that's showing up on my screen lookes vaguely phallic? hmm... of more »

Advertisers

Exchanging Heartfelt, But Legally Nonbinding, Vows Of Eternal Love With Our Advertisers On A White Cataraman Off The Coast Of Nassau

It's once again time to step up to the glory-hole of commerce by thanking this week's line-up of sponsors, who never fail to provide the kind of anonymous satisfaction we desperately crave each Friday, If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and earn your very own weekly bullet-point, see this page. More »

1:43 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
68 views, Comment

Trade Roundup

Trade Round-Up: When Kutcher Faces Off Against Kutcher, Only Audiences Lose

· Apple and Wal-Mart are in talks to figure out a way to work together on movie downloads, perhaps with Wal-Mart getting some kind of kickback from iTunes offerings in return for the retail giant dropping its threats to cut off the DVD sales of any studio that dares cooperate with Apple in undercutting their profit margins. [Variety]
Ugly Betty edges out Survivor: Race Wars in their second half-hours, while CSI beats Grey's in viewers, not the 18-49 demo. The demo always knows that skinny, whiny, lovesick doctors trump pointy-headed crime scene investigators. [THR]
In an attempt to cut down on the sale of counterfeit Superman Returns DVDs, Warner Bros. joins in a price war with the pirates, offering cheap, encrypted copies—at least until the MPAA and the Chinese Government round up and kill everyone with a DVD burner and an internet connection, allowing them to safely raise prices again. [Variety]
The simultaneous release of The Guardian and Open Season presents moviegoers with the undesirable dilemma of choosing between live-action and animated Ashton Kutcher vehicles. We expect a rash of multiplex lobby suicides as ticketbuyers collapse under the incredible pressure of having to make such a difficult choice. [THR]
An investor advisory service urges News Corp shareholders to protest COO Peter Chernin's excessive compensation, but have so far turned a blind eye towards Rupert Murdoch's weekly ritual of burning $10 million in front of the Fox lot's News Cafe, during which he offers a variety of obscene hand gestures to any underling looking askance at his fiery display of corporate profligacy. [Variety]

1:22 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
45 views, 1 comment

Latest by Xenu: Don't fret, investors: Fox compensates for Chernin's excessive pay by cheapskating all their other employees. more »

Sacha Baron Cohen

Kazakhstan Multiplexes To Pass On 'Borat'

The latest skirmish in Sacha Baron Cohen's relentless, publicity-attracting (and, we have to admit, consistently hilarious), undeclared war on the country of Borat's birth is revealed today by Reuters, who abetted the fictional documentarian's assault by contacting Kazakhstan's largest theater chain to ask if they have any intention of screening the film. Predictably, once they did their due diligence on the question, which primarily consisted of figuring out who or what a "Borat" is, they were less than enthusiastic about the prospect of hosting the movie: More »

12:44 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
538 views, 12 comments

Latest by The Gen X Eurotrash Jetsetter Club: I remember when Sasha Baron Cohen was actually funny. Of course, that's when he had to try to make more »

Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith's Wedding-At-Sea Downgraded To Floating Commitment Ceremony

smith-wedding-2.jpgIn an update to yesterday's feel-good announcement that Anna Nicole Smith had married her lawyer/babydaddy/ dead-son's-photo-broker Howard K. Stern aboard the S.S. Trainwreck, the AP is now reporting that the marriage off the coast of Nassau wasn't official, but merely a commitment ceremony between two sedated soulmates:
More »

12:44 PM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Seth
1,285 views, 7 comments

Latest by The Gen X Eurotrash Jetsetter Club: First Hilary with her agent and now Anna with her lawyer. I guess slumming is the new slimming. more »

shiloh-wax-nativity-s.jpg Brad PItt

Pitt And Jolie Jockey For Control Of Their Relationship

What a sweaty, trailer-swaying act of infidelity on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith has joined together, a tabloid tries to tear asunder: Today's Page Six, citing a source with intimate knowledge of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's conflicting, brood-expanding plans, insists that Pitt favors the quaintly outdated penis-in-vagina celebrity reproduction method, while Jolie finds herself nostalgic for her lazy days of infant-shopping on the black markets of the Third World: More »

11:42 AM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
246 views, 9 comments

Latest by Fred: I can't stand jennifer She is as fake as the word fake itself. When is she going to stop more »

survivor-united.jpg Survivor

'Survivor' Blends Four Racially Segregated Teams Into Two Delicious Cultural Smoothies

Just two weeks into the much-derided, color-coded current season of Survivor, producers have opted to do away with their four race-warring tribes by blending them into two diverse groups. No reason was offered—no seismic, segregationist-TV-history-altering moment, such as Sundra of the Manihiki tribe refusing to relinquish her seat at the back of a canoe; just host Jeff Probst, newly enlightened student of the Pan Asian experience, announcing, "You have been living together as tribes base upon ethnicity; it is now time to integrate." But, as Reality Blurred points out, alignments within last night's losing Aitutaki tribe seem to indicate the race vs. race fun is far from over: More »

