Defamer

superman-clipshow - Defamer Week in Review

The Clip Show: Seven Days Of 'Superman'

· Superman Returns' Seven-Day Opening Weekend: Luthor holds a wiener. Spider-Man steals his thunder. Returns' returns. His hair, in words and pictures. His face, in wax. The phony IMdB page. The Quest for Seats. The fanboy fantasy. The typo. The next Adam West?
· Goodbye, Star Jones: The suprise announcement. Barbara snaps back. Then swats hard. Star lives on in the Matrix. No end in sight for Jones' 'I Was Fired!' Media Tour.
· Potential Disaster Downgraded To Minor Inconvenience Week at Paramount: Fire! Blackout! You're fired, so get out!
· Six Sexy New Grieving Looks For Summer, featuring Tori Spelling.
· Everything you could possibly want to know about that chick from that scene in last week's Entourage.
· Katie Holmes and an unidentified, bobbed lady (we think it's Tom Cruise's mother) gets snapped by a reader at the Farmer's Market newsstand.
· The Roosevelt recaptures some of its former velvet rope glory when a bouncer nearly pummels a Paramount exec they deem too pushy.
· Will Ferrell's new "business partner" Gary Sanchez sounds a little fishy to us.
· Harper's Bazaar's bizarre choice of cover subject.
· Ashton Kutcher doesn't mind sharing his elevator ride with you.

6:22 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
80 views, Comment

spelling-quiz.jpg Short Ends

Short Ends: Aaron Spelling Kicks Ass From The Hereafter

· David Hasselhoff's unbelievable winning streak comes crashing down on him like a crystal chandelier that his head hit while shaving at some gym or something, we're too close to the weekend to really care.
· Jennifer Lopez uses every legal means necessary to shut her first husband up, before he spills the beans on the voodoo practices she directed towards "this particular lady." We have a feeling it involved slitting a live chicken's neck over a picture of Mariah Carey in order to make sure Glitter tanked. (Worked, too!)
· Close but no cigar, Keith Urban.
· We're glad Prime Minister Koizumi can finally dispel that tired old stereotype of the Japanese being obsessed with American celebrities and culture. (By the way, doesn't the President have, like, war shit to attend to before hitting the Karate Wing at Graceland?)
· Gold Derby has whittled down the humongous list of probable Emmy nominees to a more manageable, gigantic list, though it must not be completely accurate, because they seem to have omitted Ghost Whisperer.
· Don't feel too bad for Aaron Spelling. He's too busy training his team of SWAT-CORPSES to worry about the annoying women he left behind.

5:40 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
163 views, 1 comment

Latest by RonMwangaguhunga: I thought Jenny McCarthy was Jim Carrey's comeback more »

kinke-free - Defamer To Do

To Do: Your Weekend Of Free Concertgoing

Friday
· Friday night music: Band of Horses with MT Egypt at The Echo, Built To Spill at the Troubadour, Mark Eitzel at Tangier.
· May the patriarchal film festival system crumble once and for all! "Broad Humor: Female Film Fest" features over 40 films comedies by women.
Saturday
· Kinky & Sidestepper play a free show at California Plaza.
· The Alameda Writers Group presents hosts an evening "producer/author/story consultant" Christopher Vogler and Craig Mazin, co-writer of Scary Movie 3 and 4, where they will school aspiring writers in such topics as How to Best Utilize Pamela Anderson's Tits to Comic Effect.
· The REDCAT's "Don't Knock the Rock" festival rock n' roll festival continues with a screening of The Treasures of Long Gone John, a documentary about an indie record shop in Dallas, Texas, where Lord willing, no Jack Black-types work.
Sunday
· Sunday night music: The acoustic duo Anders and Woods play the REDCAT, and the El Rey hosts another free show featuring Murs and the mad remix science of Cut Chemist.
· Dorkbot meets on Alvarado, where you can tear apart and tinker with old electronic equipment to your hearts delight in an all-out nerd jam. Unplugging first recommended.

