Defamer

eva-longoria2.jpg Week in Review

The Clip Show: Eva Longoria, Mexican Bike Cop Hata

· Eva Longoria spreads her own special brand of holiday anthrax cheer wherever she goes!
· Kevin Federline's website launches, and, predictably, blows. (Blows Britney's bandwidth, mind you.)
· Brad "The Ax" Grey didn't earn his nickname for nothing.
· Uma Thurman carefully looks both ways, then throws her child into oncoming traffic. (Well, not quite, but the big weekend's almost here and we can't be bothered to spend the time piecing it back together.)
· Peter Jackson must be so touched at how well his movies bring people together.
· Wow! It's 2006, and you're home. Alone. Watching Carson Daly. (SFX: GUNSHOT)
· The Short Stop is chock full of celebrity goodness!
· The beautiful people. The beautiful people.
· Mike Myers and his wife call it quits. Why didn't we see the signs?!
· Those durned South Park kids are at it again!
· That guy from that movie will be sorely missed. So will the dude from those commercials.
· Well, that's it! I'm outta here hopping a red eye to NYC. As I mentioned earlier, Monday we're off, Mark returns Tuesday, and I'll be back Thursday. Whatever you end up doing, have fun, make it safe, and see you in 2006! -S.

12:48 PM on Fri Dec 30 2005
By Seth
73 views, Comment

flaminglipsbubble.jpg To Do

To Do: Your Weekend Of New Year's Eve Overload

· Watch Fergie pee herself into 2006 at Giant Village. This huge party will take over six city blocks downtown, with six stages featuring, among others, Black Eyed Peas, Death Cab for Cutie, The Flaming Lips, John Digweed, Miguel Migs, Christopher Lawrence and The Crystal Method. And why worry about driving: the Sheraton, the Westin Bonaventure and the Hilton Checkers all have rooms available for partygoers.
· Together as One has DJs Paul Van Dyk and Mark Farina spinning at the LA Sports Arena.
· Marc Almond, Adult., DJ Carlos D. of Interpol and Clearstatic perform at the New Year's Eve Experience at the El Rey.
· Miss Kitty hosts a New Year's Eve Ball at the Dragonfly with special appearance by the Suicide Girls.
· The homos can catch Debra Cox at the Hollywood Palladium, with DJ Manny Lehman.

12:14 PM on Fri Dec 30 2005
By Seth
239 views, Comment

kongcrotch.jpg Connections

Defamer Connections: Seeking Ways To Make "Kong" Go Quicker

We must admit, we have yet to see King Kong. It's playing by our house at the Vista theater, but every time we consider that 3-hour running time, we suddenly think of a couple errands we need to run first. Apparently, we aren't the only ones with those concerns, but one intrepid audience member has thought of a novel way to maximize his leisure time allotment: More »

11:01 AM on Fri Dec 30 2005
By Seth
109 views, 2 comments

Latest by el smrtmnky: if he's good, he could probably get a few morsels in. he should stop at the hot nambla overtones between more »

Advertisers

Stroke Of Midnight Advertiser Deep Tongue Kiss

Stare closely for a moment at the list below. What do these seemingly random things have in common? Oh, you are so cute why yes, they are all singularly cool, fascinating, desirable and pleasant smelling. But they are also Defamer advertisers, and for that, we give them our deepest gratitude. Oooh...they make us feel brand new...If you'd like to make us feel brand new, too, everything you need to know is right here. More »

10:52 AM on Fri Dec 30 2005
By Seth
236 views, Comment

frau.jpg Trade Roundup

Trade Round-Up: Frau Blcher Gets Her Due

· Just to give you an idea of how suck-ass a year Sony had, its top earning releases of 2005 were Hitch and Are We There Yet?, two movies we literally could not be paid to sit through. [Variety]
· 5,798 love-letters to Brokeback Mountain Oscar ballots were mailed out yesterday. Is it sharing too much if we tell you we've had a long standing fantasy of doing it with two PricewaterhouseCoopers guys? (Suits on.) [Variety]
· 36 hours after his father Kerry Packer dies, rumored Tom Cruise target James Packer takes over the family's $8 billion media empire. Just what Scientology needs to get their exciting little movement off the ground a bottomless source of funding from a malleable mind! Happy New Year, Scientologists! [THR]
· The OC's Adam Brody is developing a series for NBC based on his concept of "a rookie cop who joins a special unit of the LAPD that tracks the vampire population." Working title: Count Chrismukah. (Works best if you use Romanian accent.) [THR]
· Speaking of Romanian accents, the woman whose performance in Young Frankenstein remains one of history's greatest comic creations, Cloris Leachman, will be given a career achievement award at the closing gala of The Palm Springs International Film Festival. [THR]