11:31 AM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Seth
72 views, 8 comments

Latest by Xenu: When Flicka chose the African-American woman with the phrase "the sister on the end," I heard hundreds of thousands of more »

suri-baby-wigs.jpg Tom Cruise

Hollywood Trendwatch: Suri's Baby Wig Sensation Hits U.K


We may have gotten a little caught up in spotlighting Tom Cruise's career slump lately, as his second act as an NFL mascot and amusement park greeter somehow seem beneath a man once considered the biggest box office star in the world. But we'd never impugn his credentials as a tastemaker; his fashion-forward decision to single-handedly revive the long-dormant Baby Toupee sensation by having ostensible biological daughter Suri wear one on the cover of Vanity Fair has touched off a craze that's quickly overtaking the world. And to his credit, the proud father has once again proven his admirable reluctance to cash in on his offspring by not authorizing the mass manufacture of The Suri, content to be a trendsetter instead of a cynical, opportunistic entrepreneur. More »

9:48 AM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
954 views, Comment

Paramount

Robert Downey Jr., Troubled Superhero

In a surprise superhero casting move that recalls Tim Burton's initially baffling, but ultimately inspired, hunch that Mr. Mom would make a fine bat-obsessed, caped vigilante, Variety reports that Paramount has chosen longtime character actor and part-time mugshot model Robert Downey Jr. to play the titular, metal-suited hero in their upcoming Iron Man movie. But as Var quickly points out, Downey has more in common with the character than we immediately realized: More »

9:11 AM on Fri Sep 29 2006
By Mark
789 views, 5 comments

Latest by Chiclet: I'd still suck the socks off him anyday. more »

Short Ends

Short Ends: Roofight


· If the above video has you angry at the cruel, pugilistic kangaroo race, don't worry: Clowns get payback on humanity's behalf.
Really, it was only a matter of time before the twin Satans of VOD and Netflix forced Blockbuster to adopt a no-fee strategy.
Newly launched film news site ReelzChannel (wow, catchy URLS are getting really hard to come by these days, aren't they?) has video of legendary Lindsay Lohan scolder James G. Robinson of Morgan Creek backtracking from his Pissed-Off Letter Heard 'Round The Industry. We really have no one to believe in anymore.
Still spanking-new sibling Idolator offers a handy guide to cruises harboring washed up rock bands. When members of Better than Ezra and Sister Hazel aren't performing, we imagine they're put to work buffing the shuffleboard courts.
Studio 60 SelfEsteemWatch: Amanda Peet says her co-stars call her "Fatty," and that her fianc makes fun of her hammer-thumbs. If she keeps taking blows to the ego like that, she's going to develop a second facial expression: the half-frown.

7:25 PM on Thu Sep 28 2006
By Mark
30 views, 3 comments

Latest by DirtyPillows: Is that Russell Crowe? more »

borat-whitehouse - Defamer Sacha Baron Cohen

President Bush Declines Offer To Throw Back A Few Rounds Of Fermented Horse Urine With Kazakh Filmmaker

One has to admire the intrepid comic stylings of Sacha Baron Cohen, who, along with his assortment of alter egos, refuses to stop until entire governments are up in arms, or, as in the case of this Reuters report, until he trots up to the front door of the White House in full Borat drag in order to invite "Premier George Walter Bush" to a screening of his new movie. (He was politely rejected by a small army of secret agents with one finger in their ears and the other on their holsters.) The man is a marvel of ingenuity, constantly conjuring up new ways to further infuriate already pissed-off world leaders: More »

7:24 PM on Thu Sep 28 2006
By Seth
241 views, 4 comments

Latest by dmumsie: I hope he talks to the Islamists.. They really like comedians.. and wanna make peace, don't they? This story isn't more »

smith-stern-wed - Defamer Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole Smith Doesn't Like To Think Of It As 'Losing A Son,' So Much as 'Gaining A Husband'

While we're rusty on the various stages of grieving—we know denial and anger are in there somewhere—we're almost certain that "quickie marriage aboard a party boat just a few miles from where your 20-year-old son died weeks before" is not among them. And yet, that appears to be exactly how Anna Nicole Smith is processing yesterday's toxicology report findings that Daniel Smith died of a drug overdose: by marrying Howard K. Stern, the lawyer/daddy figure/creepy lurking presence in her life who just days ago told Larry King he fathered her baby. Star magazine has the exclusive: More »

5:45 PM on Thu Sep 28 2006
By Seth
1,146 views, 14 comments

Latest by miamoi: In response to what 'Cutting Makes You Sexy' posted: I'm thinking along those same lines. Perhaps the pills were pulvorized and more »

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