4:44 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
48 views, Comment

Advertisers

Doing The Wave For Our Sponsors

Please join us now as we take a moment to rejoice in our venerated sponsors, each and every one of which deserves their own themed baseball night. No single, racist arm gesture performed simultaneously by a stadium full of fans could adequately relay just what they mean to us, however. If you'd like to join their major leagues, simply go here. More »

4:14 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
103 views, Comment

Disney

That Thing On The 'Pirates' Billboard Explained

Yesterday, we threw a question open to you, our far wiser and more cultured readership, as to what the hell was going on with an altered Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest billboard we'd passed several times on Sunset. Someone had stuck an image of a face we've seen wheatpasted around town many times before (whom we always assumed was Jakob Dylan, for some reason), though the heights and scale of this particular stunt finally got us to wonder what it all meant. Many of you pointed us to the answer—it's the work of a street artist named Seizer-One, and the face is his own. Thanks, guys—we'll sleep much better knowing Bob Iger now has the correct information on where to send his stormtroopers in order to deliver some Mickey Mouse-brand street justice to the guy vandalizing their promotional real estate. More »

3:59 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
201 views, 2 comments

Latest by Bufflekins: Yeah, poor-man's Shepherd Fairey--hey he can bite his steez but he can't steal his flava. more »

darren-star-superman - Defamer Sightings

Hollywood PrivacyWatch Special Edition: Darren Star Eats Guys Like Matthew Perry For Breakfast

Because Hollywood is much too small a town for a particularly anticipated movie screening to play host to just one VIP-monkey's whims, we received two more accounts regarding the infamous Matthew Perry Roped-Off Superman Seating Incident, both implicating yet another sorta-famous showbiz name suffering from a bloated sense of entitlement. None other than Sex and the City creator Darren Star was on hand, and, try as he did, he seemed incapable of convincing the AMC staff that his behind-the-scenes tinkering somehow trumped Perry's magnetic, on-camera persona. The first account begins immediately below, but make sure to read both, or you'll miss the money-shot quote involving Star's cannibalistic brunching taste for former Friends stars. More »

3:27 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
707 views, 3 comments

Latest by el smrtmnky: not so mr. big more »

lohan-hair - Defamer Sightings

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Lindsay Lohan Drinks From The Shaker At The Chateau

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Keanu Reeves wearing gauche footwear and taking in a cross-dresser's performance More »

2:09 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
2,364 views, 1 comment

Latest by D Day: No fucking way Paul Moyer drives a Lamborghini. Need photos more »

moonves-freston-stock - Defamer Trade Round Up

Trade Round-Up: Les Moonves' Sweet Victory

· Four of the six big media companies saw their stocks rise this year. Among them, CBS' went up 4%, while Viacom went down 10%. Les Moonves was last overheard cackling in his office, inviting his secretary to join him for a slice of a custom-ordered cake iced to resemble a naked, weeping Tom Freston. [Variety]
· Superman Returns pulls in a healthy $21 million on its opening day, performing to but not exceeding Warner Bros.' expectations, and not coming anywhere near Spider-Man 2 record of $40.4 million. Brandon Routh's agent announces the happy news at some teenager's house party in the Valley, as his client teeters on the roof, having an Almost Famous moment. [Variety]
· Sony screens 20 minutes of Casino Royale at the Cinema Expo, revealing a much grittier, angry Bond who [SPOILER!] blossoms once he reluctantly accepts an undercover post acting as a bitchy fashion editor's assistant. [Variety]
· "How do you end a network?" In the case of The WB, apparently you end it by airing a day's worth of old pilots and "classic promos and image campaigns from the WB's 11-year history." Be sure to catch the montage of Regrettable Felicity Hair Decisions, set to a tear-jerking "Time Of Your Life (Good Riddance)." [Variety]
· Kyra Sedgwick's TNT series The Closer has been renewed for a third season, in which audiences will finally learn what Kyra has been getting closer to in the first two seasons. [THR]