10:19 AM on Fri Dec 30 2005
By Seth
164 views, 4 comments

Latest by BoHan: Seth, I thought you wanted to do it with the cast of "Munich." :) more »

rodriguezmug.jpg Lost

"Lost" DUIs: The Arraignment

It's interesting to watch the drunk driving arrests of Lost actresses Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros play themselves out, as a sort of good souse/bad souse pattern appears to be emerging, with Rodriguez taking on the role of dissident dipsomaniac to Watros' cool and contrite. At their recent arraignment hearing, Watros turns on the waterworks (through a worded statement read by her lawyer, of course) and gets a slap on the wrist; but "Four Strikes" Rodriguez isn't swerving away quite that easily: More »

9:25 AM on Fri Dec 30 2005
By Seth
257 views, 3 comments

Latest by People Paula: Jeez, thanks for blowing my cover! It's true: I was feigning a bi-curious knowledge of the facts, and you found more »

babynewyear.jpg Holidays

It's The Final Countdown

Hello! Seth here. We're almost there, folks! Like a meth-mouthed hustler dumped off the side of Highway 62 as we bat-outta-hell-it out of Joshua Tree, 2005 is quickly receding in our collective rear view mirror, and we can't think of any better way to have spent its last fuzzy moments than here, with you, the fourteen people reading Defamer this week. We've tried to offer you some New Year's Eve plan options, but ultimately, we know you'll make the most of the overhyped, overpriced, overrated night. Just remember, it's not the size of your party, but what you do with the tiny party you've been ill-fated to that counts. We find scented candles and massage always keeps 'em happy, but you might want to stick to the more traditional routes of champagne, noisemakers, and whatnot. More »

8:22 AM on Fri Dec 30 2005
By Seth
112 views, 1 comment

Latest by Adele H: You rocked, Seth! more »

Jennifer Lopez

Short Ends: J.Lo's Wedding Video Is Shaken, But Unharmed

· J.Lo's wedding video is back in her hands, the $1 million ransoming thieves are safely behind bars, and the world can go on not caring about her anymore.
· Can't celebrity video thieves come up with a number besides $1 million? Even hoaxes like this one? I mean, come on! Use your imagination, Dr. Evil!
· How hard is this going to suck?
· But don't sweat it, NBC. We already have the concept for your next hit sitcom!
· Christian Brando is being sued for nearly killing his ex-wife. But did he kill Bonny Lee Bakley?
· The Reeler has gone and done something clever: a top ten of critics' top ten movie lists!
· Hmm, I wonder what's going on over by Cute Overload. Holy shit I just had a cute-induced brain aneurysm.

5:31 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
257 views, 2 comments

Latest by TJ: At no point in my tumultuous teen years did I ever ponder running away to a war torn piece of more »

firefields.jpg To Do

To Do Thursday: Fire, Dirty, Webers

· Fire in the Fields with The Bright Black and Wordlow at King King.
· DJ Tommy Powell on the decks at the Dirty, Dirty House Party at Akbar. Mixed crowd, great music, usually fun.
· Because the UCB Theater can't get ALL the plugs, try Christmas With the Webers at the ACME Comedy Theater on LaBrea.

5:27 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
52 views, Comment

googlewood.jpg Google

The Path To The Googleside Has Begun


This post is really just an excuse to use our favorite self-fashioned infographic, though pardon us if we feel it's reasonable to say that our dark prediction is already coming to pass: More »

5:00 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
142 views, 3 comments

bloodymary.jpg South Park

"Bloody Mary" Episode Ensures South Park Guys A Bungalow In Hell

Perhaps the most outrageous and offensive South Park episode of all time (and that's really saying something), "Bloody Mary," which first aired Dec. 7 as this season's finale, was pulled from the network schedule last night. More »

4:16 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
4,015 views, Comment

yearofthebreakup.jpg Celeb Breakups

2005: The Year Of Shattered Love


If nothing else, 2005 will surely go down as the Year the Love Died. In its honor, we present to you the above photomosaic, made up of the misty water colored mem'ries of a year's worth of lost celebrity love (which were conveniently compiled for our looting by a third party). If you stand several feet back (say, 20) and squint, you will notice that the individual images amazingly add up to one larger picture: that of a Pierrot clown, nose pressed tightly to a ceramic straw as he blows a line off a mirrored tray, and catches a single, heartbroken tear running off his own cheek in the reflection. A thousand words, indeed. More »