1:53 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
118 views, Comment

cruise-baseball.jpg Tom Cruise

Entire Crowd Disappears Into White Van Following Ballpark's 'Tom Cruise Day'

For the minor league baseball fans among you, the LAT reports that tonight's California League game between Lake Elsinore Storm and the High Desert Mavericks will be a Tom Cruise-themed evening of giveaways and fun:
More »

12:51 PM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
95 views, 2 comments

Diary

Letter From The Editor: The One Where We Tell You Mark's Not Here Again

Because his profound levels of jingoistic national pride are outmatched only by his love of a five-day, Fourth of July weekend, Mark has been granted temporary leave from the Defamer windowless basement HQ to embark on a personal mission to spread American goodwill throughout the globe. As foreign audiences thrill to his multimedia Powerpoint presentation, "USA: Who's With Me?!" your devoted associate editor Seth shall be here to see you through any complications that may arise in the coming, explosively patriotic days (involving lost digits due to premature fireworks discharge or otherwise).

11:59 AM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
74 views, 1 comment

Latest by el smrtmnky: outsourcing the snark to the canadian on canada day? now that's very american. more »

tori-spelling-US.jpg Tori Spelling

Candy Spelling: Why Can't My Media Whore Daughter Let Us Hate Each Other In Private?

As Tori Spelling continues to sit shivah for her departed father in her own, special way (less garment rending and low-seat sitting, more fabulous Us Weekly cover exclusives!), the woman who once pampered Tori with artificial snow and the finest midget fashions, mother Candy Spelling, has issued a statement in response to Tori's claims that she was never notified of her father's death. (Warning: Those among you with any lingering shreds of human decency should proceed with caution.) More »

11:23 AM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
20,644 views, 4 comments

Latest by el smrtmnky: so does she turn this into a VSE of so noTORIous or does she try for some emmy glory in more »

starjones-disappearing - Defamer Star Jones

Star Jones Not Evaporating Into Puff Of Smoke Fast Enough

Many of us snickered in delight as we witnessed the Circle of Celebrity Karmic Comeuppance do its thing and dispose of Star Jones. We erroneously assumed, however, that once the shit hit the spinning blades of Barbara Walters' unhinged fury, Jones would simply splatter against the faces of the studio audience, never to be heard from again. This does not appear to be the case, however, as she has emerged intact, and is doing the media rounds. Because we do anything we can to help you avoid listening to her speak, a Jones-on-the-offensive round-up:
· On Larry King Live last night, Jones stuck by her right "tell the truth" about being fired, having felt audiences might have seen through Barbara Walters' plan of telling the world she was leaving her job at The View for an exciting opportunity to become Payless Shoe Source's first Celebrity Corn-Awareness Activist. [Bonus: Did one of them let 'er rip?] More »

9:56 AM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
436 views, 3 comments

Latest by Mr. Kite: She'll be hosting House Hunters "New York" stunt week on HGTV. Woooooooooo! more »

Alec Baldwin

Own Something That Touched Alec Baldwin's Ear Canals

We admit, some of our recent celebrity-infused, second-hand offerings have been a little lacking lately (what, suddenly you're too jaded to get worked up about a futon with Ian Ziering ass-divots?), but we think we can make up for it by sharing this eBay auction for "Alec Baldwin's 20 GB 4th Generation iPod!" The actor's name is engraved on the back, making us, much like the seller's feedback rating, 97.2% positive that it's authentic. Marrying the best of Apple's Click Wheel™ technology and Baldwin's Aging Hipster™ taste ("Flaming Lips, the Doors, and Velvet Underground..."), we imagine the personal stereo has been nestled against a sweaty thicket of chest hair on many a Stairmaster jaunt, as it cycled through his favorite playlist, "Songs Kim Hates." More »

8:34 AM on Fri Jun 30 2006
By Seth
298 views, 1 comment

Latest by Peg Entwistle: ...Or his playlist of songs dedicated to all the Fruit Salad-heads out there! more »

brad-pitt-troy.jpg Short Ends

Short Ends: Brad Pitt, International Embezzler

· Note to aspiring embezzlers: If you are going to download an image for a fake ID that you plan on using in the commission of a theft, make sure that image does not belong to one of the most famous men on the planet.
· Another headline that could be more clearly written: Nicolas Cage Gives $2M for Child Soldiers. Unfortunately, Cage is not purchasing himself a personal militia made up entirely of six-year-olds. Though he could totally afford that should he ever need to invade Angelina Jolie's compound.
· We are definitely not cool/hip enough to figure this out on our own, so if anyone out there can explain the deal with these heads that are being plastered up everywhere, we'd love hear about it.
· We link to this SoaP story only because it's funny that a family newspaper can't tell you straight out that the "expletive-laden line of dialogue for Jackson" is "I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!" Oh, how we love to swear!

7:19 PM on Thu Jun 29 2006
By Mark
175 views, 2 comments

Latest by jody: Whatever they are, Shepherd Fairey did it first. more »

schneider-collapse.jpg Rob Schneider

Rob Schneider Exhausted, Not Buried Under Poorly Built Facade


Given the ambiguous wording of the above headline, you'd probably have to actually read the article to figure out that Rob Schneider collapsed (from heat exhaustion, if you must know) while shooting his new movie, and wasn't crushed underneath a shoddily constructed set. You're already too late to flood his hospital room with flowers and get well cards; Schneider was quickly rehydrated and returned to the set, determined not to let the extreme heat on their location shoot keep him from the important work of directing and starring in a mid-budgeted comedy about a convicted con-man who learns kung-fu so that he won't be hilariously sodomized during his incarceration. More »

6:25 PM on Thu Jun 29 2006
By Mark
83 views, Comment

caine-superman - Defamer Superman

Dean Cain Clings To The Crimson Cape

As we find ourselves nearing the humpday of Superman Returns' paradigm-shifting, seven-day opening weekend, we thought it only fitting to continue to pour on the Superman coverage ad nauseum until your faces runs green as Kryptonite and you start fantasizing about taking a five-year break from the planet yourselves. Having already covered the topic of Superman's hair through the years, we move onto the less vital but no less fascinating topic of what Dean "Oh, yeah! He played Superman, too!" Cain thinks of his updated, big budget counterpart. More »

6:11 PM on Thu Jun 29 2006
By Seth
466 views, 1 comment

Latest by pseudopsych: But his turn at playing Scott Peterson was positively spellbinding! more »

- Defamer To Do

To Do: Radiohead, Employee, Rock

· Bedroom Walls do an in-store at Amoeba Music; obscure art-pop outfit Radiohead tries to fill the seats at the Greek; The Like at The Roxy; Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins at Spaceland.
· Our pals from Employee of the Month are putting on a show of their new sketch comedy at the Westside Eclectic Theater in Santa Monica. You will laugh until severe organ failure, so attend only if that kind of thing is appealing to you.
· The Redcat Theatre hosts the Don't Knock The Rock festival, featuring rock films, live rock bands, and four other kinds of rock-related goodness we are too lazy to list here.

4:55 PM on Thu Jun 29 2006
By Mark
82 views, Comment

DreamWorks

Black Friday Preview: Goodbye, DreamWorks Publicity

Paramount's late December acquisition of DreamWorks is truly the gift that keeps on giving, as 44 more newly redundant employees will be officially pinkslipped this Friday. We pause to remember the fallen by sharing today's oddly poignant (well, maybe just to us) e-mail blast announcing the imminent folding of the DW publicity department: More »

4:02 PM on Thu Jun 29 2006
By Mark
258 views, Comment

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