3:27 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
226 views, 1 comment

Latest by Gallant Patsy: I can't believe how shattered I am for Tori Spelling's new beau's ex Mary Jo. Girl, you gave me more »

lohan-mlp.jpg Linday Lohan

Lindsay Lohan Paparazzo Found Not Guilty Of Trying To Make Her Hit Him

In the beginning, God made Lindsay Lohan the Actress, and He saw it, and it was good. Well, it was decent and could carry a Disney remake. But then the Actress begat the Party Girl, which in turn begat the paparazzi-demolishing Truckasaurus we now think of at the mere mention of her name. If we could, we'd like to take you back for a moment, to the primordial stirrings of the event that started it all, as there has been a major development in the case: More »

2:31 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
217 views, Comment

lillo-brancato.jpg Sopranos

Rikers Christmas For Lillo Brancato Jr.

An interview in the NY Post with Lillo Brancato Jr., the star of A Bronx Tale and The Sopranos, who was charged recently with the shooting death of a cop in a failed attempt at stealing Valium, reveals many new, sad details of the story. Brancato claims he had no idea his co-defendant, the one who pulled the trigger, was carrying a gun the night of the botched burglary. Now, sitting in prison on Rikers Island, recovering from two bullet wounds, the reality of the situation has fully set in: More »

1:23 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
2,112 views, 1 comment

Latest by People Paula: Don't forget little illegal-poker-playing AJ! more »

carsondaly.jpg Carson Daly

A Read Along New Year's With Carson Daly

For those of you who care not to get crunk with Erik Paladino on the Paramount lot, nor does the thought sound appealing of watching Dick Clark pretend he didn't have a stroke as Ryan Seacrest, his frosted-haired, dwarf replacement, stands at his side, eager to snatch the Rockin' Eve baton from his now perma-clenched hands, there is a third New Year's Eve option. NBC's New Year's Eve with Carson Daly, Presented by Chevrolet, promises to be the best of all possible New Year's worlds: you get the arguably talent-free host, minus the awkward All About Eve political infighting, without ever having to leave the comfort of your home! And to sweeten the deal, we are including some exclusive script excerpts so you can read along at home with Carson. We don't think we're giving anything away when we tell you a big ball is dropped and everyone screams, but there still are some cliffhangers that even the script doesn't answer. For example: Will Megan and Peter fill in the required missing statistics in time? We'll just have to wait and see! More »

12:19 PM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
303 views, Comment

constantgardener.jpg Trade Roundup

Trade Round-Up: Niche Films Do Nicely

· Extra! Extra! Smaller "niche" films such as The Constant Gardener perform healthily at overseas box office! And in blogging news, associate editor sticks head in oven over pathetically boring news day. [Variety]
· Fox pushes the release of Just My Luck, starring road menace Lindsay Lohan, to May 12, hoping it will find an audience of teenage girls who have no interest in Warner Bros.' Poseidon Adventure remake. And for the rest of us? Let's hope there's a nice "niche" film opening that weekend. [Variety]
· Paramount Network TV hires Kate Adler as their new VP of comedy. Adler used to be in scripted development at Worldwide Pants but then went on to become a reality producer on Survivor. Which just goes to prove that old saying: "A development executive who starts in scripted comedy but then forges a career in reality can still get work in scripted if she changes her mind later." [Variety]
· A THR analysis of the outcome of the Guilds' demands for industry standards for forced brand integration whoring has come to the conclusion that they are being completely ignored. Are you going to take that sitting down, Radical Rosenberg?! [THR]
· The Weinstein Co. has reverted all distribution rights of their Cannes pick up Wu Ji/The Promise back to its producers, with the new, leaner Harv just not wanting to put Hero-type money behind its promotion. [THR]

11:17 AM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
74 views, Comment

inside-allen.jpg Woody Allen

Woody Allen Crushes A Million Film School Dreams

Woody Allen the new, back in top form, keen-eye-for-the-nuances -of-British-class-warfare Woody Allen recently subjected himself to an interview with Current, a college campus magazine, in which he was asked for some words of advice for any youngsters out there who aspire to follow in his showbiz footsteps: More »

10:12 AM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
230 views, 1 comment

Latest by People Paula: That's almost the exact same speech Paul Junger Witt gave at my USC film school graduation. If it had been more »

federlinesourcecode.jpg Kevin Federline

Kevin Federline, Cyberspace Freeloader


Blogger Dorking Out had the inspired idea to take a closer look at the source code for the URL for which we y'all weren't ready, kevinfederline.com: More »

9:04 AM on Thu Dec 29 2005
By Seth
464 views, Comment

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